


Complications are the Spice of Life

by BlackandBlueMagpie



Series: Complications [2]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Cissexism, Dysphoria, F/M, Intersex Character, M/M, Multi, Non-binary character, Pregnancy, Trans Character, Transphobia, With lots of fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackandBlueMagpie/pseuds/BlackandBlueMagpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire and Enjolras's relationship is platonic, and for once Grantaire thinks he's finally reached a place where he's okay with that. The fact that Enjolras will actually talk to him as a friend probably helps mind.<br/>And that one certain night...<br/>But the thing he thought was going to make things simpler has just made things a whole lot more complicated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - 2

Grantaire reckons he’s pretty good at observation (he should be, according to Courfeyrac he’s nearly tied with Marius over ‘love-sick puppy of the year’ award) and if he didn’t know better (He doesn’t) he’d say something was wrong with Enjolras.   
He has a certain way about him when he’s agitated, he drums long slim fingers against anything nearby, folders, tables, a knee jittering with nerves. The other hand he brings to his mouth, his chin, occasionally up to his ear where he fiddles with a long healed-over piercing. He doesn’t quite pay attention, watching the room rather than the speaker, lips thinly pressed, then pouty, twisting in a frown. Even when he’s talking himself he stares over the heads of the group, as if the exit sign is more interested in a policy on legal gender than any of them.  
He sets his mind to ask him about it after the meeting, then regrets that decision then settles on it again as Jehan kisses him on the cheek and waves him off. And then it’s just the pair of them, packing up their various things on opposite sides of the room. He tucks away a sketchbook, takes a lungful of air and turns around.  
“Hey Enjolras-“  
“Listen Grantaire,” He doesn’t even turn, but raises a hand first in acknowledgement but then to push roughly through his hair, that’s already coming out of its ponytail from where he’s been doing it all night. “If it’s about the posters Feuilly volunteered and I’m sure they’ll be happy for your input.”   
“Well no, it wasn’t…”  
“Then what?” Enjolras does turn now, looking beaten down.   
“I wanted to see if you were okay.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“You’re clearly not.”  
“Then why even ask?” Enjolras returns to his satchel, shoving in the last of the papers none too carefully.  
“To see what the problem was?” Grantaire shrugs. A sigh.  
“Some idiot of a cousin told my grandfather I’m Trans so he’s planning to disown me. Happy now?”  
“I’m not that much of an arsehole.”   
“You’re right.” This time when Enjolras pushes a hand through his hair it actually undoes the ponytail. “I’m sorry.”  
“Do you want to actually talk about it? I’m sure you’ve already bent Combeferre and Courfeyrac’s ears with it but… Well you know I understand that feeling and I may not be the best at practicalities but I can certainly tell you all about the fuck you stage.” He grins and Enjolras snorts.   
“I suppose it couldn’t hurt.” He admits.   
“My place is just down the road if you fancy coffee or something. Unless you’d rather stay here?”  
“No, I like the idea of coffee. I could do with something after today.” Enjolras pulls his bag over his shoulder as Grantaire holds the door open.   
“Well I can probably provide a few different types of something.”   
They talk about menial things as they walk, work, the meeting, their friends. It’s not until they get in and Grantaire settles for making coffee and bringing a couple of bottles out that they start chatting about the reason they’re here.   
“How did it happen for you?” Enjolras asks, cupping his mug off coffee that he’s already topped up with a little whiskey.   
“I told them I wanted to take my boyfriend to my sixth form prom.”  
“Oh… What did they uh…”  
“Well the short answer is I didn’t go to prom. The longer answer is they told me I had until Saturday, and that I wouldn’t get anything else from them as long as they lived.”   
“My aunt called me up to warn me, good job too because all I got when granddad called was about half an hour of how I was going to hell and what was I doing to myself and how I’d been such a lovely girl and why couldn’t I just stop this charade. Then he topped it off by saying he didn’t want to see me until I’d come to my senses. So…”  
“You’ve started doubting everything he’s ever said to you and wondering if he ever meant any of it.”  
“Mmm…”  
“Yeah I know that one.” Grantaire leans back in his seat.   
“How did you cope?”   
“I decided to prove them wrong. I was out by Friday evening, managed to find a B&B until I found this place. Started the whole uni thing a little early. And hey, passed with flying colours in art while holding down a job which to be honest I don’t think I could have done if I hadn’t been trying to do the big fuck you thing so maybe I should thank them. And I put it in the local paper too.” He sighs a little hmm noise. “Of course this is a bit different for you but you know… You can’t let him stop you, it’s too late now to change so you just move forward. Prove what you can do.” Enjolras considers it as he tops up their mugs.   
“I just want to know… Stupid things like will he still have his photos of me, or will he put my name on cards. It’s all ridiculous. I just don’t know how to process the fact he’s, well abandoned me.”  
“Then take as long as you need. To process and figure out coping strategies and all of that kind of crap. I’ll be here, I can help as much as I can. And everyone else too if you ever want to tell them.”  
“Thanks. That’s actually kinda helped.”   
“Well I just want you to be a bit happier.” Enjolras smiles at this, sipping from his drink.  
“That’s really sweet.”   
They talk after that, both skirting the subject that’s brought them here and instead discussing the meeting, plans for upcoming events, and for once Grantaire holds his tongue over politics. He only half notices that they keep topping up their mugs, that Enjolras is smiling more now, laughing more, and that he himself can’t help but join in.   
“You’ve really helped tonight.” Enjolras leans his cheek on one hand, his knees tucked under him so he can fully face Grantaire.  
“Well I’m more than just a good for nothing.” Grantaire shrugs, finishing the last dregs that are only vaguely tinted with coffee.   
“I never meant that.” Enjolras murmurs, and there’s a long pause as Grantaire’s lagging brain tries to process. Enjolras is close now, watching him with deep blue eyes that are impossibly sharp all things considered. He’s left his hair down, and it falls around his shoulders in soft waves, and Grantaire reaches out to smooth them back.   
Enjolras leans forward, just a little, to place a kiss on his lips.   
All of Grantaire starts yelling at that moment, different things ringing round his head in disbelief and shock.   
“You’re emotional.” Is the only thing that escapes his lips.   
“I want to. I’m sure, if you are.” Grantaire only laughs quietly, pushing his fingers into Enjolras’s waves. Then he brings their lips together again.

~~~

Grantaire wakes up with less of a headache than he should rightfully have. He rolls over onto his side, almost onto Enjolras who apparently seeks heat in his sleep. He shuffles back a bit to better observe the sleeping face, lashes resting on lightly freckled cheeks, hair curling across the pillows and over Enjolras’s hands that are clasped in front of his lips.  
He smiles slightly, though he admits he’s a little disbelieving of what happened. He takes the entire thing at face value, they’d both had a few drinks, had both dragged up emotions as they talked. It’s unlikely to be the start of anything, and for once Grantaire thinks he’s okay with that. So for now he’s content to take this in and store it to memory.   
Enjolras groans quietly, bringing a hand to wipe across his eyes before he opens them. Then he jumps.  
“Grantaire.” Grantaire raises a hand slightly. “Oh… Yeah.”  
“Are you okay..?”   
“Slightly hung over, otherwise alright. Sorry I jumped, I just forgot where I was for a minute.”   
“That’s alright.” Enjolras flops back down with a sigh. “You want breakfast?”   
“Coffee would actually be great…” Grantaire pulls on a pair of jeans as he gets up.  
“Coming right up.”  
Enjolras joins him in the kitchen, dressed in last night’s clothes, hair smoothed as best as it can be.   
“Hey um…” He leans against the counter, looking slightly awkward. “I wanted to say thank you, for last night. All of it.”   
“It was nothing.” Grantaire offers him a mug.  
“It was to me.” Enjolras tells him as he takes it. “I don’t want a relationship so… Well I really hope you don’t think I’ve just used you or…” He takes a sip off the coffee, flushing.  
“Of course not. We both wanted it, and I honestly didn’t expect anything more than just last night.”  
“Oh, then I’ll just stop talking.” He goes a little redder. Grantaire laughs quietly.  
“No don’t, that’d be weird.”   
“Can I keep speaking to you about everything? With my granddad and stuff, I mean you were really helpful last night.”   
“Of course, just maybe not too much or people might get suspicious.” Grantaire teases. Enjolras smiles in amusement.  
“Let them.”


	2. 9-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire packs up as slowly as possible as Enjolras leaves with his friends, then after a long while eventually comes back in to collect his stuff. Enjolras jumps as he glances up.  
> “You’re still here.”  
> “Yeah… You seemed upset.”  
> “I’m just tired.” Enjolras tells him firmly. “I’ve not been feeling great.”  
> “I noticed.” He’s pale, looking tired and slightly drawn.  
> “Is that all?” Enjolras asks as he picks up his bag.  
> “Are you avoiding me?”

Enjolras, being true to his word, actually does start speaking to Grantaire more in the weeks that follow. Jehan watches them closely, sharing their ideas with Courfeyrac who’s slung an arm around them so as to lean in closer. When questioned, Grantaire tells them they’ve come to a mutual understanding that will in no way affect their arguments at the meetings.  
Having coffee also becomes a regular thing, though un-spiked and usually in a more reputable establishment than his living room.  
Enjolras also, for the first time in the groups’ year long history, actually takes a day off sick, leaving Combeferre and Courfeyrac to head a slightly rowdy group.  
And then another day comes where Enjolras is agitated. He pulls his jacket more tightly around himself, as he says goodnight to Combeferre and Courfeyrac, not really watching them.  
“Listen I know Enjolras is gorgeous but don’t I get to say goodbye?” Jehan asks, folding their arms with a mock pout. Grantaire blinks back to reality.  
“Oh I’m really sorry I just…”  
“We all know something happened, and obviously you don’t want to go into details but you know… Talk to me. Then I can be happy for you.”  
“It was a one-time thing.” Grantaire tells him and Jehan grins.  
“I knew it. When?”  
“I guess about a month or so ago? Can we talk about this some when else?” He smiles in amusement.  
“Alright… But only if you buy me coffee and cake.”  
“Done deal.”  
“Good, and you’d better give me all the details.” Jehan leans up to kiss his cheek. “Now go on, go check what’s wrong.”  
“Night Jehan.”  
He’ll admit his lurking is a bit more awkward than intended, but Enjolras seems that he’s all but avoiding being alone with him. Grantaire packs up as slowly as possible as Enjolras leaves with his friends, then after a long while eventually comes back in to collect his stuff. Enjolras jumps as he glances up.  
“You’re still here.”  
“Yeah… You seemed upset.”  
“I’m just tired.” Enjolras tells him firmly. “I’ve not been feeling great.”  
“I noticed.” He’s pale, looking tired and slightly drawn.  
“Is that all?” Enjolras asks as he picks up his bag.  
“Are you avoiding me?” Grantaire blurts. Enjolras pauses, blinking at him. “You’ve just acted weird all evening.”  
“I’m just not feeling very social.”  
“And yet Combeferre and Courfeyrac get a half an hour chat while you think I’m leaving.” Enjolras pauses, opens his mouth and then shuts it again, unable to think of a reason. “So you were.”  
“It wasn’t personal…”  
“Of course it wasn’t.”  
“Grantaire for God’s sake I’m just a bit stressed and I couldn’t face up to talking to people today. I almost didn’t come but then that would look odd and-“ He stops catching his breath.  
“Do you want to talk? I’ve got better coffee this time-“  
“Your coffee has done more than enough!” Enjolras snaps, then sits down hard on the seat next to him, looking down at the floor.  
“Now that was personal.” Grantaire murmurs. “Seriously what’s happened? What have I done?”  
“Nothing… Exactly…”  
“Enjolras.”  
“I’m pregnant.” It’s said so frankly that even Enjolras looks surprised, and it leaves Grantaire silenced.  
“You’re uh…”  
“Yeah.”  
“But you’re…”  
“I still have a uterus Grantaire.” Enjolras sighs, pushing a hand through his hair.  
“And it’s…”  
“Of course it is.” He mutters. “I don’t generally make a habit of getting drunk and… Well.” Grantaire opts to sit down now, on the chair vaguely opposite. “I’ve landed this on you.”  
“What are you going to do?” Grantaire asks at almost exactly the same time. The question seems to distress Enjolras further.  
“I don’t know. I don’t know! It’s all so unplanned and sudden I can’t even process- I mean it’s my baby and I have always wanted kids but I figured I adopt like other gay guys. And that thought makes me- But then I think of how much this is already getting me stressed out and how much everything is going to change. I mean I’m pregnant. People are going to know, and know that I’m- I don’t want to be a freak show…” He sniffs. “But then I’m back to the whole baby thing and how I feel like I want this just… I don’t know.” He finishes miserably. Grantaire chews on the side of his thumb.  
“I uh… When did you find out?”  
“Yesterday, when I finally got out of bed and realised that a month of nausea and throwing up wasn’t excusable anymore.”  
“You didn’t… Before..?”  
“I’m on T Grantaire, my periods are supposed to stop.”  
“Right of course. I’m just trying to figure out how-“  
“We were both overemotional, mistakes happen Grantaire.” Enjolras retorts, then sighs quietly. “You don’t actually have to be anything to do with this. I wasn’t even sure if I could tell you.” Grantaire snaps out of his confusion just a little at this.  
“Of course you could. I’m not going to just leave you to deal with this. It’s my baby too.”  
“Really?” He glances up.  
“Whatever you end up deciding.” Grantaire tells him.  
“Even if I..?”  
“It’s your choice, you have to make the decision that’s best for you.” Enjolras manages a small smile.  
“And if I did decide to keep it?”  
“I’ll be there for whatever you need.” Enjolras rubs his arm roughly.  
“I didn’t really take you as a kids guy.”  
“Doesn’t fit in with the image?” Enjolras gives him a look, as if to tell him not to. “Just ask Bahorel’s sisters, their kids love me.”  
“I’m sorry, there’s just so much I don’t know about you…” Grantaire shrugs.  
“You can learn.” Enjolras nods, with another small smile. He looks rather more relaxed now, though he still appears to be holding himself together, hands holding the fabric of his jacket sleeves.  
“I’ve not even told Combeferre and Courfeyrac yet… I’ve not really processed properly. So could you not mention this to anyone, until I’ve figured everything and gotten everything sorted?”  
“No of course, that’s perfectly understandable. Though you may get a call from me tomorrow to do the freak out thing because usually Jehan would be getting an earful.” Enjolras smiles, then turns more serious again.  
“You’re really okay?”  
“I think so.” Grantaire reassures him. “In theory. I just need to process a little and there might be some ‘oh my god’ moments in that but… I think I am.” He places his hands on the table, clasped together slightly nervously. “I do want to be involved though, I want to support you in either decision. Doctors’ visits, if you decided to abort I’ll be there too and if not then I’ll help with decorating and names or- Oh wow…” He has to pause a moment as the enormity of what he’s been told actually hits him. “Okay the uh slight freak out may come a little early…”  
Enjolras reaches across to take his hands, rather forcibly.  
“That’s okay. This is massive. I’m still freaking out and I’ve had a day to process it.”  
“You’re absolutely sure?”  
“Believe me I took so many tests…” Grantaire nods, taking in a few deep breaths.  
“What next?”  
“I guess I go to the doctor… If you’d like to come?” Enjolras sounds slightly more uncertain now.  
“No I would. I really would. I’m just taking it in.”  
It takes quite a few more minutes, and a cigarette break but between them they half get there. The landlord calls last orders by the time they actually leave, neither having said much more on the topic, but instead mulling it over in their own minds.  
“I’ll try and get an appointment in the next few days. So I’ll text you?”  
“For that and anything else you need.”  
“Well I highly doubt you want to hold my hair back but thank you for the offer.”

~~~

Waiting rooms are never a pleasant experience, even less so when it’s nearly lunch time on a Friday and you’ve been here since half ten. Enjolras is all but coiled beside him, arms folded around himself, it’s a stark contrast to the usually confident and self-assured leader he’s used to and he starts getting a better idea of what Enjolras had been like before they met. He shifts on the plastic covered seats, as people come and go from the room as if everyone knows.  
Occasionally Grantaire picks up one of the months old magazines, which to be honest he suspects hold more germs than the rest of the room combined. But flicking through the various home and lifestyle magazines seems to only throw up the topic on his mind. He gives up when he finds his 5th ‘how to decorate the nursery’ spread.  
“This was a mistake.” Enjolras mumbles. “It’s a sign.”  
“I didn’t have you as a superstitious type.”  
“Well it’s hardly good!”  
“Hey, hey.” Grantaire tries to soothe him. “You know this doctor right?” Enjolras makes a small noise in the affirmative. “And she’s lovely right?”  
“Yeah…”  
“Then she can help us. She can give us all the information we need.” He’s not sure if they’re at the stage where he can hug Enjolras, despite everything, so the pair sit in silence for a little while longer, Enjolras fiddling with his fingers and the zip of his coat.  
“Enjolras?” An Indian lady with glasses and a long plait pokes her head around the door and Enjolras all but jumps up.  
“Y-Yes.”  
“Would you like to come through?” She has a kind smile, watching them both as they pass her into the corridor and through to her office. “And is this your partner?” She asks.  
“Oh.” Enjolras glances up. “No this is just a friend. Grantaire this is Shashi, she’s been really good in the past helping with everything.”  
“Nice to meet you.” Grantaire holds out his hand, which is taken in a firm handshake before she offers him a spare chair.  
“Now, what can I do for you?” Enjolras stalls a little, completely lost for words now.  
“Well I- It’s a bit complicated because- You see-“ He looks back down to his hands. “I um… I’m pregnant.” A moment of shock passes over her face, slipping through her professional exterior from the part that deeply cares for the man in front of her. Then she looks across to Grantaire who tries his best not to look as awkward as possible.  
“I think I understand why he’s joined you now then.” She turns to the computer to begin pulling up some information. “Obviously this is quite a daunting time for any first time pregnancy even without factoring in circumstances. Have you come to any decisions on keeping the baby?”  
“We’ve been discussing it but it’s all been a bit much to take in.” Grantaire answers, as Enjolras nods.  
“Well understandably. And how long since your last period?”  
“I think it was August… But I’m sure I’m two and a bit months… Grantaire’s the only person I’ve slept with recently.” She nods as she types. “But I only found out last week.”  
“And have you been taking testosterone since then?”  
“No, but I had been before.”  
“Is that why you hadn’t realised?”  
“My periods had been getting pretty irregular yes. I thought it was just working.”  
“You are aware that if you decided to keep the baby you won’t be able to continue with HRT until after you give birth?”  
“Mm…”  
“Changes such as your voice will be retained however.” Enjolras nods again, still not looking up. “Any other symptoms? Nausea, tiredness, cravings, sore chest?”  
“I uh- I’ve been sick I thought it was a stomach bug.” He pushes a hand into his hair.  
“Anything else?”  
“Tired I guess.” He’s getting more agitated, looking slightly shaky.  
“Any family history of genetic diseases?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Do you smoke?”  
“No.” His voice wavers slightly.  
“Excuse me, Doctor Shashi.” Grantaire cuts in. “I know it’s busy but I think we need a moment. May we..?” She glances across to him, then nods with a smile.  
“I’ll go and find some more information for the pair of you.” She tells them as she quietly heads for the door. Grantaire moves to kneel in front of Enjolras.  
“How’re you doing?”  
“There’s just so much I don’t know- It’s so overwhelming.” Enjolras buries his face in his hands. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know.” His voice is tearful, panicked. Grantaire gently places a hand on his knee.  
“That’s okay. It is overwhelming.”  
“You seem fine.” Enjolras mumbles.  
“I’m not the one being questioned, or who’s pregnant.”  
“I just don’t know what to do.” Enjolras admits, lowing his hands. Grantaire reaches to smooth his hair.  
“You have to do what’s best for you.” He holds out his arms, allowing Enjolras to bury his face in his shoulder. Grantaire gently rubs his back. “You don’t have to stand up and be strong all the time, you can tell her to slow down or that you don’t want to continue. She knows you, she’ll understand your decision.”  
“But this is still happening. And the baby…”  
“Just focus on yourself right now. No decisions, we can get the information and come back to it. I’m here, I can help if it gets too overwhelming again. Remember that.” Enjolras nods. “If I could make this easier I could, hell I would swap places if I could.”  
“Really?” Enjolras glances up, raising an eyebrow.  
“I think it’s… Kind of cool.” Grantaire admits. “That you can grow a little person.”  
“I guess it is… I’ve always thought of my periods and pregnancy as such a feminine thing but when you put it like that it’s slightly more… I don’t know.” There’s a knock on the door.  
“Can I come back in?” Shashi asks, Enjolras nods slightly, pushing himself back onto the chair.  
“Yeah I think we’re better.” Grantaire calls, he shifts his chair a little nearer, so he can hold Enjolras’s hand as she re-enters.  
“I got you a bit of information about all aspects. But I think for now we should talk, if it’s okay with you, about what you need to think about if you’re going to continue with the pregnancy.”  
“I think… I think I am.” Enjolras says, and she looks across at him with surprise that Grantaire’s sure is mirrored on his own face. “I know it’s going to be hard I might regret this at some points but I think right now I want to keep going.” Enjolras nods.  
“Well.” She smiles. “I’m glad you’ve been able to start reaching a decision. In that case I’ll start giving you more information on what sort of things you should be eating and avoiding, supplements and getting in contact with a midwife. Now your circumstances are unusual but they’re not unheard of and I recommend that you do some research into other similar cases, and obviously speak to your therapist at some point in the near future. I’m going to try and find a midwife that I think would be suitable for you, and who’ll understand the circumstances surrounding. I’ll send you a letter when I have some further details, hopefully in the next week because I’d quite like you to meet before your 12 week scan. Does that sounds agreeable?”  
“Daunting but I think so.” Enjolras’s fingers tighten a little around Grantaires’.  
“Good.” She begins laying out a few leaflets. “It’ll be a good idea to start a folic acid supplement as soon as possible. That’ll be until you reach your second trimester. We also recommend you take vitamin D throughout and after if you breastfeed.”  
“Alright…” Enjolras begins looking a little freaked out again, but takes a deep breath to calm himself.  
“This leaflet will give you more of an idea of your eating habits during pregnancy. Things like avoiding rare steak and blue cheese and coffee and all the other fun things.” She smiles. “You obviously know not to drink. In general just eat healthily and try not to give in to any particularly weird cravings.”  
“Well there’s not much worry of that at the moment.” Enjolras smiles wryly. Shashi gives him a sympathetic look.  
“I know how that feels. If it continues to be bad we can give you some medication but before then I found ginger was good and obviously bland foods. Of course if people can cook for you too that’s always a perk.”  
“I’m a better cook than him anyway.” Grantaire tells her with an amused glance at Enjolras who rolls his eyes. Shashi explains a few more general things, regarding screenings, scans and the basic outline of what to expect when they meet the midwife.  
“I think that’s about everything I can go through so if you’re satisfied I’ll give you these,” She stacks up the leaflets she’s been going through. “And wish you well.”  
“Thank you.” Enjolras’s lips raise in a slight smile. “I feel a lot better now.”  
“And if you have any problems or you change your mind or anything at all you can call me. Okay?”  
“Okay. Of course.”  
“Well then I’ll be in contact when I’ve sorted the appointment.” She shakes both their hands again as they leave the room. Enjolras is silent until they get outside the surgery, clasping the various leaflets in his hands. Then he turns to Grantaire.  
“We’re actually going to do this.”  
“It looks like it.”  
“Huh.” Enjolras laughs softly, slightly shakily still. “Wow… I can’t quite…”  
“I know.”  
“We’re going to be Dads…”  
“We’ll have to be sensible and start thinking about where we’re living and nurseries and everything else like that.”  
“Don’t get carried away, anything could happen…”  
“I know. But you have to think positively.”  
“That’s something I never thought I’d hear from you.” Enjolras breaks into a smile. Grantaire laughs to himself.  
“You want to get some lunch?”  
“I’m actually starving.”  
“Yeah, not feeling unwell?”  
“Please don’t turn into a mother hen during this.” Enjolras tells him as they start walking. “People will get suspicious.”  
“You’re not going to tell them?”  
“Not yet, not until the scan and I know things are okay. Is that alright?”  
“Yeah it sounds reasonable.” Grantaire’s itching to take Enjolras’s hand, so instead he shoves it into his own pocket. “What do you fancy for lunch?”  
“Pasta something like that… Fatty things are really” He pulls a face. “At the moment.”  
They find a café down the street and talk things over. Despite saying he was starving Enjolras mostly picks at his pasta salad as he flicks through a few of the leaflets.  
“I’m not looking forward to having to forgo coffee…” He comments, reading the various advisories.  
Grantaire, most definitely starving and therefore eating rather quicker than is probably necessary cranes his neck to read the text.  
“Anything else odd?”  
“No unpasteurised milk or cheese… And oh damn green tea in moderation which means I’ll have to avoid Jehan’s tea collection. What a shame…” Grantaire snorts. “I didn’t realise quite how many recommendations there are… I guess I also never really thought I’d have to worry about it… It might take me until the next appointment to get through all this.” 

They buy a few things after, stocking up on crackers and carbs and whatever else Enjolras thinks he might be able to stomach alongside some vitamins that Enjolras swears he’s going to draw all over as soon as he gets home, and ginger tablets.  
Grantaire, true to his word, comes round most evenings to cook something that Enjolras usually manages to keep down, even if only in part. There’s usually leftovers that he agrees to try and eat later in the evening or for lunch the next day, trying the little and often approach.  
“A letter came through.” Enjolras tells him one evening over their evening meal. “She’s given us a few dates in the next couple of weeks. And she’s given me the name of a group for Trans parents.” He grins. “I can actually talk to someone who’s done this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's anything anyone doesn't think is portrayed correctly please do tell me! I've researched a lot for this story but I'd hate if anyone was made uncomfortable by it


	3. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And furthermore the treatment of-“ Enjolras cuts of as Bossuet runs in, pulling off his coat with a greeting of ‘sorry, sorry.’  
> “We overran at work and then there was the tube to contend with… But hey I’m here now, so sorry for interrupting.” He grins.  
> “I brought your dinner.” Musichetta digs around in her bag.  
> “Oh you’re a star.” Bossuet kisses her on the lips before turning to do the same to Joly.  
> “As I was saying.” Enjolras starts again. “The treatment of-“ He balks as the warm aroma of spices and aromatics floods the room, turning nearly white. “I’m sorry I really need to…” He doesn’t quite finish as he hurries out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for sickness and vomiting

Grantaire, as promised, dishes most of the dirt to Jehan at their next coffee meeting, which has taken rather longer than expected given all that’s been going on. In the last week.  
“This had better be good.” Jehan tells him as they settle on the sofa. “I don’t usually expect to wait so long after something so big happens. Especially not my best friend.”  
“I’m sorry, work and everything has just been a massive pain.” Grantaire lies, promising that he will explain everything soon. “I had a commission then we were short staffed and everything snowballed. But I’m here now.”  
“So?”  
“Oh don’t get your hopes up.” Grantaire tells them, as Jehan’s mischievous eyes appear over the rim of their coffee cup. “It was still only a one-time thing and nothing’s going to come of it.” Not exactly anyway.  
“I’d say something has.”  
“What?” Grantaire frowns.  
“Well he’s actually been talking to you a lot more recently.”  
“Okay that did. We’re friends now but nothing else. It was nice.”  
“Nice? You made me wait 2 months for nice?”  
“Fine, it was great.” Grantaire laughs. “It was what we both needed at the time. It was very sweet and loving, nothing dirty like I’m sure you’re imagining.”  
“I’m allowed! You’ve been pining over him since the group started. I’m happy if you are.”  
“I am.” Jehan grins at him. “So then what about you? Keeping Courfeyrac in check.”  
“Oh if you only knew… It can be a bit different from your ‘sweet and loving’.” 

~~~

At meetings they continue mainly as normal, Grantaire still argues, Enjolras still comes back at him with the odd scathing remark. He supposes there must be a slight change, enough for people to have noticed that they’re a bit closer now but Enjolras doesn’t seem overly bothered, so Grantaire decides not to be either.  
“And furthermore the treatment of-“ Enjolras cuts of as Bossuet runs in, pulling off his coat with a greeting of ‘sorry, sorry.’  
“We overran at work and then there was the tube to contend with… But hey I’m here now, so sorry for interrupting.” He grins.  
“I brought your dinner.” Musichetta digs around in her bag.  
“Oh you’re a star.” Bossuet kisses her on the lips before turning to do the same to Joly.  
“As I was saying.” Enjolras starts again. “The treatment of-“ He balks as the warm aroma of spices and aromatics floods the room, turning nearly white. “I’m sorry I really need to…” He doesn’t quite finish as he hurries out. The room is mostly silent, except the tail end of Chetta saying the food might be a little cold.  
“Well.” Grantaire leans back in his chair. “I told you he’s mortal, even the great leader gets bugs in the winter.” He swings his feet down and pushes himself up. “To take advantage does anyone want a drink?”  
“I’m always up for that after an hour underground.” Bossuet volunteers, swiftly followed by Bahorel who puts in an order for Feuilly too despite protests. Grantaire leaves with an actual list, which is hastily shoved in a pocket as he hurries toward the toilets.  
“Enjolras..?”  
“Mm…” The noise comes from behind a slightly open door, followed by a bout of coughing. Grantaire carefully pushes the door aside to get into the cubicle too. “Oh god…” He wretches again, one hand on his forehead in a vain attempt to keep his hair back, the other scrabbling at the side of the pan. Grantaire crouches down to smooth back the escaping locks from his damp forehead. “I was doing so well too… And then that smell hit me and I just-“ As if in demonstration he coughs out more bile, before sitting back slightly, breathing deeply. “Oh… Oh god.” He swallows hard. “I’ve actually never felt this shit.” Grantaire gently pulls him so he can lean back against his chest. “I’m sorry this probably wasn’t how you envisioned your evening.”  
“Well… No. But hey I kind of signed up for it and usually I’m not here to help so for once you can actually have me to look after you.”  
“Won’t the others get suspicious?”  
“I’m getting drinks. Take as long as you need, the bar’s ‘busy’.”  
“How long do you reckon before the food’s gone?”  
“Bossuet on an empty stomach and Chetta’s curry? Probably before I left the room.”  
“Oh-“ He convulses a little, holding up a hand. “Nope, okay.” Grantaire begins rubbing gentle circular patterns on his shoulders. “Why is it being mean to me? I’m being good.” He rubs his stomach with a quiet groan. “Then again in a while I might wish this is the worst we have to deal with.”  
“One step at a time. You want some water?”  
“Mhmm…”  
“I’ll go grab the drinks, it might be a few minutes.”  
“Well I don’t think I’m moving.” Enjolras tells him. Grantaire squeezes his shoulders before getting up as carefully as he can. Enjolras reaches across to flush the toilet, then resting his head back on his knees.  
“I’ll try and be quick.” He gets a half-hearted wave in return.  
The bar isn’t too bad when he arrives, laying down his list on the bar with a grin. The landlord raises an amused eyebrow.  
“Your round is it?”  
“Whether I’ll see the return is another matter.” The landlord snorts as he goes about collecting up the various mixes and draughts. A small collection grows on the tray in front of him. “And a glass of water.” Grantaire adds as he hands over the change.  
“One of you going dry on me?”  
“Would we?” Grantaire grins, balancing the tray with the experience of years of waiting tables and bars. “Thanks!”  
Enjolras is much in the same position as he left him, face buried in his arms. He places the tray by the sinks, taking on the water across to the stall.  
“Here, sip it.” He crouches back down next to Enjolras. Enjolras takes a few careful sips of the offered water, murmuring his thanks. He tries a little more before he gags, hastily leaning back over the bowl. “You’ll get dehydrated.”  
“I know that.” Enjolras tells him, coughing again. “Someone else doesn’t. I didn’t actually think I had anything else left…”  
“We could talk to the midwife about it.” Grantaire suggests.  
“I’ve been good all week. It was just the smell…” He sighs, leaning back again and pushing his hair back off his face. “Let me have some more water.” Grantaire holds out the glass again and Enjolras takes it this time, sipping tiny amounts each time. He eventually makes it to the end of the glass and, after a couple of minutes, nods in satisfaction. “I think we’re alright.”  
“Sure?”  
“I can’t hide out in here all night.” He pushes himself up, using Grantaire as a support and staggers his way toward the sink. “God do I really look that shit?” He asks, rubbing a hand over his face.  
“You look fine.” Grantaire tells him as he splashes water on his face and rinses his hands.  
“Aren’t you sweet?” Enjolras tries to tap a bit of colour into his cheeks though it doesn’t do much to his pallid complexion. “You go, I’ll follow you in a minute.”  
“You’re really alright?” Grantaire checks and Enjolras raises an eyebrow at him.  
“If I’m not back in 5 minutes you can come and find me, with no excuses.”  
“Fine.” Grantaire picks up the tray, backing out of the door. “But I’m warning you I’ll tell all.”  
“Just go.” Enjolras smiles weakly.  
Grantaire obeys, heading back into the room with a flourish that doesn’t really befit someone who’d recently spent time sitting on the floor of the gents.  
“Your drinks. And they’d better be worth it because there are students everywhere out there.”  
“That’s why you took so long.” Bahorel grins. “You were flirting!”  
“Not a creep, not after Freshers.” Grantaire tells him firmly, pretending to balance his drink on top of Bahorel’s head. “Bossuet, beer for your… No existent curry but never mind beggars can’t be choosers. G&T for Joly, Rum and coke for Chetta… He continues round with the various drinks until he gets back to his place between Feuilly and Jehan. ‘Bahorel ordered yours Feuilly, sorry about that.’ He signs now he has his hands free. Feuilly rolls their eyes.  
‘How’s Enjolras?’ Grantaire sips his cider, frowning.  
‘How should I know?’  
‘You have to be a lot less obvious if you want to get away with that.’ They shrug with a cheeky smile. ‘I won’t pry, just thought I’d warn you. ‘Ferre gets suspicious.’  
‘I just thought I’d be polite and take him some water.’ He settles, watching the door as Enjolras re-enters. He still looks pale, though not as shaky, and he’s managed to refill his glass of water.  
“It appears I’ve given quite the excuse for revelry.” He smiles wryly as he sits back down. “I’m sorry… ‘Ferre could you take over?” Combeferre smiles at her friend, pushing her glasses back up her nose and starting from where they left off.  
“Are you really alright?” Joly asks Enjolras quietly, looking slightly fretful.  
“I’m a bit better now. It’s probably just a 24 hour bug.” Enjolras sooths zem.  
“But if it’s more serious or it keeps going on…”  
“I’ll go to the doctors and I’ll tell you.” Enjolras promises, and it seems to calm Joly a little from zir panic. Being genderqueer has only recently been something Joly came to realise and accept, and being unable to take control of zir gender Joly had focussed on other areas, becoming obsessive with the health of zirself and zir friends. Zir relationship with Bossuet and Musichetta is gradually helping, especially with coming to terms with zir gender, but it’s a long slow process and Grantaire smiles a little to see Enjolras treat zem so patiently. They exchange a few more words, and Joly lays a hand on Enjolras’s forehead briefly before seeming to decide the best course of action is to offer him a mint. Enjolras chuckles a little at this, and gives his thanks in return.  
By the time they’ve all finished their drinks the meeting’s just about wrapping up. People are beginning to lounge and chat, breaking off into smaller groups to discuss various topics.  
“Oh!” Chetta suddenly remembers, murmuring to Joly and Bossuet, who proceeds to tap his glass with his pen – to quite disappointing affect. “Next week we’re going to have a little get together for Halloween. We’ll provide the mains, but desserts, drinks, and novelty items are appreciated. And yes Courfeyrac you can dress up, we wouldn’t want to deprive you.” She adds at Courfeyrac’s puppy dog expression. “Saturday from 6.30.”  
“Oh I love get togethers at their house.” Jehan grins. “What do you think is the most outrageous Halloween item I can find?”  
“Anything with glitter, and especially with special effects noises.”  
“Oh that’ll be easy…” Jehan muses. “You’ll have to make cocktails of course, you’re famed for them.”  
“The actual ones or the ones everyone loved during uni because they got you drunk without tasting bad?” Grantaire grins, Jehan elbows him in the ribs.  
“The proper ones. Surely with your creative mind you can come up with some themed ones.”  
“Alright, just for you. You can come taste test.”  
“Just what I like to hear!”

~~~

Their first appointment with the midwife comes round on Tuesday. The lady, Lydia, is running on time which means that neither of them are too highly strung when she calls them through, though Enjolras looks immediately nervous when she does, glancing around at the others in the waiting room.  
“Enjolras correct? Nice to meet you I’m Lydia Baxter. She shakes his hand with a wide smile. “And you must be Grantaire was it?”  
“Correct, well done.”  
“Well they’re not names you hear every day.” She gestures for them to sit down. “Now this is going to be a lot of form filling I’m afraid before we get to the more interesting bits like poking you with needles. Doctor Shashi has given me quite a few of her notes as a start and told me about the situation so I’m going to try and make this as easy for the pair of you as possible. If anything makes you uncomfortable or you’d rather speak to her just tell me and we can try and sort out something of a system. Okay?”  
Enjolras nods, looking slightly less overwhelmed than he did in the first appointment. Grantaire’s hand rests carefully on his back.  
“Well I guess we should get straight into it, did you bring a urine sample? Excellent.” She’s very smiley Grantaire decides, as she takes the small jar from Enjolras. “We just need to check it for protein, nothing too serious.” She tells them, placing it to one side for the moment. “Would you prefer to do forms first or all the measuring bits?”  
“I guess we could get measurements out of the way…”  
“It’s just to check BMI and blood pressure.” she informs him as they go about checking Enjolras’s height and weight. “By the look of you you really should be alright but it’s good to have on record. Oh, dead on 170.” She notes the height in her book as Enjolras sits down again. “If you could just roll up your sleeve…”  
The appointment continues in fairly standard fashion, trying to answer seemingly obscure questions, remembering dates, relatives, symptoms, everything imaginable.  
“From what you’ve told me I think you’re just over 11 weeks, but the ultrasound should give us a more precise idea. However currently I’d put your due date in early May. And I know it seems early to start thinking about things like that but I will start giving you information about where and how you might decide to give birth.” Enjolras’s fingers find Grantaire’s as a grounding, but he keeps his eyes steadily on the midwife. “Obviously the choice between natural and caesarean but also if you’d prefer to have a home birth. I’d just suggest beginning to give it some thought so you can be prepared.” Enjolras nods.  
“That sounds sensible.”  
“I don’t think you should be at risk of diabetes or pre-eclampsia but obviously we’ll monitor you throughout and if you have any concerns about how you’re feeling or the baby call and we’ll fit you in.”  
“Of course.”  
“Shashi also told me she’s put you in contact with a group so you can talk about your circumstances.” Enjolras smiles slightly. “I think that’s wonderful and to keep up the contact and if I might suggest keeping a written record of how this affects you, if it does so we can try and help with and dysphoria or particular worries.”  
“Thank you, I will.”  
“I’m sorry this has probably been a lot of me talking, and it’s probably extremely boring for you but just give me another ten minutes or so to go over your notes.” She brings out a paper folder. “Now your notes are basically everything I or any other medical professional would need to know about your pregnancy. Medical conditions, birth plan, family, due date, you name it it’ll probably end up in here at some point.” She begins tucking in the various pieces of paper they’ve been amassing. “We suggest you keep it with you if you travel, and obviously bring them here so we have a continual record.”  
She goes over a few more details of the various tests they might encounter, suggested exercises, pulling together a rough plan of care for Enjolras over the coming months.  
“There’s also workshops we suggest you attend. Including one on breastfeeding if that’s what you’re planning..?”  
“I haven’t really figure that out yet.” Enjolras admits. “I’m taking it very one step at a time.”  
“Of course. Well we can discuss those when you’re ready. But the others I’ll start referring you to.” She tucks in a leaflet or two. “And I’ll book you in for your scans as well, hopefully we’ll get those underway as soon as possible.” She checks everything over again. “And you have my number now if you need anything in the meantime, but otherwise I’ll probably see you in about a month.” She passes across the already heavy folder to Enjolras, with another of her broad smiles. “It was lovely to meet you both, and obviously I wish you the best of luck.”

“What do you think?” Grantaire asks as they leave, Enjolras hugging the folder to his chest.  
“She’s… Smiley.” He says eventually, before breaking into an amused smile. Grantaire laughs.  
“I’ll give you that. You think you’ll like her.”  
“So far. She didn’t refer to me as female or say anything terrible. And I trust Shashi’s judgement, she wouldn’t have put me with someone who was going to turn around and start spouting cissexist crap at me once I trusted them.” Grantaire nods, content enough with that.  
“I just didn’t realise how many forms there were. I can’t remember what genetic disease my grandfather may or may not have had.” Enjolras snorts, smiling again.  
“It’s strangely therapeutic.”  
“If you say so.”

“Mm. What is this again?” Jehan asks later that evening, sipping at the dark drink – number 3 of the evening so far. Grantaire looks up at them, sitting on the countertop that he’s working on.  
“Oh, uh… Black Cat.”  
“I prefer this one.”  
“To..?” Grantaire asks, taking the glass to take a swig himself.  
“Uh… The spider liquorice thing.”  
“Alright, we’ll set that to one side.” Grantaire agrees, moving the black glass to the far end of the bench.   
“What else do you have up your sleeve?” Jehan grins.  
“Well we could go for the classic corpse reviver.” Grantaire leans on his hands, his mind only half engaged. “If that’s not too cliché. If we want something fruitier we could go for Devil’s Punch?”   
“Which is?” Grantaire has to think, and he can feel Jehan’s eyes on him as he tries to concentrate.  
“Tequila… Limoncello, there’s orange juice…”  
“Is something wrong?” Jehan asks, spinning round to face him.   
“Nothing’s wrong no.” Jehan takes his face in their hands, making him look up.  
“Something’s on your mind. It’s been biting you for ages.” Grantaire shoots them a small smile, one eyebrow raised.   
“Nothing’s wrong.” He repeats.  
“There’s still something.” Jehan lets him go, instead leaning their chin on one curled hand. “Come on, you can tell me.” There’s genuine concern, and Grantaire really should have known better than to try and hide this from Jehan, especially after today.   
“I will.” He says eventually.  
“Just not right now?” Grantaire shakes his head.   
“I want to, but I can’t yet.”  
“Fine.” Jehan concedes after a few moments. “But I’d better be first to know, I was your roommate.”  
“You always are.”


	4. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday comes round rather quicker than expected, and before Grantaire knows it they’re all piled into Joly, Bossuet and Chetta’s kitchen diner (Because where else do parties happen) chatting about the week. There are a few costumes, Chetta opted for a mermaid, combining her turquoise sari with part of a costume and scale make up, Joly and Bossuet pirates. Courfeyrac is supposed to be a wizard, but failing to find an actual robe has ended up with a smoking jacket so looks more like a wizened toff. Jehan, as ever, has managed to look ethereal as a fairy with some rather impressive make up. For the rest, it’s primarily a rag tag of occasional vampire fangs, the odd bit of fake blood and then Bahorel, who enters a little late to reveal a scarily accurate Frank-en-Furter costume, causing Feuilly to break down into fits of giggles every time they look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to cut the previous chapter off too early, so there's a slight addition at the end of that one :)

Saturday comes round rather quicker than expected, and before Grantaire knows it they’re all piled into Joly, Bossuet and Chetta’s kitchen diner (Because where else do parties happen) chatting about the week. There are a few costumes, Chetta opted for a mermaid, combining her turquoise sari with part of a costume and scale make up, Joly and Bossuet pirates. Courfeyrac is supposed to be a wizard, but failing to find an actual robe has ended up with a smoking jacket so looks more like a wizened toff. Jehan, as ever, has managed to look ethereal as a fairy with some rather impressive make up. For the rest, it’s primarily a rag tag of occasional vampire fangs, the odd bit of fake blood and then Bahorel, who enters a little late to reveal a scarily accurate Frank-en-Furter costume, causing Feuilly to break down into fits of giggles every time they look at him.  
Dinner is due at 7, so Grantaire beings distributing various cocktails to the individuals who, after being shooed, have finally got to the lounge. Between them Jehan, Courfeyrac, Bahorel and Feuilly opt for 2 of everything and then begin sharing them out among themselves. Enjolras raises an eyebrow at him as he comes round.  
“You do remember I can’t drink right.”  
“I made you your very own witches brew. It’s just ginger beer and apple but…” He offers out a glass, and Enjolras grins.  
“Oh you’re a star. That sounds perfect.”  
“And there’s raspberry in there so you can count it as one of your five a day.” Enjolras smiles wryly as he sips the drink.  
“I’m not sure Shashi would agree.”  
“Dinner!” Bossuet calls, he has a novelty apron tied over his costume, a gift from Bahorel’s last trip. The table is laid out with decorations and little name tags in the shape of pumpkins with Joly’s writing on them. Everyone eventually gets settled, with a couple of minutes of deciphering.  
“Alright we have a mild and a hotter curry here.” Chetta directs. “And Bossuet has made a Malay curry too which is the middle one which isn’t too bad.”  
“Says you.” Courfeyrac teases.  
“It’s not my fault you’re a weakling.” Musichetta shoots back with a grin. “Joly wasn’t allowed near them, so ze’s contributed the rice.” She ruffles Joly’s hair, and her partner in turn sticks zir tongue out. “Help yourselves!”  
Everyone tucks in with quite some vigour, these types of events are quite famed in their group. Between them Musichetta and Bossuet make an unstoppable cooking team, so they’re usually most trusted to host them, though Bahorel isn’t adverse to roping Feuilly and Jehan in to organise one.  
Grantaire opts for a mixture, always curious. Jehan can handle things surprisingly warm, and constantly teases Courfeyrac for his aversion to anything above the ‘tikka’ level. Grantaire smiles as they play-squabble beside him. Enjolras is chatting to Combeferre, who’s spooning curry and banana onto her rice, listening intently. Marius and Cosette are chatting away to Musichetta, about moving in together he thinks. After a while he turns his attention to Joly and Bossuet. Joly is already a little tipsy, an appearance which is deceiving when Grantaire’s seen zem drink a great many people under the table during uni. It’s a long term interim stage between drink one and about 4 hours later.  
He realises, with only a little surprise, that he’s automatically keeping an eye on Enjolras now. Even as Bahorel’s laugh booms across the room at something Feuilly said (Feuilly preferring to keep to smaller groups rather than try and keep track of the whole table), and everyone turns to find out what happens one eye remains on the man opposite.  
Enjolras has opted for the mildest curry, though his sauce to rice ratio is rather low and he’s mostly picking. He does nibble a chapatti with a little more vigour however. The smell doesn’t seem to be affecting him so much tonight, but then Grantaire wasn’t here when he first arrived so the initial reaction may have been a bit different.  
“Come on what did he say?” Courfeyrac’s asking, and Feuilly is staring down at their food even more.  
“I just made the suggestion that they should have worn the gold hot pants.” Feuilly signs furiously, turning a deeper shade of red. “Oh they know far worse.” Bahorel tells them. This simply gets a raised eyebrow. “Anyway my friend here proved most unwilling to the idea.”  
“Are you surprised?” Grantaire asks, and Feuilly makes a ‘see’ gesture toward him.  
“I suppose I could offer them to someone else…” Bahorel muses. “Grantaire your costume is rather lacking.”  
“I spent the day making cocktails for you, you arse.”  
After dinner they’re treated to rather an array of Halloween themed goods. Bahorel’s opted for vodka jelly set in novelty moulds, Cosette and Marius have between them made and iced biscuits, while Jehan has managed to combine all suggestions of glitter, novelty and sound effects into cupcakes complete with spider. Desserts are mostly taken into the lounge, where people laze around to the Halloween sound track Bossuet’s composed, at least until the timewarp comes on and between them Bahorel and Courfeyrac manage to drag everyone up into the centre.  
At some point around 12.30 someone decides they should play twister. Enjolras hastily volunteers for the spinner, already looking rather tired in the corner, leaving Chetta trying to navigate in a fish tail. She ends up out pretty quickly, closely followed by Courfeyrac who claims he was sabotaged by all the excess ‘fluff’ on Cosette’s witch costume and spends the rest of the game trying to distract her. With so many bodies it’s unsurprising that at least three are knocked out when Bahorel, nearly doing the splits, finally topples over, pining Combeferre as he goes.  
“Get off you great lump!” She laughs, trying to shove him off.  
Feuilly is surprisingly good, only falling when he twists exactly the wrong way for a spot, then falling quite comically as he tries to untangle himself. It comes down to Grantaire and Cosette, who teasingly taunt each other each time the other comes near. Having both done either gymnastics or ballet they’re quite reasonably matched, so the suggestion is made that the others just start calling colours until they’re too tangled up to move. Eventually they call a tie and the pair collapse into fits of giggles, trying in vain to untangle themselves.  
Eventually, and after much encouragement from slightly more sober members of the group, people begin drifting out. Cosette and Marius leave first, then Feuilly drags Bahorel away. The rest leave en masse, laughing probably too loudly for the time of night as they leave. Courfeyrac and Jehan have flung their arms around Grantaire and Combeferre, saying hello to any other reveller they meet. Enjolras follows ever so slightly behind.  
“Hey.” He murmurs to Grantaire as Jehan and Courfeyrac begin to peel away. “Can I come home with you?”  
“Of-Of course.” Grantaire agrees, frowning.  
They leave Jehan and Courfeyrac at Jehan’s flat, after many kisses on cheeks and heartfelt goodbyes. Combeferre also slips away with a smile and a hug. Enjolras walks in silence to Grantaire’s flat, seemingly brooding. Grantaire lets them both in, kicking off his shoes.  
“What the problem?” He asks carefully, slipping off his coat and holding out his hands in offering for Enjolras.  
“Nothing… Well there’s no problem exactly.” Enjolras doesn’t take his coat off, instead fiddling with the zip.  
“There’s nothing wrong with the baby?”  
“No! Nothing different. I just… My clothes aren’t fitting anymore.” Enjolras admits. “Which I know is what’s supposed to happen but it’s just freaked me out a little because people are going to start noticing! And I don’t know if I’m ready…” He sounds panicked, and Grantaire steps forward to hug him tightly.  
“Hey. It’s okay, it’s okay… No one has to know until you’re ready.”  
“I know but it took me forever today to actually find a pair of trousers that fit and I got so worked up about it-“  
“Are you having doubts?”  
“I don’t know…” Enjolras admits. Grantaire exhales, pulling away a little.  
“Let’s go sit down.” He suggests as he removes Enjolras’s coat for him and takes him through to the lounge. Enjolras sits curled protectively in on himself, but leans into Grantaire once he sits down, facing into his neck. “I know I’ve told you before but if this is going to be too hard for you-“  
“No I want to do it. I want this baby I just…”  
“Don’t always want to be carrying it?”  
“Yeah.” Grantaire rubs Enjolras’s arm gently, trailing his fingers along the fabric.  
“How about tomorrow we go shopping and get you some clothes, men’s clothes just slightly bigger than you’re used to. Then you can hide any bump and you’ll be more comfortable.”  
“I know… It was just the more I thought about it tonight the more stupid I felt because there’s nothing actually there, not really visibly but I know and I feel like everyone else can see it too. Like some beacon.” Enjolras sighs. “Maybe clothes will help…”  
“It’s worth a shot at least, and then you’ll be prepared. If you want you can borrow some of mine I mean I’m bigger than you.”  
“That’ll definitely be suspicious.” Enjolras looks up at him with a small smile. “But for tomorrow, could I?”  
“Of course. I’ll try and find something not too paint spattered or novelty.” Enjolras laughs quietly, lying against him for a while.  
“Tonight was actually really fun.”  
“Yeah? Didn’t want to throw up too much?”  
“When I got in I wasn’t sure what to do, I think Combeferre may have actually caught me… But your ginger drink was surprisingly helpful and balanced with rice and bread I didn’t do too badly nausea wise. I am looking forward to that ending.” He gently pokes at his stomach as if telling it off.  
“May I uh…” Grantaire isn’t sure how to phrase the question. Enjolras glances up at him.  
“See?”  
“Mmm.”  
“There’s really nothing.” Enjolras tells him as he stands, lifting his shirt just enough that his stomach is exposed. “See, it was a stupid freak out.”  
“There’s no such thing.” Grantaire tells him. Enjolras is mostly right, his stomach remains pretty much flat, bar a small burgeoning bump below his bellybutton. Grantaire cautiously reaches out a hand, Enjolras’s skin is smooth beneath his rough fingers. “I’m just so amazed that you can actually do this.”  
“A few of the guys on the group said it helped them like their body for the first time, because they could do something other men couldn’t. I think that’s a nice way of looking at things and I’m trying to focus on that.”  
“Well… I for one think it’s incredible.” Grantaire tells him as he pulls away. Enjolras’s smile breaks into a yawn. “You want to sleep?”  
“It being 4am and me feeling a little like a need new batteries I think that’s a good idea.” Grantaire pushes himself up.  
“I’ll find you a T-Shirt, you can have the bed.”  
“I’m not going to deprive you of your bed. We can share.”  
“You sure, after what happened last time?” Grantaire teases.  
“Well it can’t happen again. And I honestly just want to sleep.”  
“Come on then, I’ll find a spare toothbrush too.” 

~~~

Grantaire wakes up in the morning with Enjolras curled up tightly next to him. He hand covers his stomach, which has become exposed as the T-Shirt has ridden up. Grantaire watches him and tries not to dwell on wanting this too much.  
He pushes himself out of bed and into the shower, in an attempt to wash away any thoughts of waking up every morning with Enjolras beside him. It doesn’t work, and then he gets soap in his eyes and officially calls a bust on the shower.  
Enjolras wakes up nearer noon, staggering into the kitchen bleary eyed.  
“You’re taunting me with coffee.” He mumbles, perching on a bar stool.  
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what you’d fancy for breakfast so I made toast, there’s cereal too.”  
“I actually really want… A crisp sandwich.” Enjolras leans his head on one hand.  
“For breakfast?”  
“It’s almost lunch.” Enjolras reasons.  
“Alright.” Grantaire smiles in amusement. “I’ll dig out some plain crisps.”  
“Too right.”  
“Other than extremely starchy sandwiches are you actually getting any other cravings?” Enjolras mulls it over, frowning.  
“Crunchy fruit, anything tomato-y and… I woke up the other day with such a craving for sushi that I took Courfeyrac to get some instead of coffee for our meeting.” He smiles. “To be honest I’ve gone off as many foods as I’ve craved. Red meat at the moment is a big one. Oh god and bananas, which is really unfortunate because they’re ‘Ferre’s favourite snack food. It’s just so weird, it must mean something but hell if I know.”  
Grantaire laughs, passing across the sandwich and left over crisps, of which he steals one. Enjolras raises an eyebrow at him.  
“I made it…” Grantaire reasons.  
“You’re also the reason I’m in this situation. Those crisps are mine.” 

 

It’s a surprisingly relaxed afternoon. Enjolras looks a lot more comfortable than he did last night, with one of Grantaire’s shirts on, which makes them look so painfully like a couple he can’t help but laugh. They scout the cheaper shops first, grabbing a few shirts and bulky jumpers, things to layer. Enjolras chats idly as he selects things.  
“This is a bit like when I first started shopping for men’s clothes, I had no idea what I’d need or anything. I basically went for whatever would hide my shape best. It’s almost a shame I got rid of it all, it would have been useful now.” He holds up a shirt, to which Grantaire nods in agreement. “Mum had always made me into such a girly girl, old pictures are just so…” He wrinkles his nose, sighing. “I didn’t really realise you could be Trans until I came to uni, I did know. I knew how much I hated my body, and what it did but I think I always wrote it off. Then when I left home I started buying a few different bits, bits I’d never have dared to wear at home. I had loose t-shirts and jeans and just tried to cover everything. Then I met Combeferre and she taught me that this was something other people went through. It’s was quite the revelation. We just stayed up chatting after this social I think it was and I remember telling her I’d swap bodies if I could and she just smiled and told me we’d both get there.” A wry smile. “Then of course she introduced me to Courfeyrac who took a great dislike to my wardrobe. And he took me out shopping, properly. And I just remember he told me that every man needs a proper suit, and so we got one. Nothing fancy, and the blazer was still probably a bit loose but it started making me feel comfortable. I still wanted to change my body but I could start presenting as the gender I chose, and dress in the way I wanted. It took a hell of a long time, but you know I was confident enough to start the group and well you know the rest of that…” Enjolras glances up. “You probably aren’t really interested…”  
“No, of course I am. It’s important to you. Finding part of your identity, especially such a major part is such a big step. I know it was for me.”  
“How did you realise? That you were bi I mean.”  
“Well I think one day I realised straight didn’t really describe me. But after that came a lot of well… Soul searching I guess. It took a long time to be comfortable enough to ask a guy out. Even though I knew that’s what I wanted I guess I’d internalised a lot. And well, then all the shit with my parents happened. And then I met Jehan. And they were so comfortable and confident in who they were. And they knew exactly… Well how they wanted to do it I guess. And that really helped, with everything really, seeing someone so willing to stick up for themselves and say I don’t care if I dress ‘feminine’ sometimes I am a man, and you can’t take that away from me.”  
They pay and eventually venture into a baby shop, at which Enjolras shoots him a look.  
“What are looking in here for? You’re not planning things already are you?”  
“I’m not getting ahead of myself no. I just thought maybe we’d see if we could find a bump-band.”  
“A what?” Enjolras chuckles.  
“Hey, I do research too. It just might let you wear all your trousers a bit longer.” Enjolras frowns.  
“Really?”  
“To be fair I think it just covers the fact that your fly’s undone but…”  
“I guess it’s better than nothing.” Enjolras agrees. “I hadn’t really started looking at anything that was actually ‘maternity’. Actually that’s a lie but everything was so girly it just kind of… Freaked out a little and gave up. But I’m feeling a lot better about everything today and not so overwhelmed.”  
Neither of them actually have any idea where to start, and have wandered into the bottles aisle as they’ve been talking.  
“Well at least we know where they are for future reference?” Grantaire tries.  
“Do you know where the entrance is in this place?”  
“Point taken…”  
“Hi! Can I help you guys at all?” The sales assistant sneaks up on them, causing them both to nearly crash into each other.  
“We were looking for the maternity clothes section?” Grantaire is the first to recover from the shock. The assistant frowns.  
“Are you looking for a friend?”  
“No.” Enjolras tells her before Grantaire replies. “They’re… For me.”  
“Oh you’re-“  
“A guy.” The girl opens her mouth in a ‘but’. “We’ll find them ourselves.” He heads off down the aisle at quite a rate, leaving Grantaire to catch up. “That was stupid.”  
“You told the truth.”  
“Still.” Enjolras pushes a hand through his hair, looking down the alley way they’ve just reached. Another lady approaches carefully.  
“You’re the two lads Sara was talking to? She asked me to check on the uh- Well do you need any help?”  
“Do you have a bathroom?” Enjolras asks.  
“At the back over there.” She smiles, and Enjolras hurries off.  
“Uh, we also wondered if there were any bump bands..? I really need to…” Grantaire gestures.  
“I’ll have a check for you.”  
Grantaire follows as quickly as possible, though he takes a rather longer route than intended.  
“Enjolras?”  
“At the end.” Enjolras emerges from the cubicle. “Just a false alarm.”  
“You sure?”  
“I just came over a bit funny. And I didn’t fancy throwing up over your shoes.” He adds as he moves across to the sink to splash his face with water.  
“The lady said she’d find the stuff for us.” Grantaire tells him, rubbing his shoulders gently.  
“You mean she didn’t freak out and probably call me something highly derogatory?”  
“No she seems quite nice, from the three seconds I’ve spoken to her for.” Enjolras sighs, twisting his ponytail.  
“Alright.”  
They find her just outside, carrying a small shopping basket.  
“I know you didn’t ask but I thought I’d show you a couple of pairs of jeans too, we have a couple of slightly more androgynous styles that I thought you’d prefer.”  
“Oh…” Enjolras looks a little shell shocked.  
“I’m the first to admit our tops are a little clingy but…” She ushers them to a seat. “We have these two styles, if you were thinking about purchasing anything like this?” She pulls out a pair of loose cut jeans. “I know you’re not very far along-“  
“No that helps.” Enjolras tells her, studying the two pairs. “Everything else I’ve seen has been so feminine.”  
“People always tell us not everyone woman is girly you know- I mean, that is…”  
“I know what you mean.” Enjolras gives her a smile. “Thank you.”  
“Well I’m happy to help, if you come in and need anything else ask for Melissa.” She shoots them a smile as she leaves.  
They end up leaving with a pair each of the jeans, alongside the bump bands, because Enjolras wants to avoid clothes shopping for as long as possible.  
“You’ll just have to hope they fit you.” Grantaire teases.  
“Why? Were you a big baby?” He pauses. “Actually don’t tell me that…” Grantaire chuckles.  
“I was perfectly normal.”  
“Thank God, I was about to rethink this whole thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a lovely festive season, and a Happy New Year!
> 
> http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/is-it-safe-to-eat-sushi-during-pregnancy.aspx?CategoryID=54&SubCategoryID=216


	5. 13-16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you excited?” Enjolras asks Grantaire in the hospital waiting room.  
> “To actually see our baby? Of course I am, it’s amazing.”  
> “You’re like a little kid.” Enjolras’s smile is fond.  
> “But well… I guess until now it’s all been weirdly hypothetical like I know what’s happening but it doesn’t quite seem real yet. But now we’re actually going to see them.”  
> “I know… I’m actually pretty excited by it too.” His rests a gentle hand on his stomach. “And, well I guess it’s one step closer to being able to tell everyone.”  
> “Yeah?”  
> “Well, I’ve been putting it off a bit but I was waiting for this and meeting the midwife again before we did. Just to check everything’s okay. But if we leave it too much longer then… Well someone might find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some referenced transphobia and gender dysphoria

Enjolras wears one of his new shirts to the next meeting, it’s a too big still, but Grantaire supposes that means it’s doing its job. Courfeyrac, however, does not approve.  
“Honestly, this is why I tell you to never go shopping without me. See ‘Ferre, the man does not know how to dress.” Combeferre just raises her hand in acknowledgement.  
“I’m sorry Courf, I just liked the shirt.”  
“Well I suppose we can do something with it.” He moves to tuck it a little, Enjolras flinches back, then looks almost surprised at himself. “Sorry-“  
“No I’m just feeling a little… Off today. Body wise.”  
“Oh no that’s fine I understand. I shouldn’t have.” Enjolras smiles and touches Courfeyrac’s arm.  
“I might let you do something with it at some point.”  
“I’m still not happy at you for buying it. It’s not most flattering.”  
“Oh I have a lot of photos of you in ‘not most flattering’ things.” Enjolras grins. Courfeyrac pauses.  
“No, you wouldn’t.” Enjolras’s grin only widens. “That’s unfair.”  
“What exactly are these pictures?” Jehan asks, sidling up next to their boyfriend with a grin to match Enjolras’s.  
“A few compromising positions, that dreadful hair-“  
“Don’t!”  
“Well now we have to see.” Bossuet leans over the table.  
“It’s true Courf, that’s the laws of friendship.” Combeferre chimes in. “All embarrassing photos are forfeit to scrutiny and occasional mockery.” Courfeyrac shoots her a look of ‘not you too’. Enjolras has already gotten out his phone, scrolling through his photos.  
“Uhh.. Oh here!” He holds it out to the little group forming around him.  
“Wow Courfeyrac! With that hair you would have beaten Bahorel hands down in the costume contest.” Courfeyrac folds his arms, grumbling to himself.  
“I think there’s another one…”  
“The hot pants are… Quite something.” Joly nods.  
“It was a costume party!”  
“They’re velveteen…”  
“Well I found them in a charity shop…”  
“Don’t listen to them honey.” Jehan grins, draping their arm around their boyfriend. “Your legs look stunning.”  
“Really?”  
“Oh yeah, the pink really brings out your skin tone.” Courfeyrac mutters for him to shut up, and Jehan ruffles his dark hair, kissing his cheek.  
“You all have ones that are just as embarrassing.”  
“We don’t let our friends keep them.” Bahorel points out.  
“Feuilly doesn’t have any of you?”  
“Now that’s a different question, but they’re nice to me.” Bahorel grins, pulling Feuilly in with one arm.  
“I bet.” Courfeyrac mutters. “Still, it’s not fair to pick on me.”  
“Well I have a lot of other photos of everyone drunk…” Enjolras shrugs. All that follows is a flurry of no’s and other protests. 

~~~

“Are you excited?” Enjolras asks Grantaire in the hospital waiting room.  
“To actually see our baby? Of course I am, it’s amazing.”  
“You’re like a little kid.” Enjolras’s smile is fond.  
“But well… I guess until now it’s all been weirdly hypothetical like I know what’s happening but it doesn’t quite seem real yet. But now we’re actually going to see them.”  
“I know… I’m actually pretty excited by it too.” His rests a gentle hand on his stomach. “And, well I guess it’s one step closer to being able to tell everyone.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Well, I’ve been putting it off a bit but I was waiting for this and meeting the midwife again before we did. Just to check everything’s okay. But if we leave it too much longer then… Well someone might find out. Like I thought Courfeyrac was going to.”  
“You know he’s going to complain he didn’t find out sooner.” Enjolras laughs. “Anything new this week?”  
“Well prawn cocktail crisps are really lovely when I think about them but are making me feel quite ill if I eat them. Also my sense of smell is through the roof. A colleague’s perfume made me feel nauseous the other day from a few chairs down. Still I’m defiantly not actually throwing up as much now.”  
“That’s a bonus.”  
“Miss Enjolras?” A nurse pokes her head around the door. Enjolras sighs quietly and pushes himself up. “Right this way ma’am.” The nurse smiles brightly.  
“It’s actually sir.” He tells her as the get to the door. “But I can see how that would probably be an easy mistake to make.”  
“You’re booked for a dating scan?”  
“Yes.”  
“But you-“ She seems a little lost even as they follow her.  
“Yes, as you will soon find out I am a pregnant male. It’s not impossible.”  
“Um, well if you want to hop up here for me then I’ll get started.” Enjolras sits himself down a lies back, pulling up his t-shirt to expose his stomach. “If you could pull your jeans down a little.” She still looks freaked out. “Now the jelly will be cold.” Enjolras does jump as she applies it, glancing across to Grantaire.  
“It feels really weird…” He tells him as she smooths it with the wand.  
“Alright… Here we go. You can see your uterus here and, well there’s your baby.” She points to the screen, not entirely sure what to do with the situation but she maintains some professionality. “It’s lying in quite a good position, you can see the profile.”  
“Oh…” Enjolras breathes shakily. “Look at that.”  
“Don’t cry on me.” Grantaire tells him teasingly, though he can’t stop staring either.  
“I’m allowed, I’m hormonal.”  
“That’s a hand there, and…” She moves the probe a little. “There’s the feet.” Grantaire moves a little closer, still slightly caught up in it all. “Judging by the size of the baby I’d put you at nearly 14 weeks.”  
“And there’s nothing wrong?” Enjolras asks.  
“Nothing obvious, I just need to do some routine checks for Down’s and a couple of other possible syndromes which I’m sure your midwife told you about.” Enjolras nods, and she continues, carefully studying the screen as she moves the probe around. Grantaire’s holding Enjolras’s hand by this point, as they both watch the baby wriggle around. “I think you have a very healthy baby.” She tells them eventually. “Of course we’ll do another scan at around 20 weeks.” She explains, beginning to wipe the gel off Enjolras’s stomach, Enjolras looks almost disappointed. “And I can tell you a due date.” She turns to the notes. “I put it as the 13th of May, which is about in line with your midwife’s thoughts.”  
“May? It seems so far away.”  
“Believe me it will fly by. Would you like the pictures? There is a small charge.”  
“No, we’d love them.” Enjolras tells her hurriedly.  
They sort everything out, then Enjolras quickly dashes off.  
“It’s just cruel making you have a full bladder.” He mutters on his return, Grantaire’s gotten them both drinks in the café just outside. “Pregnancy alone makes it bad enough.”  
“But we got to see our baby.” Grantaire points out.  
“True… I couldn’t quite believe it.”  
“I know, it’s like a proper little person already.” Grantaire holds the set of pictures tightly. “I mean that’s our baby, we created that. I still honestly can’t believe this is happening.” He feels a little dizzy at the thought.  
“Don’t freak out on me.”  
“I’m not. Not properly. It’s just suddenly so real.”  
“I know… In May we’ll have a whole little baby to look after.”  
“We’ll have to start thinking practically.”  
“We have time.” Enjolras picks up his drink, looking a little less calm than before. “For now let’s just…”  
“Marvel?”  
“Yeah. It was such an amazing experience, seeing them move and knowing that’s inside me. Though the nurse misgendering me and being so… Off did mar it a little.”  
“I know, but we’ve got to try not to focus on that. Focus on what we just saw, we have a healthy little peanut.”  
“Peanut?” Enjolras pauses, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve called them peanut?”  
“Well it just seemed more personal than just it or them… It’s is our baby after all…”  
“Peanut.” Enjolras chuckles. “Okay… I might be able to live with that.”  
“Well once you tell everyone I’m sure we’ll have a raft of suggestions.”

~~~

Peanut sticks surprisingly well, Enjolras calls him midweek to tell him ‘Peanut made me call in sick.’ Grantaire ends up making his way over, armed with his current canvas and paints.  
“You’re lucky it’s my day off.” He tells Enjolras upon his arrival.  
“Well I pick my days for splitting headaches wisely. Enjolras shrugs, then winces. “Talking isn’t good…”  
“Is it really bad?” Grantaire sets his things down as Enjolras makes his way back to the sofa, where he’s created a little nest.  
“It’s not a migraine or anything. Just certainly enough to prevent me working. I just wanted some company...”  
“Well, as long as you don’t mind me working while I’m here.” Grantaire’s set himself up cross legged on the wooden floor, his old painting plate next to him.  
“Hopefully not, unless someone takes offence.” He gestures to his stomach.  
They settle into silence, Enjolras napping for a short while as Grantaire paints, then eventually gives up and gets out his sketchbook to draw him. It’s only a quick sketch, a break from work, but Enjolras gives his approval later when he sees it.  
“If you’re too ill to go to work you’re too ill to be on your laptop.” Grantaire mimic’s his mother’s tone. Enjolras glances at him over the top of the screen, still typing.  
“The sleep helped, apparently nights aren’t for sleeping any more but midday well…”  
“What’re you doing?” He asks, adding a touch of shading to the painting.  
“Promise not to laugh or anything…” Enjolras says after a moment’s consideration.  
“Would I?”  
“I don’t know, you’re always willing in meetings.” Enjolras tells him dryly as Grantaire moves to sit next to him. “I’ve been writing a blog about it all. Someone said they’d done something similar so basically since the beginning I’ve been talking about how I’ve felt and how things are going… Symptoms, any changes… How the baby’s developing. Like this week Peanut is about the size of a lemon.” He gestures with his hands, smiling. “But they can already frown and maybe even suck their thumb. And they have fingerprints! Already. I’m sorry.” He looks a little embarrassed. “I just think it’s really cool…”  
“No it is.” Grantaire smiles, gently laying a hand on Enjolras’s stomach.  
“I also uh…” Enjolras laughs quietly. “When I started to realise I was changing shape I took a couple of pictures of my bump. It’s really funny because it’s so tiny, but it feels like so much more! I mean it’s barely visible on the pictures, maybe a slightly different shape but… I’m not actually going to post them anywhere but I thought they’d be nice to have…” He pulls one up, it’s only simple, Enjolras’s shirt pulled up to reveal his stomach. The bump is slight, resting just above his hips. “I mean no one else is going to notice that.”  
“Could I draw them?” Grantaire asks in return. “The bump photos?”  
“Do you make a habit of randomly drawing things?”  
“Why do you think I come to meetings?”  
“Thanks…”  
“No, but I’m serious. Could I draw the series?”  
“Well, I guess so…” Enjolras looks a little confused by the prospect. “I don’t see why.”  
“Like you said, it’d be nice to have something and this way we can make it more us I guess…”  
Enjolras smiles.  
“I actually quite like that.” Grantaire’s brainstorming.  
“I could create um… Well like a collage maybe. With all the various bits and bobs.”  
“This sounds ambitious.” Enjolras takes his hands. “Why don’t we just start with the bump?”  
“Now?”  
“Well, you’re here. I haven’t taken one for week 14 yet…”  
“If you can stand for that long, it’ll only be a rough sketch.” Grantaire has a bit of a plan to put into action.  
“I need to stretch my legs. And I’m curious.” Enjolras shrugs, setting his laptop to one side. Grantaire grabs his sketchbook and settles back down. “Do you want me to stand anywhere or..?” He looks a little daunted.  
“Just as you were in the last couple.” Enjolras stands in front of him, lifting his t-shirt to his chest.  
“It’s actually made me realise I was just freaking out over nothing, at Halloween I think maybe I was just bloated and then, well I’ve not really actually gained any weight.”  
“You were quite ill in the beginning.”  
“I’m sure that’s what Lydia will tell me. Still, it’s nice to have everything in and ready. And to actually still be able to fit most of my jeans. Oh that reminds me, Lydia booked us in for next Wednesday, if that’s alright? I was pretty sure it’s your day off.”  
“Well remembered.” Grantaire smiles as he sketches. Enjolras runs a careful hand over his stomach.  
“I think if pregnancy wasn’t seen as so feminine I wouldn’t mind it so much.” Grantaire hurries to get the basic shape of the moment down, the soft look in Enjolras’s eyes, the protective hand. “There’s a little person moving around inside me, and I know I can’t feel them yet but just knowing…”  
“That’s understandable. I can’t wait until, well the baby starts kicking.” Grantaire admits, starting Enjolras’s face first.  
“No?”  
“Well to be able to feel what you’re feeling, and well yeah, know they’re actually there…”  
“You know… I never really took you to be so fatherly.” Enjolras tells him. “I know that’s probably unfair because you’re a wonderful friend to everyone but… I don’t know I guess I never saw babies as something you’d have in your life plan. I was expecting you to…”  
“Not what anything to do with this?” Enjolras doesn’t reply. Grantaire lowers his sketchbook for a moment. “I’ll admit that when you first told me it was very tempting to… Run a mile. But, I knew I had to be strong for you at that point. I did have a little freak out when I got home but then I stopped and thought, and by the time we got to the doctors I ended up really warming to the idea. I hadn’t invested in it, because I didn’t know how you felt. But these last few weeks… The midwife, the scan, even just looking after you when you need me and going shopping… It’s made me really want this. And when I saw our baby on that screen, moving around, I could almost cry because it was incredible. I know I’m going to need to make some changes, and I’m already trying.” He goes back to sketching to hide his face a little. “I’m drinking less… I’m saving more. I’m actually planning…” He sighs, and when he glances up Enjolras is watching him closely. “I want so much to be a part of this… And I’m worried I’m going to manage to screw it up.” He confesses at last.  
Despite his determination there’s still that underlying current of self-degradation, a lack of self-confidence he can’t shake, no matter how hard he tries.  
Enjolras moves without him noticing, until he gently cups Grantaire’s cheek to lift his face.  
“You’re allowed to be scared. Every first time parent worries, but we can get through it together and make mistakes together and solve them together. You’re not going to screw up, you’re going to be a great father.”

~~~

“How are we both today?” Lydia asks as they enter her consulting room. “Feeling a little better now we’ve reached the second trimester?”  
“Mostly.” Enjolras nods as he sits down. “I’m still quite tired, but that’s mainly because my sleep patterns gotten a little out of sync. Mostly stopped vomiting but still nauseous on occasion, and sensitive to smell which goes well with that…”  
“No spotting? Pains?”  
“I’ve been getting a bit of a twinge in my side the last week…” Enjolras tells her. “I didn’t want to worry you over nothing.” He says as he turns to Grantaire. “It’s nothing much, just a little pull.”  
“Perfectly natural, it’s just your baby wiggling around a bit and causing your ligaments to pull.” Lydia tells them both as she tests the urine sample. “And we’re all clear here.” She settles back in her chair. “We also got back the results from your blood test last time, and the scans. It’s all pretty good news, your baby is low risk for Downs. You also came back clear for hepatitis and HIV, and for sickle cell and other inherited disorders. You are rhesus negative though, so we’ll need to give you a couple of injections later on in the pregnancy.” She explains a little more about the tests, Enjolras nodding along as she explains the scans and blood tests and what else they’ve shown.  
“You were a little low on your iron but you did mention you’d got yourself some supplements so I’ll do another check now. While I’ve got you here I’d also like to offer you the flu jab. It’s completely safe, it just means you’ll be protected because flu can lead to other complications. It just saves you coming back later basically.”  
“Well if you think it’s the best plan.”  
“Great. I’ll just take your blood pressure first, then I’ll move onto the other two.” Enjolras climbs onto the bed for the blood test, having felt slightly woozy after the last one.  
“Blood tests are my least favourite part.” He tells Grantaire as she preps the vaccine. “They may even beat morning sickness. Needles are fine, they don’t make me dizzy but bloods…”  
“If you want to stay up there a little longer I can see if we can find baby’s heartbeat.” Lydia offers once she’s done.  
“We can?”  
“No guarantees, it can be quite hard this early on, so don’t be worried if we can’t hear anything.” She warns as she returns with the device and some gel. Enjolras wriggles his shirt up. “A very neat little bump.”  
“I was a little worried about how little I’m actually showing, I swear it feels like more but I’ve put on hardly anything.”  
“That’s normal when you’ve had a bit of a hard time with morning sickness, or being put off your food in general. And everyone’s different, some people show before the second trimester, for most it’s just after the enter it. But I’ve had people who haven’t ‘popped’ until over 20 weeks.” She applies the gel and begins trying to position the probe. “Now…”  
It takes a little time, and a lot of swooshing, Grantaire barely breathing. Then a faint pulsing noise fades in.  
“Is that it?” He asks, stunned.  
“That’s your baby. With a good strong heartbeat.” Enjolras grins.  
“That’s fantastic. So everything’s fine?”  
“You’ll need to have another scan in a couple of weeks’ time, which should give us a much clearer idea.” Lydia says as she cleans off the gel. “Have you had any more thoughts on what kind of birth you’d prefer? Any rough ideas.”  
Enjolras tugs his shirt back down, looking slightly nervous.  
“I don’t know, I’ve been trying to figure out what would be best for the baby, what would make me more comfortable… I’ve been putting in a lot of research and I still really need to discuss it with Grantaire.”  
“What have you come up with so far?” Lydia prompts kindly. “We can create a proper birth plan next time, but any thoughts will be really helpful.”  
“Well, my main problem is that I don’t know how I’m going to feel leading up to the birth, and how comfortable I’ll be with the hospital and well I know I’m not guaranteed to get you if I go there and I’d rather have someone who understands my circumstances when… You’re… Mm. But I know a home birth carries more risk for the baby, and I don’t want to put them in any kind of danger just to make myself more comfortable…”  
“You’ve got to remember your mood could have an impact.” Grantaire chimes in. “Surely if you’re more relaxed it’ll be a bit easier?”  
“You are a low-risk pregnancy currently, there is about a 1% chance of complications with a home birth but the hospital is always there should you need it. I think you both need to have a sit down and discuss this in detail, with all the pros and cons and then we can go through it when I next see you at 25 weeks. I can give you a printed outline that you can take home and browse through.” She digs through one of the folders on her shelves. Other than that if you’re feeling alright I’ll see you in a few weeks and call if there’s any concerns in the meantime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone :D


	6. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He volunteers to get the drinks, leaving the small groups that the meeting’s broken up into for the time being. He’s surprised when Enjolras comes and leans on the bar beside him.  
> “I’m going to tell them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Referenced transphobia and homophobia at the end

Grantaire adds a small heart rate symbol to the drawings he’s working on, between the partially filled week 16 box and the still empty week 17.  
He almost wishes he hadn’t told Enjolras about his idea, it’s now developed into an idea for a surprise at the end of the pregnancy. He has boxes for the next few weeks laid out in pencil, so he can rearrange as needs be. A couple will be slightly bigger than the others, like week 14 with Enjolras’s loving stance. It starts at week 8, though he’ll admit the first few portraits are completely made up. The first box is overlaid with a pregnancy test, the little + highlighted in blue. From there it continues, boxes that he’s gradually catching up on, overlaid with occasional extras. The baby scan is there, between 13 and 14 weeks, he’s added Enjolras’s Halloween costume for 12 weeks, the crisp sandwich. He’s looked up and put the size comparison in the corner of each drawing. He adds a rough figure to week 17 to make sure he has enough room before he joins the two boxes with the heart rate. He’ll highlight it in red later, the plan is to have a grey scale with occasional pops of colour, but he’s also making it up as he goes and it’ll probably change by next week. For the moment he sits back, contented with his work. 

He’s still trying to rub graphite off the edges of his fingers when he arrives to the meeting, a silvery sheen on his fingertips. He settles in his usual place between Jehan and Feuilly, chatting to the pair of them before the meeting actually starts.  
He decides to sketch Feuilly this evening, who’s giving an avid discussion on intersexuality that Bahorel’s translating for him. Being both deaf and intersex had left Feuilly rather stranded after their parents died, travelling from foster home to foster home.  
‘The worst part is I don’t even know if my parents wanted me.’ They confessed to Grantaire one day. ‘I was so young when I ended up in care that I can’t even remember them, and sometimes it just feels like…’ They sigh, looking away slightly. ‘I don’t know, maybe the home just told me something to make me feel better. It’s stupid.’  
He knows Feuilly’s improved, even in the short time they’ve known each other.  
“They’ve been so much happier since we found the group.” Bahorel once told him, it was only about six months into their friendship. “I think it’s just having people they can talk to that understand. It’s all well and good me being there but I’ve never had that kind of trouble… It’s just making them a lot more relaxed at home.”  
They call a break about an hour in, once Feuilly’s finished their bit and the discussion eventually ends. Grantaire always finds the discussions interesting, listening to stories and thoughts. He rarely joins in himself, it’s not really his place, but he’s happy to observe.  
He volunteers to get the drinks, leaving the small groups that the meeting’s broken up into for the time being. He’s surprised when Enjolras comes and leans on the bar beside him.  
“I’m going to tell them.”  
“What, now?” Grantaire turns to look at him. Enjolras is chewing his lip.  
“I want them to know. And now we know everything’s going okay it feels right… Scary, but right…”  
“If you’re ready.”  
“I’m not launching this on you?” Grantaire smiles.  
“Enjolras I’ve been itching to tell people for weeks. Though I admit it’s been quite fun having it as our little secret.”  
“Mmm…” Enjolras nods with a slight smile. “You’re right. I have enjoyed them.”  
“But then… I also can’t wait to see their reactions.”  
“Courfeyrac will scream…”  
“I’d bet a tenner on Bahorel crying…”  
“I feel like we probably should have planned for all this a bit better, done something fancy… But then I didn’t exactly tell you in any fancy way, and I’m not going to post it all everywhere so maybe this is right.”  
“It’ll be special, they’re our friends.” Enjolras smiles up at him as Grantaire finishes off his order.  
“You’re right.”  
“Well, are you ready then?”  
“As I’ll ever be.”  
There’s a moment of silence as they enter the room. Grantaire places the tray down and raises an eyebrow.  
“You all look like naughty school children. What have you done?”  
“We were betting.” Bahorel pipes up eventually. “That you and Enjolras were sneaking off to have sex.”  
“How mature…”  
“Sorry to disappoint you.” Enjolras leans on the back of his chair cool-y. “But Grantaire and I haven’t slept together in quite a long time.” There’s a few mumbles, Courfeyrac looks shocked at being forced to hand over money to his partner, who seems to be raking in most of the winnings.  
“Jehan cheated because I told them when it happened.”  
“Shh.” Jehan places a finger to their lips. “It was whether you still were, I won fair and square.”  
“I think Enjolras and I rather deserve those winnings.” Grantaire tells them as he hands out the rest of the glasses.  
“Well, however vulgar it does bring me to our next point of discussion rather well.” Enjolras stands up properly, like he does in the normal meetings. He looks much more in control. “Grantaire and I have some news.” There’s a crowd of expectant, slightly confused faces. Enjolras takes a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”  
There’s a stunned silence, broken, as expected, but Courfeyrac’s screech of ‘What?!’ Another moment of processing, then a barrage of questions all at once.  
“Are you sure?” Combeferre asks.  
“How far along are you?” Chetta calls.  
“Have you had a scan?” That’s Joly beside her. Jehan overlaps rapidly with a “How long have you known?” Feuilly, near the back, gestures to Enjolras, lifting their hand away from their stomach. ‘Pregnant.’ Grantaire nods and receives a wide, excited grin in return.  
Enjolras lifts up his hands, chuckling quietly.  
“Calm down, calm down. I’m not that far along, I’m just at the beginning of my 17th week. But,” He adds at Courfeyrac’s expression. “I didn’t even find out until I was past two months already. So everything’s just been a little pushed back, and we were waiting to have the ultrasound and see the midwife to check things were okay before we had any big announcements. We met with the midwife this week and she seems pretty sure things are going along nicely, so the time was right.”  
“This explains so many things!” Chetta gets there first as everyone begins getting up to congratulate them. “I was worried you were just going off my cooking.” Enjolras laughs as she gives him a firm kiss on the cheek.  
“No fear of that, just someone decided to take offence to the smell…” Enjolras gestures to his stomach.  
“I was wondering why you were taking time off work.” Combeferre says as she comes up to hug him tightly. “Nothing usually keeps you away from it.”  
“You wouldn’t believe how rough I felt, even most of the days I went in…”  
“You’re feeling better now though?”  
“Getting there.”  
“I guess this explains why you’ve been so jumpy too.” Courfeyrac slings and arm around Enjolras. “And your appallingly ill-fitting shirts.  
“I was so convinced you were going to find out…”  
“So you just threw me under the bus instead with all the photos?”  
Jehan gives Enjolras a ‘congratulations’ and a kiss on the cheek before turning to Grantaire and punching him on the arm.  
“You knew! All this time and you didn’t tell me!”  
“Hey- That’s not fair-“ Grantaire jumps away. Jehan bursts out laughing, pulling him into a close hug.  
“I’m so happy for you. Arsehole.”  
“Thanks…” Grantaire laughs.  
“Did you bring the ultrasound picture?” Cosette asks.  
“Oh yeah, it’s in my bag…” Enjolras digs around a bit, free of the celebrations for a moment. “Here. See just… There. You can see the profile.”  
“Oh look at it!” Cosette squeals.  
“You know I was sure they’d be the first.” Joly tells zir boyfriend as Marius and Cosette coo. A little crowd forms around them as people try and get a better view and the photo gets passed around.  
“You were right.” Enjolras leans back against Grantaire, happy to observe. “This is special.”  
“Give it here!” Bahorel calls, stuck behind a table. Bossuet teases him with it for a moment before handing it over so he and Feuilly can get a better look. “I’m gonna be an uncle!” Bahorel, as expected, does cry as he yells, Feuilly patting him on the back with an amused look.  
“You can all be honorary aunts, uncles, or whatever you choose.” Grantaire tells them with a smile.  
“We were half right then, with our bet.” Bahorel places the photo back on the table. “I’m just guess Enjolras hasn’t been up for anything quite like that…”  
“Oh.” Enjolras steps forward again, out of Grantaire’s touch. “We’re not together.”  
“You’re not?” Bossuet asks, voicing the collective frown.  
“We never were.” Grantaire continues. “It was just a one night thing.”  
“I was having a bad time with all the stuff going on with my grandfather, and Grantaire understood… We just spent the night chatting and we slept together but we were just both a little over emotional.”  
“And we’d been drinking.” Grantaire adds.  
“Thank you. But it was just one time, we’re just doing all this platonically.”  
“Well, that showed us.”  
‘I think it’s still great.’ Feuilly signs to Grantaire. ‘For a child to be so loved already, whatever the circumstances.’ Grantaire signs a thank you. ‘And I want to be Untie Feuilly.’  
“Untie… I like that actually.” Grantaire ponders aloud. “Aunts, uncles and unties. How do you all feel about it?”  
“I think we need to celebrate.” Joly grins.  
“And we need a photo!” Jehan adds.  
“And you need to tell us literally everything.” Musichetta finishes as they all get into a large bundle.  
“Bahorel you have the longest arms.” Jehan passes their phone across. “See if you can get everyone in.”  
“Uh… Maybe bend a little so I can fit more than the top of Marius’s head in…”  
“Is this a fun or just cheesy photo?” Bossuet calls from the back.  
“Let’s do both.”  
“Smile first.”  
After quite a few minutes of attempts, smiles, laughs, coming up with various ways to gesture to Enjolras’s stomach, etc. they decided someone needs to hold a sign, and that there really should be champagne or something. So Joly and Bossuet disappear into the main pub while Jehan and Feuilly get started on a sign. Enjolras sits rather heavily in a chair, looking a little exhausted, but he’s smiling.  
“So apart from being sick, any other symptoms?” Combeferre asks, leaning on the table.  
“A little tired, my sleeping’s been all over the place. Not got any sore back yet so that’s a bonus. I’ve had a couple of headaches…”  
“What about the bump?” Cosette asks excitedly.  
“There’s really not much there. Which the nurse said was normal. The baby’s still only really tiny. We got to hear their heartbeat on Wednesday though!”  
“Oh I bet that was amazing.” Grantaire leaves them to it, heading for the pair hunched over the sign.  
“I can’t believe two of us are going to be parents.” Jehan hasn’t stopped smiling yet.  
“To be honest, me neither.” Grantaire admits. “Especially with Enjolras…”  
“Well he seems very happy with it all.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Oh come on, did you see how content he was, just leaning on you a few minutes ago. He’s getting really comfortable, I think it’s lovely. Just make sure you both want the same.”  
“We do. We agreed. Besides which even before this whole thing happened we’d agreed to be just friends, closer friends but friends nonetheless.”  
Joly and Bossuet return just then, interrupting both their conversation and the other groups.  
“We bring champagne! Or at least prosecco.” Bossuet announces.  
“Also grape juice and sticky labels.” Joly pokes zir head round his side.  
“Sticky labels?” Comes the enquiry.  
“So we can label ourselves, with all the roles. We thought it could be fun maybe.”  
“I like it, one big ABC family.” Enjolras smiles. So they set about writing up labels for themselves and each other, with Auntie Chetta, ‘Ferre and Cosette, Uncle Bahorel, Marius, Bossuet and Courfeyrac and Untie Joly and Feuilly. Jehan dithers between Uncle and Untie until they decide to just write both on there.  
“How does that feel?” Enjolras asks, gesturing to Grantaire’s new ‘Daddy R’ label that matches his own.  
“Surreal.”  
“Oh wait!” Cosette interrupts as they’re all getting in place. “We need a label for the bump.”  
“Uh, we’ve been calling them peanut…” Enjolras offers, Courfeyrac glances up from where he’s writing the new label.  
“You two are going to kill us all with cuteness aren’t you?”

~~~

Jehan’s already sent him the myriad of pictures they took on Friday evening, and there’s not one of them that can fail to make him smile.  
Enjolras asked him to print the best one, which led to about half an hour or so of sitting staring at his laptop as he scrolls between a slowly diminishing list of pictures.  
Some are easy to rule out. In one you can only see Marius’s eyes, in another Joly is looking in completely the wrong direction while Bossuet looks into the camera with a cheeky expression. A few others have too much of Bahorel’s arm in, sometimes cutting off heads. One is hilarious, every expression makes him laugh and he finds a new one each time. But eventually the one he settles on is one from when they made the signs, and then actually decided that using the timer would make more sense. It took a lot of precarious balancing and propping, but they got there.  
The shot faces slightly down, everyone’s grinning. The sign has fallen slightly out of the edge of the shot – something he’ll correct later when he draws the image on his collage, adding the sign as an overlay highlighted with a lilac – but it adds to the effect. His own arm, the one not trying to support the paper, is over Enjolras’s shoulders while Enjolras’s hands rest on his stomach. Bahorel has his arms raised, Chetta and Cosette have coordinated pointing, everyone else is mostly just smiling, occasional arms around each other. It makes him feel like he belongs, like this is a family.  
So he prints and frames it, then begins painstakingly adding the image to the collage. It’s bigger than the boxes, overlapping 4 of them. It means he has to rearrange a little, but he’s only just started adding the week 16 bump, so it’s not too hard to do.  
He takes the framed photo round to Enjolras toward the end of the week, after battling with extra shifts at work due to flu season finally hitting.  
Enjolras is looking a lot better at the moment, gaining what can only probably be described as the pregnancy ‘glow’. He grins as he lets Grantaire into the flat.  
“You finally made it. Guess what Jehan and Courfeyrac got us?”  
“What?”  
“A pregnancy journal.” He picks it up from the coffee table and holds it out. “I’ve been trying to back fill it with all the details, using bits from the blog.” Grantaire begins flicking through, there are sections in the book, from the first trimester to birth and baby firsts. Everything is neutral, decorated with trees and birds. It’s very Jehan. “I thought you might like to add some things in. There’s a section for about us, unfortunately it does say Mummy originally but they also provided some stickers to rectify any mistakes.” Enjolras smiles, holding out the pen he’s been using. “And if there’s anything you think I’ve missed out.”  
Grantaire sits down on the sofa, neatly filling in his basic details, but leaving out his parents’ names. Then he starts flicking through. There’s a finding out section, already half filled with Enjolras’s writing. He reads through with a smile, how Enjolras first felt, how he was scared, and then how he told Grantaire and all about their trip to the doctors and how he decided he wanted to do this. And then how determined he was, how excited for everything. Grantaire draws a small curving line underneath and adds his own thoughts, he jokingly adds how during the argument is probably not the way it’s usually announced, but that that’s how it works for them. He was scared too, but he needed to be strong. As he flicks through the weeks, starting just after they found out, he adds little things down the side. How much he’s grown to love them, how excited he felt at this point, or amazed at the other. Even the little mundane things, like holding back Enjolras’s hair and going shopping. He finds it surprisingly fun, and it gives him a better understanding of how the pair of them are feeling in parallel. It’s almost a disappointment to reach the current week 17  
“So,” He turns to Enjolras, who’s been sitting next to him to read over his shoulder. “What are your plans to fill this week?”  
“Well… I was thinking about telling my parents.”  
“Really?” Grantaire is slightly taken aback.  
“Our friends know now, I feel like it’s only fair.”  
“How do you think they’re going to take it?” Grantaire asks carefully. Enjolras sighs, leaning back into the sofa.  
“They’ll be absolutely delighted I’m embracing my femininity, and doing what my body was made for rather than poisoning it with nasty chemicals and trying to cut myself apart.”  
“That well.”  
“They’re still pretty much in denial. The only reason they use my name is because it’s our surname. They’d never think of using my actual legal name, because that’s not the one they gave me.” He rubs his face. “I just almost want to get it over with. But hey something good might come out of it, Grandad might put me back on the list now I’ve finally stopped being silly with this phase.” He mutters. Grantaire holds out an arm and Enjolras gratefully leans into his side, curling up.  
“Do you want me there?”  
“Of course.” Enjolras glances up at him with a frown. “You’re the father.”  
“But won’t it make it worse, the whole… Gay dads’ thing..?”  
“Oh no, the fact I’ve had sex with you, in a way that got me pregnant, will just prove I’m straight not some lesbian because that’s apparently the worst thing I can be. At least if I sleep with men, even if I am gay, in their eyes it just means I’m doing the proper thing a girl should do.” He wrinkles his nose.  
“Are you sure about this?” Grantaire fiddles with a lock of Enjolras’s hair. “You don’t have to.”  
“They’re going to be grandparents, they deserve to know.” There’s a short pause. “Aren’t you going to tell yours?” Grantaire snorts, chuckling bitterly.  
“They screwed up my life, I’m not going to let them screw our kids up too. I mean just think, not only is he bisexual but he had sex with another man who, oh yeah has the ability to carry his child. And they’re not even in a relationship. The scandal. I’m determined to be a better parent than mine ever were, and to do that they can’t be a part of this.” Enjolras reaches up to touch the hand on his shoulder, squeezing Grantaire’s fingers.  
“I understand.”  
“But I do respect your decision. And I’ll come with you.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Do we have a cover story or are we going for the truth. Just so we don’t mess everything up.”  
“They’ll probably assume we’re together anyway.” Enjolras admits. “They don’t get the idea of people being able to be just friends after a relationship or anything. Maybe it’ll just be easier if we… Pretend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just trying to cover you with squishy fluff before next week... :D


	7. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so Grantaire finds himself waiting outside a far too fancy restaurant with Enjolras clinging to his hand, nervously running his thumb along Grantaire’s skin which is making him far too aware of the entire situation.  
> “They’re always late.” Enjolras mutters. “They’ve been in town the whole day and they’re still late. This was probably just a massive mistake…”  
> “If you don’t want to we can just leave.”  
> “But they’re going to find out eventually.” Enjolras turns to face him. “It’s not something I can hide from them is it? You can’t hide a bump, much less a baby!” He’s panicking a little now, eyes wide as they search Grantaire’s face. Grantaire reaches out his free hand to touch his cheek.  
> “It’ll be alright. I’m here and I’m going to help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings of parental transphobia and vomiting

And so Grantaire finds himself waiting outside a far too fancy restaurant with Enjolras clinging to his hand, nervously running his thumb along Grantaire’s skin which is making him far too aware of the entire situation.  
“They’re always late.” Enjolras mutters. “They’ve been in town the whole day and they’re still late. This was probably just a massive mistake…”  
“If you don’t want to we can just leave.”  
“But they’re going to find out eventually.” Enjolras turns to face him. “It’s not something I can hide from them is it? You can’t hide a bump, much less a baby!” He’s panicking a little now, eyes wide as they search Grantaire’s face. Grantaire reaches out his free hand to touch his cheek.  
“It’ll be alright. I’m here and I’m going to help.” Enjolras sighs, looking down at his feet like they might hold the answers. “Whatever you need. If you want to leave just tell me and go, I’ll deal with them. If you feel ill, anxious, anything. You’re the priority.”  
“Oh sweetie! There you are.” A blonde lady comes hurrying over before Enjolras can reply, he pulls away quickly to face her. She’s striking, with dark eyes and Enjolras’s full lips. “I’m sorry darling, are we interrupting a moment. You’d just never believe the hassle of driving in the city.”  
“Well I live in it…”  
“Oh here comes your father now. Did you make the reservation? I hope they’re not too annoyed with our lateness.” The man who arrives is tall, observing Grantaire with piercing grey eyes. “Shall we?” Enjolras glances up at Grantaire with an already exhausted look as his mother leads them through and chats to the waiter. Before they know it they’re seated next to the window, the feeling rather more interview than family dinner.  
“It’s so nice to see you again darling.” Enjolras’s mother squeezes his hand. “And you’ve grown your hair back out again, it suits you better. Brings out your features.” She turns to her husband. “Don’t you think so?”  
“It’s nice to see you go for something a bit more feminine.”  
“That wasn’t what I was doing…”  
“Who’s your friend, you haven’t introduced us yet.”  
“Well, now I can get a word in edgeways.” Enjolras sighs quietly to himself. “This is Grantaire.”  
“It’s lovely to meet you.” He’s told as they all shake hands.  
“Grantaire comes to the meetings I run.”  
“Oh how lovely. What do you do?”  
“I work part time in a café-bar, but mostly I’m a free-lance artist.”  
“Oh. Well I’m sure that’s very rewarding. Was it Julie’s daughter who got that show recently in that gallery?” She asks her husband.  
“Yes, we’ll have to give you the address. I’m sure she’d love to chat to you.”  
“Thanks… I’ll keep an eye out.”  
“How long have you two been a thing then? You’ve not been mentioned.”  
“It’s not exactly a thing Mum. It’s a bit more complicated than that.”  
“Why honey? Is it the whole tom-boy thing?” Enjolras laughs bitterly, a high pitched little chuckle as the waiter comes over to take their wine order. “You’re very pretty darling, if you’d just accentuate that.”  
“I don’t give a damn how pretty I am mum.”  
“Grantaire you think so don’t you?”  
“I think Enjolras is very handsome as he is.” Grantaire tells her politely, leaving her to raise an eyebrow as the wine’s brought over. Enjolras politely declines.  
“But it’s your favourite.”  
“I’m not drinking tonight.” Enjolras informs her, firmly.  
“You’re awfully standoffish this evening. We’ve not see you since Easter.”  
“Well I’m sorry that haven’t wanted to come back when my own Grandfather’s disowned me. If I had you probably would have told me I was making a scene.”  
“Now that’s unfair. Your Grandfather’s just very set in his ways.”  
“I’m still his grandchild.”  
“You’re upsetting your mother. The whole situation’s been very hard on her.” Enjolras’s fathers’ voice holds a tone of warning.  
“Well it’s not exactly been all happy rainbows for me.” Enjolras sighs. “This was stupid, I should have known I couldn’t do this.”  
“Wait honey.” His mother pleads before he can stand. “We haven’t seen you, at least have dinner.” Enjolras sits back down heavily, rubbing his face with one hand.  
“Do you actually have any interest in what’s been happening with me?”  
“Of course we do. Tell us everything.” Enjolras weighs it up with a small ‘huh’.  
“Well let’s see… I finally started taking testosterone on Valentine’s Day because you know that’s what I wanted, and a doctor told me it was the right time. Then I did some charity work, and work with the group and actually wrote an article about being trans. Oh and then my cousin outed me to my Grandfather and he called me up and ranted at me for half an hour about how I was an abomination. Hmm… And then Grantaire was really nice to me about it all, and hey we slept together because he can actually accept me for what I am. So yeah. That brings you nearly up to date. I’m not on T at the moment though-“  
“Oh that’s good. You decided it wasn’t for you.”  
“No. No I’m going to go back on it but right now it would be bad for the baby. I’m pregnant you see.” The pair of them seem to have no reply for that so Enjolras continues. “Yes you heard that right. You’re going to be grandparents.”  
“With him..?”  
“Yes, with Grantaire.”  
“Then you’re deciding to actually accept that you’re-“ His father starts before Enjolras cuts across.  
“No. No. I’m a man, I know that deep inside me. Just because my body can carry a child, or that I’ve decided to keep that child doesn’t make me any less male. This isn’t changing anything.”  
“It’s changing everything darling.” His mother chimes back in. “How are you supporting yourself.”  
“I do work. And Grantaire’s going to help.”  
“It’s not a stable income. I’m just not sure you and your boyfriend have thought this through-“  
“He’s not actually my boyfriend.”  
“He’s not..?”  
“No, we’re just friends who slept together. And now we’re going to raise a baby.”  
“But darling you can’t be a single mother.”  
“I’m not Mum! I’m not either of those things. I have Grantaire, and the rest of the group. And besides it’s not like it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I’m keeping this baby, I just thought you might like to know.” He pushes his hair back. “If you’re not going to say anything good about this then I’m just going to leave, and you can call me when you actually make up your minds.” He pushes himself back from the table hurriedly, pulling on his coat as he leaves so he doesn’t have to listen to anything else.  
“Well.” Grantaire also pushes himself up. “It was lovely meeting you. I do hope we’ll see each other again.” The last part is a blatant lie, one he probably makes too obvious, but right now he’s trying to struggle out of the busy restaurant and find Enjolras.  
Enjolras has only just made it outside himself, standing by the door looking around him as if for a means of escape.  
“Enjolras-“ Grantaire comes up next to him, Enjolras looks up as if he’s about to say something.  
Then all at once he spins around and vomits on the pavement.  
Grantaire’s quickly holding his hair, running a hand along his back as Enjolras clutches his stomach, supporting himself a little against the wall.  
“I’m proud of you.” Grantaire tells him as Enjolras splutters and coughs. “And you’ve certainly made one hell of an exit.” Enjolras groans a little, resting his forehead against the arm on the wall. “You stood up for yourself against your parents, loads of people never manage to do that.”  
“And then I got so anxious about it all I vomited against a wall like a drunk teenager.” Enjolras sniffs.  
“That’s unfair on you.” Grantaire smooths back his hair.  
“I just want to go home…” Enjolras pushes himself away from the wall unsteadily.  
“Are you okay to go?” Grantaire asks as he moves to support him. Enjolras swallows hard, then exhales shakily.  
“I can’t stay here.”  
Grantaire hails them a taxi, Enjolras leaning his head on his shoulder as they travel back to his apartment. One they get in Enjolras collapses on his side on the sofa.  
“Do you want anything?”  
“Just water… My stomach feels like it’s full of butterflies all swimming around…” He turns his face into the cushion with a groan.  
“Are you going to throw up again?” Grantaire asks as he gets the glass of water.  
“I don’t think so. It wasn’t morning sickness just anxiety and pregnancy don’t mix. Peanut was telling me that they don’t like me getting so worried. Some way to show it…”  
“Got to stay classy.” Grantaire smiles, placing the glass down and moving to take of Enjolras’s shoes.  
“I knew they were going to be bad about things, they always are with my gender but I didn’t expect them to outright say we couldn’t do this. To just say that I…” Enjolras sniffs. “We can do this can’t we? I’m not just being stupid.”  
“Coming from the most pessimistic person you know, of course we can.” Grantaire sits down in the gap left by Enjolras’s curled legs. “You told me I was going to be a good father but more than anything I think you are going to be so much better than me. You care so much about everything, you’re so passionate. And already you’re so protective. I don’t how anyone could think you weren’t strong enough to do this, after everything you’ve been through.”  
“You think?”  
“I know. And hey we can pick up a few parenting books, and we’ve got everyone else to give us a hand. It’s an endless supply of baby sitters.” Enjolras smiles at this, pushing himself up a little to sip the water.  
“True. I shouldn’t really let them get to me, but it’s hard when your parents are the ones saying it.”  
“But they’re wrong about you. You know they are. We’re gonna do this.”

~~~

They go out, on Wednesday, to buy a few books, before the ultra-sound. Wednesday’s together has become almost their thing, just like Fridays are reserved for meetings. They both do some research on recommended titles and then come Wednesday go in search of a few of them.  
Being confronted by a veritable wall of bumps, mothers and babies isn’t the most reassuring experience, but with their list it’s easier to whittle it down to a few titles. They pick up two on pregnancy and birth, another on the first few days and a final one on the first year.  
The rest of the morning is then spent reading over them, not in any particular detail but just as a basic overview of what to be expecting. They exchange occasional amusing facts or quotes, going over certain parts together. It’s reassuring, for Grantaire at least.  
“I’ve been thinking.” Enjolras leans on the counter as Grantaire makes them some lunch.  
“Always dangerous.” He gets an elbow in the ribs in return.  
“No, about the birth like Lydia said. I want your opinion.”  
“I think you should do whatever you’re most comfortable with, I think it would make it easier on you and the baby.” Enjolras nods thoughtfully.  
“I was thinking… Maybe a home birth would be better for me. I know it carries more risk but I think I would be more comfortable if it was just you and Lydia and another midwife she chose, just less people, less… Medical. Then I feel selfish for putting my own comfort first…”  
“Enjolras you’re going to be giving birth. Your comfort should be a priority.”  
“So should the baby’s safety…”  
“It’s a minor risk. It’s not going to be good for either of you if you get stressed or panicked. Lydia knows what she’s doing. If she thinks it’s a bad idea she’ll say, or if something goes even slightly wrong we’ll be in safe hands.”  
“To be honest I almost don’t want to think about it… I think it’s just a little… Overwhelming. Reading these books is sort of helping but also making it so much more real… It’s probably all a little silly but you know, being so vulnerable, that’s even before the pain.”  
“But at the end of it we’ll have our baby.”  
“That’s one way of looking at it.”  
“I don’t know, because I’m sadly ill equipped to be able to do anything like that. But you know, if you need to you can break my hand or something.”  
“Gee thanks…”

They have the second ultra sound later in the day, and Enjolras is definitely more excited than apprehensive than last time.  
They’ve both agreed they don’t want to know the sex of the baby, a brief conversation they had last week that involved a basic ‘well I don’t, do you?’, ‘nope’, ‘great then it’s settled.’ Grantaire just wants to see the baby again, see how much they’ve grown. They’ve both been filling in the baby book since Jehan bought it, and it’s been fun for the most part, bar the incident with Enjolras’s parents. They’ve discussed the birth plan a little more, and begun to fill in a few of the blanks on the form.  
They get a different person from last time, a man who doesn’t ask too many questions, but is good at pointing out what they’re looking at.  
“Baby’s in a slightly awkward position but they’re developing great. You can see the hands there, I think they might actually be sucking their thumb…”  
“Really?” Enjolras grins, leaning up to examine the screen. “Look at that!”  
“I’m looking.” Grantaire smiles.  
They get the all clear, and the ultra sound of peanut sucking their thumb.  
“I suppose,” Enjolras begins over dinner. “Now we know things are going well we should start thinking about buying things…”  
“We need to figure out what to buy first.” Grantaire laughs, dipping a chip in his tomato sauce. Enjolras steals it from him, leaving Grantaire to look rather indignant.  
“I’m eating for two, and it’s yours. You owe me a chip.”  
“Chip or not my point still stands.”  
“Basics then. We can figure out the bigger stuff later.”  
“I do have quite a busy schedule…” Enjolras pouts. “I’m sorry, we have time…”  
“It’s Christmas next week.” Enjolras reminds him. “And I want to be nowhere near the shops at that point.  
“Hmph…” Grantaire offers a chip. “How about after New Year, in the sales?”  
“You’re supposed to be making sure I eat healthily.” Enjolras teases, but takes it anyway. “You forgot about Christmas didn’t you?”  
“Well I’ve been caught up in other things, and I swear Halloween was only last week.”  
“Why’d you think Courfeyrac’s been wearing novelty bow ties? Or why Joly, Bossuet and Chetta came in in matching jumpers last week?”  
“I don’t know…”  
“Time’s going a little quick huh?” Grantaire nods, sipping his drink.  
“What are you doing for Christmas anyway?”  
“Avoiding my parents, after the announcement I don’t really want to deal with my family for a little while.” Enjolras admits, poking his food with his fork.  
“Why don’t you come to mine?” Grantaire asks before he knows what he’s said. Enjolras frowns at him.  
“Really?”  
“Well, I’m not going anywhere… I can cook at least, maybe not guaranteeing presents seeing as I’ve only just remembered…”  
“It sounds lovely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line 'you forgot about Christmas' is dedicated to the fact that I managed, in the context of the story, to completely forget about Christmas being a thing...


	8. 19-21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t believe you forgot it was Christmas.” Jehan tells him that Friday before the groups Christmas meal, at Bahorel and Feuilly’s this time. “With me as a friend too.”  
> “Shut up and keep making paper chains. I have to make this place Christmassy somehow.” He does have a tree, covered in an assortment of decorations Jehan, Joly, Bossuet and Bahorel have spotted over the years and decided were too him to leave behind. Therefore it’s an odd assortment of odd deer, birds, a rainbow of baubles, some glittery 70s style things and a few painted wooden pieces Bossuet made himself. It’s definitely very him, and very untraditional.  
> “I’m still amazed you actually invited him over, on a weeks’ notice too. It’s so couple-y.”  
> “Not a couple.” Grantaire reminds them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically all fluff, Christmas and baby shopping

“I can’t believe you forgot it was Christmas.” Jehan tells him that Friday before the groups Christmas meal, at Bahorel and Feuilly’s this time. “With me as a friend too.”  
“Shut up and keep making paper chains. I have to make this place Christmassy somehow.” He does have a tree, covered in an assortment of decorations Jehan, Joly, Bossuet and Bahorel have spotted over the years and decided were too him to leave behind. Therefore it’s an odd assortment of odd deer, birds, a rainbow of baubles, some glittery 70s style things and a few painted wooden pieces Bossuet made himself. It’s definitely very him, and very untraditional.  
“I’m still amazed you actually invited him over, on a weeks’ notice too. It’s so couple-y.”  
“Not a couple.” Grantaire reminds them, pinning one end of his chain to the wall.  
“I know, I know. I’m not going to push.”  
“Where are you for Christmas?”  
“Mum’s for Christmas day, then Courfeyrac’s parents for boxing day.”  
“And you call us couple-y.”  
“Well my boyfriend and I are a couple, you know, doing things the right way around.” Jehan teases him, holding up the loose end for him to pin.  
“We’re not doing anything any way around.”  
“I’m just saying.”  
“Well shh.” Grantaire climbs down the step ladder and taps them on the nose.  
“Well maybe one day you can tease us.” Grantaire pauses.  
“Would you?” He asks. “Have a baby..?” Jehan shrugs.  
“I’ve never really thought about it. But my body’s never been the source for discomfort that it has been for Enjolras. I still wouldn’t like someone to misgender me mind, but… Well it’s all in the future anyway.” Grantaire grins and ruffles their hair.  
“Well believe me you will get all of the teasing no matter what you choose.” Jehan rolls their eyes in amusement, pulling their elf hat back on.  
“Come on, we’ll be late and I don’t want the food to get cold.”  
They’ve been charged with bringing pigs in blankets and carrots respectively, so Jehan went all out on their seemingly simple task with honey spiced glazes and what not. They balance the dishes precariously on the tube to Bahorel’s, who greets them in a ridiculous snowman jumper and with open arms that almost ruins their efforts immediately.  
“You’re not quite last.”  
“How reassuring.”  
Most people are already there, with the exception of the trio, and the house smells of mulled wine, and roasting turkey. Feuilly hurries up to greet them, wearing the cable knit Joly made them about 3 years ago, but always makes an appearance once autumn rolls around. They happily take their food through to the kitchenette, while they head for the living room.  
Everyone is lounging, Christmas music blaring in the background, and of course the flat is decorated immaculately, given Feuilly’s artistic skill and Bahorel’s general love for the season (well, any season to be fair). Jehan, and therefore Grantaire in tow, heads straight for Courfeyrac, kissing him on the cheek as they sneak up. Courfeyrac jumps a mile.  
“Shit! Jehan, you scared the life out of me.”  
“Is that any way to greet your loving boyfriend?”  
“It is when they nearly prevented me from seeing Christmas.” He leans up in the chair to kiss them firmly. “We were just talking about the shelter’s charity drive.”  
“Ooo, can I help?” Jehan clambers onto the sofa with a grin to examine their plans. Combeferre glances up at Grantaire.  
“Bahorel did try to make it a no work zone.” She smiles in amusement. She’s gone festive with her hijab, a deep forest green with gold threads running through. It’s coordinated with Courfeyrac and Enjolras, in reds and greens themselves.  
“Well that was never going to work with this lot around.” Grantaire points out with a grin.  
“I’ll just get them to hide it whenever Bahorel enters the room.”  
Work is soon abandoned entirely when Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta arrive, stating a kitchen emergency as the cause – which probably explains why Bossuet’s bobble on his Santa hat is singed. Musichetta almost immediately pulls her partners into the middle of the room to dance as Bahorel finishes putting everything into serving dishes.  
It’s quite the spread, everyone having brought an item. There’s stuffing, roast potatoes and parsnips from the later comers, Grantaire and Jehan’s offerings, Combeferre brought sprouts, Courfeyrac Yorkshire puddings, mixed greens from Enjolras. The Turkey is, of course, from the hosts, along with a plate of gingerbread, while Marius and Cosette, left in charge of dessert, have brought toffee cake and custard.  
Everyone digs in with rather a lot of gusto, passing plates and dishes around the table, nearly knocking over wine glasses. Their Christmas dinners are always fun, because half way through someone will stand up and make a speech – usually Bahorel, and then it’ll be a ripple effect as people drink more and the evening draws on.  
This evening is no exception. Bahorel pushes himself up at the end of the first round, as people are mopping up gravy, and raises a glass briefly before he puts it down to sign.  
“I would like to thank you all for coming and making quite frankly the best Christmas meal I’ve ever had, just don’t tell my mother that. But because it’s Christmas I’m allowed to be soppy, and tell you how glad I am that I’m friends with all you idiots. I’m happy that together we’re making a difference, to ourselves, each other, and to other people in the wider community. We’re not just friends with each other, we are the friends of all those who are put down, who have to lie, and hide, who are persecuted. And I’m damn happy we’re doing something about that. And next year we’re going to have another little person here, whose life I hope we can all be a part of. And even if we can’t change it we’re going to be the best goddamn little family you’ve ever seen. So I’m going to say well done, and congratulations to us all. We’ve done really well this year, and we’re going to do even better next year. And congratulations on getting drunk you two.” He points to the pair of them. “You’re gonna be wonderful. Cheers!”  
The cheers echoes around the table as everyone sips from their glasses, then the call goes up for crackers, and so a rather dangerous looking chain is formed around the table so everyone can pull together.  
By some miracle no one gets elbowed in the face or otherwise injured. Grantaire loses both his crackers, one to Enjolras and the other to Jehan who manages to win both of theirs, and graciously bestows a hat and small spinning top on him. After the various terrible jokes are told, and groaned at the food comes out again, being passed around a little more precariously over paper hats.  
“Just a tiny bit more turkey.” Enjolras tells Bahorel, who’s having a little too much fun carving extra thick slices.  
“Nonsense, you’re eating for two!”  
“That doesn’t mean I need an entire new plate- Oh okay.” Enjolras sighs in resignation as a new portion is loaded onto his plate. Most people have seconds of everything, so by the time dessert comes round they all retire to the sofas to groan a little before eating it.  
“What is it about Christmas food?” Bossuet asks in a moan, his head in Musichetta’s lap as she absentmindedly strokes his head. “Why do you keep eating it?”  
“Because it’s delicious and everyone always makes too much.” Bahorel informs him, flicking through the TV for a suitably Christmassy film.  
About halfway through Elf, when Joly’s nearly asleep, Jehan and Courfeyrac have found a blanket to snuggle under and Feuilly’s leaning their head on Bahorel’s shoulder, Cosette announces it’s time for cake and vanishes to the kitchen to begin heating things up. Marius shrugs, wheeling himself after her.  
“She can’t be hungry already.” Courfeyrac states.  
“Well I’m never going to say no to toffee cake…” Bahorel considers.  
And so they all end up having what has lovingly been named a ‘Cosette’ portion of cake – about 3 to 4 spoonful’s more than you can actually manage. That doesn’t stop many of them, Cosette’s renowned for her baking skills, and soon plates are primarily empty. By this point it’s getting late, but everyone’s too full to move so they opt for Love Actually in lieu of leaving.  
Most of them being over tipsy by this point the film becomes about 10 times funnier than it actually is, then Bossuet and Bahorel start a quote along, and then inevitably start singing the ‘Christmas is all around’ song. To be fair, they can both sing, it’s just very loud and not quite in sync.  
They all tumble out of the house at about 1am, Bahorel waving them off with a grin and a loud ‘Merry Christmas’ while Feuilly props him up, looking rather more amused. Once he’s sure Bahorel’s safe they give them all a hug and tells them they’ve had a really lovely evening. Feuilly doesn’t celebrate Christmas, being Jewish and raised primarily through the community, but they enjoy the togetherness and the chance it gives them to spend time with their friends. 

 

Grantaire spends the week preparing for his Christmas, he thinks it’s the first time he’s gone shopping that close to Christmas in years. He gives up on the gift and texts Courfeyrac asking for suggestions. Eventually he settled on a book, because when he’s not working, or… Working, Enjolras spends most of his time buried in the pages of a book. And it came with a recommendation so it must be mostly safe.  
“Hey.” He grins, opening the door to Enjolras on Christmas morning. He’s managed to get most things up together, he hopes, and he’s just stuck the Christmas CD on.  
“Merry Christmas.” Enjolras steps past him as Grantaire ushers him in, slipping off his coat.  
“And to you.” He suddenly feels the need to apologise for such an underwhelming display. “Sorry it’s not much… I don’t have many decorations.”  
“That’s okay…” Enjolras frowns. “Did you do all this just for today?”  
“Well.” Grantaire looks down. “I don’t usually do Christmas. There’s not really anyone to spend it with… So the only things I had were things I’d been given.”  
“Oh…” Enjolras looks across to him, and there’s a hint of sadness in his expression. Grantaire’s still not used to it, to the fact they’re friends, that Enjolras never actually hated him, that he values him at least a little. “Well, now you can have Christmas with me. Us…”  
“Well we are.”  
“No, from… Now on. We can have proper Christmases.” Enjolras looks a little embarrassed by the suggestion. “I mean with the baby and I don’t like the idea that you’ve had… Yeah…”  
“Well it’s very sweet of you to worry. Pregnancy must have softened you up.” It’s defensive, it’s why they always used to fight. Enjolras sighs.  
“You had to ruin it…”  
“That’s what I do.”  
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Enjolras tells him quietly, then turns to the kitchen. “What do you need me to do?”  
“Um. Nothing really most things are sorted. And you’re my guest.”  
“You’re still having me over, I feel I should do something.”  
“If you’re that desperate you can finish chopping the vegetables?” Grantaire shrugs. Enjolras makes a contented sound and heads for the kitchen. 

~~~

“This is one hell of a list…” Enjolras frowns at the paper they’ve spent the morning compiling. “Babies are tiny, how do they need so much stuff?”  
“They’re also messy.” Grantaire reminds him. “Just remember people might get us stuff so if we stick to just the basics and then we can worry about accessories later.”  
“Alright, I still don’t know where to start.” Grantaire examines the list over his shoulder, sipping his coffee.  
“Uh… How about clothes?”  
“Well they’re probably pretty vital.”  
After they’ve finished fuelling up for the task they head out in search of some basic clothes. They decide to start the search in the supermarket, in the hopes it might be a little cheaper.  
“I don’t know if you’ve given it any thought, and obviously we don’t actually know the gender but… I would like to stick to relatively neutral clothing.” Enjolras says as they find their way through the maze of aisles.  
“I can still buy cute clothes right?”  
“Of course!” Enjolras looks round to him like the suggestion is preposterous. “Neutral doesn’t mean boring. If we find something cute and it’s pink or blue then I feel like that’s okay.”  
“Balance.” Grantaire grins.  
“Exactly. Pink isn’t just for girls.”  
“Good, because this is the sweetest thing.” Grantaire holds up a two-piece with Bambi on it.  
“Oh it’s so tiny…” Enjolras presses his hands together. Grantaire checks the size and places it in the basket.  
“I guess we find cute things in a couple of sizes in case peanut’s a big baby?”  
“It can’t hurt… Well not yet.” Grantaire chuckles, pulling him further down the aisle.  
The supermarket, as it turns out, does a range of Winnie the Pooh themed clothing, which neither of them does very well at resisting. So they end up with a small variety of sleepsuits, two pieces and body suits with the various characters on.  
“We have a themed baby…” Enjolras frowns into the basket, counting the clothing. “5 sleepsuits, 4 two pieces, and… I think 6 bodysuits. Oh and a hat and 2 bibs”  
“Well we’re doing pretty good then, if you want to move on.” Enjolras nods in satisfaction once he’s checked again.

They don’t do so well in the next few shops, but eventually manage to gather up some scratch mitts and hat covered in small stars, socks, a dungaree set and a knitted bear hat Enjolras claims he must have – Grantaire is inclined to agree.  
“I think we’re probably alright on the clothes front for now…” Enjolras says as they wander along the street. “Especially because everyone is bound to go a bit mad with presents…”  
“That means it’s time to tackle some of the big stuff.”  
“Joy…” Enjolras sighs.  
“Well, we can always just look at the blanket sets.”  
“No, we’d better get it done, while I have a reasonable amount of energy. I can’t believe we’re already half way through…” He folds an arm across his stomach. “And it’ll only go quicker.”  
They turn into the large baby shop, the one they’ve visited before. Grantaire thinks Enjolras has been dreading coming here again somewhat, and so he gently touches his hand to reassure him.  
“Right.” Enjolras is all business, gazing around. “Where to first?”  
They go for beds first, deciding it should be least difficult. Only to be immediately confronted with the crib vs. Moses basket decision.  
“Cribs typically last longer – the whole 6 months baby should be sleeping with you – but many parents prefer having a Moses basket for nap time.” The assistant in the area explains, leaving them none the wiser. “You could use a pram instead if that would be easier, or a carry cot.”  
After vast amounts of dithering they settle on a crib, then dither even more over natural vs. white. When the assistant tries to help, asking about the room it’s going into they have an awkward moment of whether it’s going to be moving or if they need two or a travel one.  
Eventually they settle for a white rocking crib, and sheets with tiny blue grey clouds and green stars on them. Enjolras decides he wants to try a swaddling blanket, so they get one to match the clouds, alongside a plain white blanket and sheets.  
“Is that the easy part over?” Enjolras asks as they head for the pram section.  
“Well, bottles can’t be too hard can it?”  
“I don’t think anything is going to be easy here…” Enjolras frowns at the prams on display. Their first discovery is that prams are expensive, the second is that they have no particular idea of what they’re looking for. It takes over half an hour of umming and ahing to begin whittling down their choices, but eventually they decide on a 3-in-1 and the assistant is nice enough to point them toward some changing bags which is a considerably easier decision.  
They decide after that that most of the other stuff can wait until next time, Enjolras looks rather worn out and Grantaire doesn’t want to bring up the idea he’s slowly formulating in his head.  
“Oh wait.” Enjolras exclaims as they near the tills. “We should get a toy.”  
“A toy?”  
“A first teddy…”  
“How can you be so terrifying and dominant and then be so adorable at the same time?” Enjolras turns to give him a look, which only proves the point more. Grantaire gives him a wide grin in return. Enjolras considers for a moment before he turns and walks back toward the aisles. “Alright, alright. What kind of teddy?”  
“I don’t know…” Enjolras pauses in the aisle, staring at the various soft toys in front of them. “I think I was hoping I’d see one and know…”  
“Not happening huh?”  
“No…” Enjolras sighs. “I just… Our baby is so special and I want to get something equally as special. Not just something basic…” He rubs his stomach, drawing the fabric closer to his skin Grantaire can see a definite bump now. Enjolras isn’t entirely sure how he feels about it yet, but it doesn’t fail to make Grantaire smile.  
“Well,” He leans on Enjolras’s shoulder, to get a little closer. Enjolras bats at him. “We could ask one of our friends. I mean Joly’s pretty good at knitting, I’m sure ze’d make something.”  
“We should ask if ze could make the coming home outfit.”  
“You’re having a home birth.” Grantaire reminds him.  
“Fine, the first outfit. Better?”  
“I know Cosette sews…”  
“I really like this idea.” Enjolras smiles. “It’s much more personal, but more… Well all this.”  
“You mean two friends raising a baby because they got drunk and had sex?” Grantaire teases.  
“Thank you for putting it so eloquently.” Enjolras sighs.


	9. 22-25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire may have been planning all week. Planning what to say, how to say it, how to deal with any kind of rejection that might come about.  
> Of course now he’s here, knocking on Enjolras’s door, he knows none of that is going to matter, and it’s all going to go to pot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of transphobia, but otherwise pretty clear!

Grantaire may have been planning all week. Planning what to say, how to say it, how to deal with any kind of rejection that might come about.  
Of course now he’s here, knocking on Enjolras’s door, he knows none of that is going to matter, and it’s all going to go to pot.  
Enjolras grins at him as he opens the door, looking glad to see him which Grantaire takes as a good sign, it reassures him steels him a little.  
“You made it.”  
“Well I said Wednesday’s would be our day, so here I am.”  
He’s here primarily to draw, but as he does they chat and really that’s what he looks forward to.  
“I’ve certainly got more of a bump this week. It must have gotten pretty boring just drawing me every week.”  
“I could never get bored, you’re a lovely subject…”Enjolras smiles.  
“Now you’re just being charming.”  
The bump is still perfectly hide-able, especially under Enjolras’s oversized jumpers and shirts, but it’s defined now. Grantaire begins sketching.  
“You know you still haven’t told me much about you, other than what I’ve learnt from meetings.” Enjolras muses.  
“Is there anything in particular you feel you should know?” Grantaire looks up in amusement. “Because I’m pretty sure the midwife covered all the important medical bits.”  
“Oh come on, hobbies and things. University, anything.”  
“Well you know I like drawing and painting.” Enjolras pulls a face that says ‘and?’ “Well I used to do ballroom, at Uni. That’s where I met Jehan actually. They make a very good partner. That was back when they didn’t think they weren’t masculine enough to identify as male. Then you know we started living together in second year, which was lovely I mean so many lazy days managing to avoid work but we inspired each other I think. He’d write the poetry, and I’d paint it. Uh… I used to do single stick when I was younger, which sounds pretty old fashioned now but it kept me well. My Grandparents helped me during Uni after I left home… I don’t know, everything’s gone out of my head.” He chuckles. “My Grandma taught me to draw, and Grandpa taught me to play piano..?”  
“That sounds lovely.”  
“Mm, they always encouraged me to pursue it, even if it wasn’t the most financially stable... Which I really needed. I had so much stress during upper school because, well I was smart I guess but I wasn’t bothered about pursuing all these subjects and my mother and father were trying to force me into them… But turns out I’m a persistent little shit. I just picked up a lot of negativity along the way…” He pauses, coughs then continues. “Anyway, you actually asked about hobbies-“  
“No, I don’t know these things about you and they’re obviously so important to you becoming you.”  
“I guess you could say that, might not always be the best though.”  
“I think you’re just you. Sure there are some bits that maybe aren’t the best but that doesn’t mean they need to change. Well… Maybe a little of the self-destructive behaviour.”  
“I’m getting better. I can show you a note to prove it.” Grantaire jokes.  
They take a tea break when both of them get stiff from standing and drawing. Grantaire draws together his resolve, handing Enjolras the novelty mug Joly bought him a couple of years ago.  
“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”  
“Yeah?” Enjolras sips his tea carefully to check it’s not too hot.  
“Well, it’s kind of important.” Enjolras places the mug down now, looking up at him. “Well I thought maybe we should… If you thought it was a good idea…” He trips over his words, pulls them back together, and blurts it out. “Move in together?”  
“What?” Enjolras frowns.  
“We could have our own place, and the baby could have a room. And-“  
“Grantaire this is a massive step.” Enjolras pushes himself up.  
“It wouldn’t be us getting together, nothing like that. But I want to be there for you, and the baby. All the time, not just when I can come over or on a weekend. I want to look after you both.” He places a hand on Enjolras’s side.  
“But you can do that from this- I just…” Enjolras pulls away a little to head for the door.  
“This is your place.”  
“Right-“ He returns, pushing a hand through his loose hair. “It’s such a big ask Grantaire.”  
“I know.”  
“I love this place, I thought I could manage here.”  
“You probably can, this is just me…”  
“But now you’ve got me thinking I can’t. Now you’ve got me thinking about new flats and nurseries and… Living together Grantaire!”  
“I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”  
“But you’ve obviously been thinking about it.” He sighs. “It’s a huge ask.”  
“I wouldn’t if I didn’t think we could.”  
“But what about the practicalities, we’d be living together. There’d be a mortgage or… What if one of us moved out? Or just- Oh.” He stops short, eyes widening. Grantaire steps forward.  
“What’s wrong? Enjolras, oh what?”  
“No good oh. Great oh.” His hand goes to his stomach. “I think the baby kicked.”  
“You’re kidding me?” The argument is forgotten, in the instant it takes Grantaire to move forward half a step.  
“I’ve felt a bit of movement before but that the first actual- Oh quick.” He takes Grantaire’s hand. “Uh… Here.” There’s a small, but firm jab of movement against his hand.  
“Oh wow it’s so weird…”  
“You’re telling me.” Enjolras grins. “Oh! Gosh they’re quite strong aren’t they? I think Peanut approves…” Grantaire looks up to meet Enjolras’s eyes.  
“Do you?”  
“I don’t know. But I… I like the idea of a home. And you being there to help, especially with all the… Well the beginning bits and not missing out on any firsts. I don’t really want to leave here but… I suppose I was always going to have to and if I do I might as well start something proper. With you and the baby. Then they can be more stable-“ He cuts off at another kick. “Fine! We’ll do it.”  
“Only if you’re sure.” Grantaire smiles.  
“Well, it’s scary. But then so is this really. Let’s start looking at least.”  
“I didn’t expect you to actually agree.”  
“But you’re right. Peanut deserves both of us, and you deserve to be there for it all, without sleeping on my sofa or something. And having an actual nursery that we can decorate and do up properly. I know it’s not going to be perfect, we won’t have a garden or anywhere particularly big but…”  
“Hey we can work around it. We can grow plants and get an allotment and visit the park all the time or something.” Grantaire smiles. Enjolras smiles back, his hand still over Grantaire’s for a moment before he moves it to the actual bump.  
“I think I’d like that. And peanut does too.” He adds at another movement. “I think they can hear us.”  
“That’s actually pretty cool…” Grantaire crouches down. “You probably only know your other Daddy, but I want you to know that I’m here too. And you’re already so loved. By everyone, but especially me.”  
“And me.”  
“And the other one.” Enjolras taps him on the top of the head, laughing.  
“That other one is the one carrying your baby.”  
“And grateful I am too.”

Actually hunting for flats with Enjolras is a surreal experience. During the two weeks they go to at least one viewing a day, sometimes more on their days off, but then it gets tiring and they get crabby, they argue slightly more over their dinners. Enjolras jabs at adverts in the Evening Standard, less a suggestion more an order that they should view this one next. Grantaire knows it’s probably a mix of everything going on right now, they’re both tired, there’s hormones and emotions running high but it still makes him uncomfortable when they sit and jibe.  
It’s only because someone mentions the new development that they even discover it. It’s in Poplar, a little further out than they’ve been looking but still perfectly reasonable for them, their jobs and their friends. It’s along the river, and it seems like a slightly quieter corner of the city in the least.  
Enjolras is rather more excited than is usual as the estate agent opens the door for them, but he blames that on hormones, which have apparently been all over the place recently. ‘Typical’ he says.  
The front door opens into a hall, and the man showing them around informs them that the first two bedrooms are to the left, before leading them down, pointing out the bathroom and master as he goes.  
“And this will be your living room.” The room is airy, with room for a desk in one corner, and everything else in the middle. There’s a balcony on the far side that they step out onto to admire the view of the river, giving some relative green to the area. Next they’re shown the kitchen-diner, another light room, with full windows and cream cabinets. The bedrooms are decently sized, plain at the moment, and the bathroom is modern in black and white tiles.  
“I’ll let you have a little look.” The agent tells them, leaving them to it for a few minutes.  
“So?”  
“This might be the one.” Enjolras says, examining the room they’re in.  
“Really?”  
“It’s the best we’ve seen, and it’s lovely and bright. And it’s a new house, for us to make our own. And… There’s a good choice of schools nearby.” He adds.  
“You researched didn’t you.”  
“Well it’s going to be important at some point!”  
“I really like it too.” Grantaire tells him with an amused smile. “We’ve got space, there’s greenery…”  
“So we’re going to do this?”  
“I guess so.” Grantaire sounds less nervous than he expected.  
So they put in an offer, sort out their finances and the current agreements on their flats and aim to move in as soon as possible, barring painting and other odd jobs. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too. Enjolras smiles at him over dinner as they go over another round of forms. There seem to be so many at the moment, finance, rent, agreements. He signs his signature that is starting to look not quite like his own he’s signed it so many times.  
“I think that’s nearly it…”  
“Thank god, can I actually eat now?” Grantaire raises an eyebrow.  
“Yes, god forbid all this keeps you away from the food.”  
“Like you’re one to talk.” He teases. Enjolras leans on one hand, looking less than impressed.  
“I have an excuse.” 

~~~

Enjolras is more irritable one day, a contrast to how much more relax he’s been since they bought the flat, but refuses to give anything away. They both sit in the waiting room for the midwife the day after in relative silence until Enjolras eventually sighs.  
“My parents got wind of what’s happening, and they think it’s a step toward a proper family. They basically announced it all in the local paper so… Now all my family know and they keep calling me and saying either how happy they are or that I’m doing something wrong.” He leans his head back against the wall. “It’s just really stressing me out. Because even the ‘happy’ people sound so condescending because they know all about my little ‘man phase’ and it’s just… Upsetting. So, there you know now.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault. It’s just my shitty parents. I just want to… I don’t know send in a bloody article about what’s going on so people stop telling me congratulations not for having a baby but for embracing my femininity!” He leans forward on his hand.  
“Well, you could write it.”  
“I don’t want the press.”  
“Maybe after you’ve had the baby, send in your own announcement of the birth with your proper name and pronouns.”  
They’re called in then, Lydia looking as smiley as ever. She takes all the usual tests, then asks him to hop up onto the bed.  
“Well, you’ve got quite the little bump coming along. Very nice and petite. I’m just going to have a measure.” She takes out a tape measure, measuring from the bottom to the top of the bump, noting the measurement before having a quick feel around. “Any movement?”  
“Yes, they’ve been kicking for the last couple of weeks. Not too hard yet, and they like people talking I think… But that might just be me.” Enjolras smiles as she listens for the heartbeat.  
“Well, the heart’s certainly going strong.” She smiles. “And you’re doing fine too. Now, have you thought anymore about your birth plan?” Enjolras sits up on the bed, so he can reach the folder.  
“I’m still thinking about a home birth, barring any complications. I just think it will make me much more relaxed.”  
“Well obviously that will limit your pain relief, so I’d suggest booking into a good antennal birthing class, if you’d be comfortable.”  
“I hadn’t really thought… I feel like I’d make the others uncomfortable.”  
“For a lot of mothers it’s ‘we’re in this together’. But I understand if you’d rather there was an alternative.”  
They continue discussing the classes, and then through to the general birth plan. It all seems so far in advance, but then he supposes it is only 3 months away. That brings him back down to earth with a considerable bump. Because 3 months seems like a long time when you’re waiting for something great, but it also seems like a terrifyingly short time when there’s so much left to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time due to where I had to cut it, but next week will make up for it :)  
> On another note, we're now caught up to 'real time' week wise! This is the 25th week if this was in real life, and now the story is there too :D


	10. 26-27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make the announcement the following Friday, after asking people to keep the Sunday free. The paper work has only just gone through, and it’s not technically theirs until the morning, but they’re going to need quite a few hands to help them get started.   
> It’s near the end of the meeting, when everyone’s tailing off, that Enjolras stands up and beckons Grantaire over. One of those eerie in sync hush’s falls.  
> “Grantaire and I have an announcement.”  
> “Wait, wait.” Bahorel places a hand to his forehead. “I’m getting déjà vu… You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

They make the announcement the following Friday, after asking people to keep the Sunday free. The paper work has only just gone through, and it’s not technically theirs until the morning, but they’re going to need quite a few hands to help them get started.   
It’s near the end of the meeting, when everyone’s tailing off, that Enjolras stands up and beckons Grantaire over. One of those eerie in sync hush’s falls.  
“Grantaire and I have an announcement.”  
“Wait, wait.” Bahorel places a hand to his forehead. “I’m getting déjà vu… You’re pregnant aren’t you?” Enjolras shoots him an unamused look and gets a grin in return.   
“Well it’s kind of related. And a couple of you already know…”   
“That’s not fair.” Bahorel protests.  
“They found out themselves, it wasn’t intentional. Anyway… We’ve got a flat together.”   
“That’s a big step.” Musichetta looks delighted, once the ‘ooos’ and ‘aaahs’ have calmed down.   
“We think it’s the right choice.” Grantaire tells her. “And it’s not something we’ve jumped into suddenly, we’ve been looking for nearly a month.”  
“It was Grantaire’s idea.” Jehan shoots him a look at Enjolras’s words, but he shakes his head slightly.   
“We get the keys tomorrow, but before we properly move in we need to finish up some decorating, make it a bit more us… So if people are around on Sunday we’re going to have a bit of a house warming, well, painting. We’ll provide dinner.”

The promise of dinner sounds successful, so on Saturday the pair of them venture into a DIY store to find paint and other decorating goods.   
It’s been agreed that Enjolras gets the master, given that he’ll need to fit a crib in there for at least a little while. So Grantaire gives him free reign on his colour scheme, but remains unsurprised when he chooses a rich red as a statement wall colour.   
“It matches my duvet.” He defends himself, Grantaire makes a ‘of course it does’ noise, holding back a smile.   
Grantaire selects a more muted shade of green for himself, it’s a calming colour that he feels makes him more creative in his work. That’s probably psychosomatic, but he likes it anyway.  
Luckily they both agree on a pleasant duck-egg blue for the kitchen-diner, but the lounge takes rather longer until Enjolras suggests wall paper. So then it’s a short trek around to find the wallpaper section and a long while to figure out a colour theme. They both have furniture to bring, 2 coffee tables, 3 sofas, a dining room table and chairs, bar stools. It might be possible to match it all, but the order is definitely something to figure out.   
“I give up, you choose something.” Enjolras sighs, rubbing his eyes.   
“Stripes?”   
“It’s not a massive room…”   
“Okay, maybe a modern floral. Maybe just in the alcove rather than all over.” Enjolras measures it up in his head and nods in approval. “Okay then… Well if we put your sofas in there and go for a warm tone.” He wanders along the row to the cream to red section, browsing with some intent. “Ah, what about this one?” It’s a cream background, with black vines and red tulip like flowers dotted up it. Enjolras comes over to examine it, then smiles.  
“I knew there was a reason I brought an artist with me.”  
“You also brought him so he could paint the nursery.” Enjolras glances up from where he’s trying to figure out how many rolls they need. “Can I? I’d like to do a mural…”   
“That’s ambitious. To be honest I hadn’t really thought about it properly…”   
“Do you trust me, because if I do I’m not letting you see until I’m finished?” Enjolras presses his lips together against a smile, though Grantaire can see how much he hates relinquishing the control.   
“Okay…”  
“I do need you to pick some little tester pot colours for me though.” He says and he goes to find the big paints he needs. Enjolras looks a little confused, but he ends up by the little tester pots anyway, selecting a few pastel shades of purple, green, yellow and pink. Grantaire grabs a brown and black too before they go to pay. 

They probably should have been more prepared for the mass flat decorating than they are. They’ve laid out the paints and old sheets in the rooms they’re needed in, got some masking tape to begin marking off the walls . Then they realise they need to figure out who’s doing what. Grantaire commandeers Feuilly to help him in the nursery, he started sketching it out last night after they parted. Then they need to figure out who’ll be best at wallpapering, and opt for Combeferre and Courfeyrac for the job, they give Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta the biggest area in the dining room between them, Jehan and Bahorel can start on the bedrooms, then whoever finishes first can join them. Enjolras will direct.   
Then of course everyone arrives and want to be shown around, Jehan brings them their first pot plant, and by the time the greetings are over someone mentions lunch so they all end up camped on the floor in the living room eating sandwiches.   
It’s nearly 2 when they actually get started on finishing the masking that Grantaire and Enjolras started at the beginning of the day. Then comes the hilarious task of most of them standing in the living room trying to figure out how to put up wallpaper. Grantaire leaves them to it, dragging Feuilly through to begin work.   
Feuilly gazes around at the sketches, nodding to theirself.  
‘This is ambitious.’  
‘That’s why we need to get started.’   
They start on the background first, next door Grantaire can hear Jehan and Bahorel laughing – it’s hard to miss – about getting masking tape stuck everywhere. Grantaire takes the darker blue, in the alcove and just spreading beyond onto the walls around it as Feuilly comes up to meet him with a pale blue and blend the two together. Then Grantaire starts on the green along the bottom of the walls, hills and trees just under a quarter of the way up the wall, Feuilly takes the sea on the far wall, expertly painting the fine details of waves before it dries too much.   
They leave it to dry a while then, and go and investigate what else is going on around the house and to offer refreshment from the kettle and mugs that are the only items in the house. In the kitchen area they find the trio splattered with more paint than is probably necessary, in Chetta’s hair, Joly’s cheek, the top of Bossuet’s head… They’re all grinning like naughty school children, so Enjolras obviously hasn’t been through yet.   
They discover why in the living room, where Courfeyrac is battling a piece of wall paper on top of a step ladder, while the other two try to help and direct.   
“Why the bloody hell did you think wallpaper was a good idea?” Courfeyrac mutters from his perch, trying to smooth it out.   
They eventually return to their own work, adding clouds and little galaxy patterns to the corresponding colours. By that point everyone is basically finished, so they decide to head back to Grantaire’s, still covered in paint and slightly hyped up from the whole experience.   
“I can’t believe you guys actually own a house.” Joly grins. “It’s so grown up.”   
“Hey Enjolras if your baby can hear now does that mean I can start them getting to know my voice?” Bahorel asks.   
“You don’t get all the fun.” Jehan leans on him, not able to actually reach his shoulder. “They should know all of us.” Enjolras is smiling as he cuts vegetables.   
“You can all talk at some point. We’ll just have to see which one they kick more for.”  
The answer, it turns out later after they’ve eaten dinner, is Combeferre, who looks quietly ecstatic at the development.   
“That’s such a weird feeling…” Courfeyrac marvels when it’s his turn.  
“It’s even weirder when you can see it. Very Alien…” Enjolras laughs, then pulls a face as he stretches. “Doing all the masking tape was a terrible idea.” Jehan offers up a massage, which is gladly accepted. “It’s all been fine so far, but apparently all my joints are loosening up. Which sounds lovely…”  
"One of the joys of pregnancy, personally this is only serving to put me off." Jehan chuckles. "The miracle of life is weird as hell."

~~

Grantaire spends most of the next few evenings in the flat, painting in little details like planets and stars. In the pale blue he adds hot air balloons, one for each member of the group and decorated in different ways – stripes, diamonds, covers over the top half, ribbons, he makes each unique, trying to match it to the person. For his and Enjolras’s he uses the paint from their bedrooms, red and white stripes, with a diamond pattern for Enjolras, and a rather plain balloon with a slight diamond pattern for his. In the corner where the land meets the sea he adds a light house, with a beam stretching out into the fading pale blue as it meets the night sky by the door.   
They start moving things in on Wednesday, nabbing Feuilly and Bahorel to help them, and he’s not quite finished. But they’re not planning on moving in properly until the weekend, so it’s not so bad.   
“Why did you get one on the fourth floor?” Bahorel mutters as they struggle with Grantaire’s sofa and the lift.  
“Because it was the one available already. You volunteered for this.” Grantaire reminds him. Bahorel continues to mutter until Feuilly nudges him, looking rather amused theirself.   
Grantaire’s sofa goes into the kitchen diner, making it slightly more homely. The table’s already in place, appliances are to be brought when they move in. In the lounge one sofa is in place, and a coffee table. The beds are going to be a little more difficult.   
He takes Thursday afternoon off, the café is quiet at the moment and he wants to get the mural finished in time. He’s surprised to find Enjolras in the kitchen, curled up in the sofa with a mug of tea.   
“You’re supposed to be at work..?” He frowns, quite thrown by the situation, his heart beating hard even as he tries to hide it.   
“I didn’t peek don’t worry. I got sent home, and well… Here was slightly closer.”   
“Why?” Grantaire sets down his paint brushes and sits on the arm of the sofa.  
“I may have fainted.”   
“Are you okay? Is the baby-“ Enjolras holds up his hands.   
“We’re both fine. Apparently I went down almost perfectly. My boss came out to say something and I stood up to grab something and then next thing I know I’m on the floor. I called Lydia and she came by to check me, it’s just a little low blood pressure. Of course I had to tell everyone why so I didn’t come across like I had something serious.”   
“That was okay?”  
“I work at a charity for trans people. Everyone was fine, I just wasn’t expecting it to be like that. My boss already knew, so she was great. Freaked her the hell out but she was great. Anyway I thought I’d come by here, seeing as my sofas are here anyway…”  
“Are you feeling alright now though?”  
“Not the best, a little nauseous but no worse than I’ve had before. Shaky too… Oh and peanut is most indignant.” He rubs his bump with a smile. “I was nearing the end of being able to hide it anyway.”   
“How do you feel about that?” Grantaire asks after a moment, hesitantly.   
“I’m kind of scared. I know I’ve been lucky to make it this far but now I’m worried about going places and what people might think… Or say. I know it’ll probably be better than I’m fearing but, you know… It’s the idea.”   
“You’ve been strong, I know you can do it.”   
“Well it’s a little late now to turn back.” Enjolras smiles slightly. “It will be worth it, it’s just a little daunting right now.”  
“Well, I’m here. And everyone else too, if you need them. That’s the idea of the group.”

It’s odd leaving his flat that weekend. He knows it was never supposed to be permanent, but it was still always home. The kitchen, the corner for his art works, the slightly too small bedroom.   
Nevertheless he’s excited, maybe even apprehensive, about the next venture. His bed’s already been moved, so he slept on a blow up bed last night, which is most of what he has left, bar a few bits of crockery, some cutlery and a saucepan. He loads all that into a box to carry with him. It’s probably too heavy, but they’re getting the tube from Enjolras’s.   
“Are you ready?” Enjolras asks, with a nervous smile as they reach the front door.   
“I think so…” Enjolras is carrying less, so he unlocks the door. It’s the same apartment, smelling of paint, and with boxes still in the hall, but instantly he feels at home now he knows it’s theirs. With their furniture, their decorating. He places the boxes down, the turns to Enjolras with a grin.   
“Welcome home.”   
Enjolras laughs, hugging him.   
“Come on, I just about finished the painting last night.” He drags him toward the nursery. “Close your eyes though.” Enjolras rolls them, but does as he’s told. Grantaire takes his hand, carefully leading him through the door. There’s no furniture in here yet, just the things they brought on their shopping trip, still in boxes. “Okay… Open them.”  
Enjolras does so, then pauses, then exhales.  
“Oh… Wow…”  
“You like it?”  
“Grantaire it’s amazing.” He gazes around at the walls, the landscapes along them and the balloons in the sky. “It’s perfect.” Grantaire sighs in relief.   
“Oh thank God…”  
They spend the afternoon unpacking, starting with kitchen equipment they deem essential, then moving onto the more random boxes scattered about. Gradually it begins to take shape, with the odd photo here and there, Enjolras’s desk in the alcove, a few of Grantaire’s paintings, mementos, even little things like cushions. Enjolras collapses onto the sofa in the evening.  
“I am absolutely starving. Do you think we can get away with take out?”   
So they order Indian, because neither of them can be bothered to cook after the afternoon. They eat watching the TV, content with each other’s company. Enjolras starts flagging once they’re finished, so Grantaire makes up the beds as Enjolras showers.   
“I guess I’ll wish you goodnight, roomie.” He smiles, standing in the doorway to his bedroom.   
“Yeah, night Enjolras.” Grantaire smiles back. And when he climbs into bed he falls asleep easy, surprisingly content already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry there wasn't an update last week, I was at my Grandparents and had no internet on Sunday and it didn't feel right doing it on any other days :L But we have one now, and now you know how Enjolras and Grantaire spent their Valentine's weekend


	11. 28-29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living together makes quite a few things easier. For a start it means they can share the cooking, especially useful when Enjolras isn’t in the mood to stand for much longer than is needed. It means he doesn’t miss anything, and he can talk to both Enjolras and peanut every day now.  
> “Lunch?” He asks, and Enjolras glances up at him.  
> “I actually, I’m going out this evening. So maybe just something light.”  
> “Oh, you’re out tonight?” Grantaire tries not to be disappointed, because they do have separate lives and it’s good to maintain that, but still it hurts a little.  
> “Sorry, I was going to mention it. It only happened yesterday but my aunt called and said she and my cousin were in town to see a show or something and she wanted to see me.”  
> “Which aunt is this?”  
> “The only one, I’ve told you a bit about her. She’s the one who’s been really nice, called me to warn me about Grandad? I did mean to tell you, just I got distracted with the midwife and everything else. I mean you are welcome to come."

Living together makes quite a few things easier. For a start it means they can share the cooking, especially useful when Enjolras isn’t in the mood to stand for much longer than is needed. It means he doesn’t miss anything, and he can talk to both Enjolras and peanut every day now.

The only problem he has found is working on the progress piece. He’s added baby clothes, house keys, paint cans and brushes and a tiny hot air balloon in the appropriate places between the various weeks. But hiding it’s a bit harder, so it’s stuck under his bed for the moment.

They settle into a routine far quicker than expected over the next couple of days, Enjolras generally leaves for work earlier than Grantaire, but Grantaire’s sometimes out in the evenings at the bar. Usually they meet in the middle.

It’s certainly made going to the midwife easier, and they inform her of their change in living situation at the 28 week check-up.

“Oh that’s great, so baby can be born straight into their new home.”

“And we can get it all sorted out too.” Enjolras laughs.

“Your blood pressure’s looking better too. No dizziness since last week?”

“None, maybe a head rush but nothing major.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She gets him up on the bed. “I’m just going to take a little blood, and then we have a couple more things to give you. It’s one of those pin cushion days I’m afraid.” She takes the blood, Enjolras pulling a face then explains the anti-d injection. “It’s just in case your baby is positive, if your bloods mix you’ll start producing anti-bodies. That shouldn’t be a problem this time round but if you decide to conceive again…” Enjolras snorts, looking rather unconvinced. “Just in case.” Lydia smiles, slightly amused.

Finally comes the Whooping cough vaccine, and Enjolras looks thoroughly unimpressed with the amount of cotton wool stuck to him. Lydia finds her tape measure, lifting his shirt.

“Baby’s definitely growing aren’t they?”

“A lot quicker now yeah…”

“It’s still a very petite bump though, but with your frame that’s not surprising.” She says as she measures, Enjolras jumping at the cold of the tape measure. They go over a couple more things, then Lydia waves them off with the even heavier folder. Enjolras tends to carry it, like a type of security, but if it gets heavier Grantaire thinks he’ll have to start lugging it around.

“Lunch?” He asks, and Enjolras glances up at him.

“I actually, I’m going out this evening. So maybe just something light.”

“Oh, you’re out tonight?” Grantaire tries not to be disappointed, because they do have separate lives and it’s good to maintain that, but still it hurts a little.

“Sorry, I was going to mention it. It only happened yesterday but my aunt called and said she and my cousin were in town to see a show or something and she wanted to see me.”

“Which aunt is this?”

“The only one, I’ve told you a bit about her. She’s the one who’s been really nice, called me to warn me about Grandad? I did mean to tell you, just I got distracted with the midwife and everything else. I mean you are welcome to come…”

“Well, if you wanted it to be a family thing I’m not going to interrupt.” Enjolras watches him again, with those close, considering eyes.

“You’re going to be family. I think you should meet them, I mean she’d love to meet you.”

“Yeah, told her all about me?” Grantaire teases, because it’s easier to do that than give a serious response.

“Some of it yeah, we had a long chat when I told her I was pregnant. She’s just been busy so far. Are you free?”

“I am yeah.”

“Great, it’s nothing fancy. Just an early dinner, we can have the rest of the evening.”

“That sounds good, we won’t need the rest to recover will we?”

“No, Auntie Mel is great, and so’s Nadine. That’s my cousin. They’re the nice ones of my family. Like, she’s my Mum’s sister, and somehow she was the only one who managed to be really accepting. Mum’s brother, he’s not quite so bad but he ignores everything basically. But it was one of his two that outed me to Grandad, they’re not brilliant, they get a bit snide about it. I mean it’s not like I wouldn’t have told him, he knew I was ‘tomboyish’ but I had that completely taken away. I’m just thankful Mel told me.” He sighs. “Sorry, I’m just talking lots, it’s all gotten a bit depressing.”

“It’s fine, just focus on the fact that you get to see the nice ones later.” Grantaire squeezes his shoulder.

 

They head out together that evening, to a little bistro near the theatres. It’s remarkable the difference between this meal and the one with Enjolras’s parents. Enjolras is chatting, telling him little things about the family and how he and his auntie Mel used to chat and work things through together.

“She was the first person in my family I told, back in Uni. Ages before I told my parents, because I really wanted… Actually needed to tell someone who wasn’t just a friend. So, she visited for the weekend and I showed up in this blazer Courfeyrac had bought me, and I’d just cut my hair short and I probably didn’t even need to really tell her but I came out with it and she was so lovely. And she tries really hard with everything, she doesn’t just flat out ignore it or go ‘oh sorry but you know you’ve been a girl for _so_ long it’s so hard to adjust’, she uses pronouns and learns whenever she can. And if she slips up she apologises. You know… It’s just nice is all I can say. It’s lovely.” Enjolras rounds the corner to the restaurant, and straight into a rather excited looking woman with a rather more moody looking teenager climbing out of a taxi.

“Maxime!” The woman grins, and Enjolras nearly jumps, but then gives a wide grin.

“Auntie Mel! You’re early.”

“Well I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you.” She tells him as she pulls him into a tight hug. “Let’s get a look at you.” She takes a small step back, a hand against Enjolras’s stomach. “You’re practically glowing. Such a petite little bump. I’m jealous, when I had Nadine I got so big. So many stretchmarks too…”

“Mum!” Nadine protests from behind her. “We don’t need to hear about that.”

“Hey squirt.” Enjolras glances over Mel’s shoulder, at the brunette behind her. She has her arms folded in that slightly sulky teenage manner, twisting her lip in a slight smirk.

“I’m 15.”

“You’re ten years younger than me. You’ll always be a squirt. Now come here.” She pretends to consider it a minute before wrapping him in a hug.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna be a Dad. That can’t be right. You’re just my geeky cousin.”

“Oh come on, I’m starved and was promised food.” Enjolras ruffles her hair.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?” Mel asks, and Enjolras seems to suddenly remember that he’s gotten caught up in seeing them again.

“Sorry, this is Grantaire.” He tells them, and Grantaire holds out a hand to Mel with a grin and a hello.

“Enjolras gets really distracted at the moment.” He tells her and Enjolras rolls his eyes. “He’ll blame it on the baby, he always manages.”

“That actually is because I’m pregnant, the midwife said so!” He protests. Grantaire shoots him a ‘sure’.

“Is this the fa- The other father?” Mel asks, considering him. She looks remarkably similar to Enjolras’s mother, with the same dark eyes and high cheek bones. But her hair is darker, and cut much shorter in a pixie cut. The difference in personality is striking, even this early on. Grantaire holds up his hands.

“Guilty as charged. It wasn’t entirely my fault though.” Enjolras shoots him a look as they head into the restaurant. “Well it wasn’t…”

They get settled in a booth, Mel chatting to the waiter as they walk through. Once they’ve ordered drinks she looks back across to them.

“Maxime has given me a lot of the details but you must tell me everything.”

“I’ve told you most of it.”

“Still! How did you meet?”

“Grantaire comes to my group. When I had the issue with Grandad he was really nice and so we actually became friends.”

“And got more than you bargained for?” Nadine grins cheekily.

“You are too young for that young lady.” Enjolras teases.

“I’m 15.”

“You’re still the youngest.” Enjolras points out.

“Not for long. Soon I’ll be the second youngest by a long way.” She leans back with her coke. Enjolras rolls his eyes.

“When did you get old enough to talk back..?” She sticks her tongue out, and Grantaire decides he likes her a lot. “Anyway, moving on from that subject… We just found a flat together, so we’re settling in there.”

“And the baby?”

“Doing really well, the midwife’s happy anyway. Kicking well…”

“Right now?” Mel asks.

“I don’t think they ever sleep.” Enjolras chuckles. “They like waking up when I’m trying to sleep.”

“That’s just babies in a nutshell.” She holds out a hand, and Enjolras guides it to a spot below his ribs. “They’re a proper kicker aren’t they?”

They chat aimlessly as they eat, catching up, the occasional interrogation of Grantaire, learning new things, all the usual things that you go over meeting someone for the first time. It’s quite a lot of fun, Mel has an infectious personality, and Nadine has a remarkably dry and sarcastic sense of humour that means they get along fine and are ribbing each other by the end of the evening.

“We really must go sweetie.” Mel glances at her watch. “The show starts in 20 minutes. But it was so lovely to see you and catch up, and next time we’re down we’ll have to come by to the flat. I’d love to have a look around. An obviously when this little one arrives.” She places a hand on Enjolras’s bump with a smile.

“I’ll give you a call okay, it was lovely seeing you.” Enjolras agrees, standing to hug them both as they pull on their coats.

“And it was lovely meeting you Grantaire.”

“And the same to you.” He smiles, standing as well. They say their goodbyes, and watch the mother and daughter leave. Then Enjolras turns to him with a smile. “You fancy dessert?” Grantaire asks.

“Of course. Do you like them?”

“No, they’re terrible…” He tells him sarcastically, and gets an unimpressed expression. “Enjolras they’re lovely. I’m really glad you have them.” He catches a passing waiter, and they order a dessert each.

“I do love her. She didn’t think she could have kids for ages, so she was always coming round, treating me and everything. Especially before the others were born, so we were very close. I was so jealous when Nadine was born.” He chuckles. “But then she became like my little sister so… We’ve supported each other through things, like her parents getting divorced or me with realising I was trans. Though she said she basically knew, even if she didn’t know the term for it.”

“I never realised you had such a big extended family.”

“Oh it’s only Mum. She had 2 siblings who both had kids, and a lot of aunts and uncles herself. Dad was an only child like me. And I don’t really talk about them so much, they’re all the ‘come round at Christmas’ and ‘send you a birthday card’ types. We’re not close, and most of them don’t know, or don’t care, that I’m trans. At best. You know, it never comes up.”

“Well it’s just little old me on my side now. It’s a good job we have all our friends to add to the ‘family’. Or for babysitters come to that.” Enjolras chuckles, glancing up as their desserts are brought and saying a small thank you.

They dig in, Enjolras filling him in on a few more details, chatting idly as he takes bites out of the sticky toffee pudding he ordered. He does once lean across to steal a bite of Grantaire’s crumble, which he’s pretty sure has all but denoted them as a couple to everyone else in the restaurant, but he’s nice enough to offer up his plate as well and the toffee and apple complement each other wonderfully so they end up sharing the rest. Now they’re definitely a couple, and the waiter goes so far as to congratulate them as they get up to leave. Enjolras wraps his coat protectively around himself, but thanks him for the well wishes, then even managing to fit in a small explanation as they split the bill between three sources of payment. It leaves the man looking a little bemused, and Grantaire shoots him a shrug and a grin as they leave.

 

 

They finish off buying for the nursery the next week, going to find some extra furniture they need. They’re a little more prepared this time, with a short list of items.

The baby monitor is easy, finding the bath takes a little more time but then they discover there’s a set available with most of the things they need, so they opt for that. The main problem comes in nursery furniture, a cot, a changing table, chest of drawers…

After quite a while of browsing they find a lovely sleigh-ish style bed in cream, with drawer space underneath and the label assures them it can be used as a bed later on. It also tells them that there are matching pieces, so that solves the chest of drawers and changing table in one unit. All that’s left is a changing mat, they find a star one that matches the bedding, and a nappy disposal that isn’t really too hard to figure out.

“I think we’re getting the hang of this.” Grantaire remarks as they pay.

“Not the cost though…” Enjolras sighs. “My parents did offer to buy us something, maybe I’ll take them up on it…”

“That’s only if you’re comfortable.”

“I’ll think.” Enjolras says after a moment. “I think we can manage, it’d just be easier.” He frowns down at the receipt. “I’m just kind of resenting them for the newspaper thing still.”

“Then what better way to get back then making them pay for the furniture?” Enjolras rolls his eyes.

“They wouldn’t care, that’s the problem. I don’t know.” He fiddles with the strap of the bag. “We’ll see how things go.”

“What about Mel, has she mentioned contributing?”

“A little, but that’s like I don’t know, a mobile, or babygro or something. Not an entire cot.” He turns to look up at Grantaire, pulling a face. “It’s not fair to ask her for something that big.”

“No, I know. But she did seem very willing to help.”

“She is, she’s really great. Oh I did forget to warn you… If you leave Nadine will probably hunt you down.” He informs Grantaire casually as they walk down the high street. Grantaire pauses to glance at him with a raise eyebrow.

“But we seemed to be getting on so well! She wouldn’t be that mean.”

“Oh come on, you know she could if she really wanted to…”

“Well, lucky for me I have no intention of leaving. So there will be no hunting.”

“No? You’re still doing okay?”

“No need to sound so surprised.” Grantaire protests, a tiny bit hurt though Enjolras glances at him with actual care in his eyes.

“I’m not surprised. I’m really glad that you are still happy and comfortable. I mean when we first started this I didn’t exactly expect you to run a mile, but I did expect slightly more of a freak out than there was. It’s not a bad thing at all, I just thought I should give you a heads up.”

“Alright, I’ll be very careful.” Grantaire laughs, shifting the bathtub under his arm so it rests better on his hip.

“It’s just that… When she was five her father up and left. Like not even a ‘I don’t love my wife anymore’ divorce. He decided one day he didn’t like being a father, wasn’t up to it and left them both. They haven’t seen him since, and Nadine doesn’t want to at all. So she was just a bit worried when she found out that we were doing this… Well like we’re doing it. I guess it’s a bit unstable maybe. But they called Sunday and we had a really nice chat, and she feels a lot better about it all now. She really liked you, said she got a good vibe or something along those lines. They both thought you were lovely, I guess you could say we have their blessing.” Enjolras chuckles. “Not that it would have made a difference, I know how I feel about you.”

“I’m glad I have your approval oh leader.” Grantaire teases, it comes back to him naturally, even after a few months of being closer, it all but slips out. Enjolras raises an eyebrow at him.

“You really don’t need to keep calling me that. And you must’ve known you did, I moved in with you for goodness sake.”

“Well, I guess sometimes I just have to stop and take a step back because it’s so impressive. I mean we’ve come a long way in these few months. Sometimes I can’t quite believe it.”

“You mean that I’m actually a nice person who has a heart?”

“You said that, not me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for disappearing again last week. I was at a friends until 10 on Sunday and was planning on uploading when I got back, then basically decided on the train I wanted to add the Auntie Mel bit and didn't have enough time to write and edit it and do all my uni work.  
> So it's late, but you get bonus characters? Yes? No? :D  
> Next few weeks are all written so we're back on track I promise  
> Also, Enjolras's first name is Maxime, he just primarily uses Enjolras with his friends because it was the name he used before he changed his


	12. 30-31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Enjolras put that down.” Grantaire says blandly, with barely even a glance up at where Enjolras is half dragging a cot panel.   
> “It’s only wood.” He protests.  
> “Heavy wood.”   
> “Not especially.” Grantaire does look up at him now, with one raised eyebrow, and Enjolras almost pouts but leans the piece against his leg instead. “I was fine.”   
> “Lydia’d kill you if she saw you, and then give you an hour long lecture about heavy lifting, and you know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice big warning for transphobia and cissexism in here

“Enjolras put that down.” Grantaire says blandly, with barely even a glance up at where Enjolras is half dragging a cot panel.   
“It’s only wood.” He protests.  
“Heavy wood.”   
“Not especially.” Grantaire does look up at him now, with one raised eyebrow, and Enjolras almost pouts but leans the piece against his leg instead. “I was fine.”   
“Lydia’d kill you if she saw you, and then give you an hour long lecture about heavy lifting, and you know it.”   
“I’m pregnant, not invalided.” Enjolras mutters. Grantaire stands, taking the panel and propping it against the wall.   
“How about you read the instructions to me, and help with the screws.” Enjolras rolls his eyes when he thinks Grantaire can’t see, but retrieves the instructions and begins studying them.  
“Okay well I can’t read the instructions.”  
“Need your glasses?”   
“They’re pictures.” He tells Grantaire dryly.   
“Well, just describe them then, come on you’re great at coming up with things on the spot.”   
“Yes, because that’s exactly the same.” Enjolras uses the wall to slide into a sitting position, looking less than impressed by the paper in front of him. “Okay we need… The legs and I think those are brackets…”  
That should have been a clue really, the uncertainty, but he still somehow didn’t expect to be here two hours later, with only a base to show for it, digging through the Tupperware container of screws that they’d set up so they wouldn’t lose any – but somehow the very one they need seems to be completely absent.   
“Okay, it’s not in here, I give up!” Grantaire mutters.   
“It has to be, we can’t just leave it out it wouldn’t be safe.” Enjolras fires back.   
“Just give me the instructions.” He’s snappish, but Enjolras holds them out anyway. “It’s a 1 and ¾ inch screw. See those we actually have!”  
“Well it doesn’t look like any of the others.” Grantaire sighs, pushing a hand through his hair. They’re both far too tetchy, and he really shouldn’t have been so sarcastic about it when the instructions are about as confusing as they could be, and Enjolras has done a pretty good job with describing so far.   
“No I know, I’m sorry…”  
“I didn’t expect putting together a cot to be so stressful.” Enjolras smiles, and Grantaire laughs quietly.   
“If I’d realised it was going to be such a pain I think I would have suggested a different one. They should label clearly on the information – ‘poor instructions, may lead to unnecessary stress.’” That gets a laugh, and Enjolras leans back on his hands.   
“Do you fancy some lunch?”   
“Sure, what time is it anyway?” He frowns.   
“About 2, which probably explains why I’m kind of starving.”   
“You should’ve said something.” Enjolras shrugs.   
“I was fine, I only just noticed now we’ve stopped.” Grantaire shoots him a smile.   
“Go on, I’ll just finish up these couple of screws and join you.”   
“Okay, do you want chicken, mushroom or tomato soup?”   
“Uh… Mushroom would be lovely, if that’s okay?” Because knowing his luck he will have picked exactly the one Enjolras has a craving for.   
“That was just the one I hoped you’d go for.” Enjolras chuckles, going to push himself up. “I might need a hand…”   
“Oh… Are we at that stage already?” Grantaire teases, standing up with probably more flourish than is strictly necessary and holding out his hands.   
“Shut up.” Enjolras tries to shoot him a death glare, but it doesn’t quite work when you’re being pulled up by the one teasing you. “Or there will be no soup for you.”

Grantaire wakes up at about 1am, which is surprising considering he spent most of the rest of the day finally managing to assemble the cot and most of the chest of drawers. After a few minutes of lying there he decides to venture out for a drink of water.   
The kitchen is dark, but as he rounds the corner he realises the side lamp is on and jumps a mile at the figure sitting on the sofa.   
“Christ!” His hand goes to his chest. “Jesus Enjolras…”   
Enjolras himself looks rather spooked by his sudden appearance. Grantaire flicks on the light, moving to the sink to get some water.   
“You couldn’t sleep either?”   
“Peanut’s decided they’re nocturnal.”   
“I have no such excuse, my brain’s just an arse.”  
“Well this one’s certainly tossing and turning.” Enjolras sighs, breaking into a yawn. Grantaire sits on the arm of the chair.  
“And the kitchen?” Enjolras glances down.  
“Well knowing my luck I’d probably get hungry before I got to sleep. In fact I was almost bound to, sleep just isn’t a thing anymore… And that’s before the baby’s even born.” He runs a hand over his bump. “They’re already conspiring to keep me up.” Grantaire chuckles.   
“At least we know they’re kicking.”   
“True.” Enjolras smiles, then winces. “Okay that was my rib.” Grantaire places his glass down, laying a hand on Enjolras’s bump.   
“Stop being naughty and hurting Daddy.” Enjolras laughs softly.   
“Hey,” He murmurs. “Why don’t you trying singing to them?”   
Grantaire looks up at him, moving to sit on the sofa properly.  
“I don’t… Sing.”  
“You do. You sing when you cook and you think I can’t hear you.” Enjolras’s smile is kind. “You have a lovely voice. And peanut loves it too.”  
“You sure they’re not just telling me to shut up?”   
“No, they like it.” Enjolras tells him firmly. “I can tell these things. You even come above ‘Ferre in the favourite voice stakes, just don’t tell her that.” He places a hand where there’s a small jab. “Though I admit meetings with her are starting to get a little distracting.”   
Grantaire smiles, slightly amused, laying his own hand over Enjolras’s.   
“Alright, being against Combeferre and all… I’ll sing something.”   
He hasn’t sung in front of anyone in years, bar Jehan who sings so much that it’s hard not to join in. He’s a little lost for words at first, because what do you sing to your unborn child? The answer, at 1am and sitting in the kitchen, turns out to be Danny Boy. He’s not sure where it comes from, but the baby seems to like it, moving beneath their hands. Enjolras rests his head against Grantaire’s shoulder, and by the time Grantaire’s finished he’s drifted off to sleep. Grantaire’s loathe to move him, let alone wake him, so he pulls them both into a lying position, dragging Enjolras’s blanket up with them. It’s not the best night’s sleep he’s ever had – Enjolras is a dead weight in his arms – but it works and Enjolras wakes up the next morning slightly more awake than he has been for the last week, if not a little startled.   
“Sorry.” Grantaire murmurs, a little dazed himself. “You just fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you… I mean I know it’s not been easy these last few weeks.”  
“Oh…” Enjolras blinks, looking down at Grantaire from where he’s sat up, hair ruffled. “I… I must have been heavy.” He says eventually. Grantaire doesn’t push for his other thoughts.  
“It was fine.” He smiles, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “You fancy breakfast?”

~~~

Enjolras has decided to give at least one ante-natal class a go, it’s one for the pair of them on labour and birth as he figured even if it was a terrible experience they’d get something out of it.   
The room they’re in is unassuming, chairs, mats and the like, with couples slowly filtering in. Some are a pair of friends, mother and daughters, but primarily they’re couples. A few seem to know each other and chat idly until the lady leading the session calls it to a start.   
“Mummies and Daddies! We’ve got quite a packed session today. I want to start with a basic run down of labour, then on to some breathing techniques and positions that may help you through. Then we can move on to what birth partners can do to help. And if we have time any questions you may have.”  
Enjolras looks like he regrets his decision as they attention swivels round to them, half way around the circle, as they go through names.  
“Um, hi. I’m Enjolras, I’m currently at 31 weeks. This is Grantaire, he’s my friend, also the father. And, well I guess all of this is rather unconventional but our baby has two biological fathers. So if you could refer to me as male that would, well not just be appreciated but required.”  
“But if you’re carrying your baby then aren’t you in fact a woman?” A lady from across the circle asks. “Pregnancy something that’s only possible for women.”  
“Actually pregnancy requires a uterus, gender isn’t really an issue. Maybe we should just get on with the class and we could talk later.” Enjolras suggests. The teacher seems to agree, continuing the circle of names.   
The class is for the most part informative. Enjolras seems engrossed, though whether that’s a good thing or not Grantaire isn’t sure. He seems fine with the talking through, it’s when things get slightly more physical that he seems slightly more freaked out. He’s tense against Grantaire as they go through breathing exercises. The continuous references to ‘Mummies’ probably isn’t helping, and he exhales shakily. Grantaire gently rubs his shoulders, only partly because it’s suggested.   
Tea and biscuits are offered after, as the teacher answers a few questions. Enjolras’s grip on his paper cup is nearly enough to dent it. Usually he’s outgoing at events, but here he clearly feels like an outsider, so they stay on their own near the small refreshment table. He’s not convinced by the teacher either, who hasn’t given him a welcoming look since he gave his name.   
“But don’t you think that it’s well… It’s not right.” The pair of couples just over to their left are talking just loud enough to be heard. Enjolras’s grip tightens just a little more, like a sixth sense. “I mean for a child to have to be told that their ‘father’ gave birth to them.”   
“I say the whole arrangement’s denying nature.” One of the husbands murmurs. Enjolras’s cup is placed down, he spills his tea over the edge but hardly notices. He looks like he might take a step over.  
“It must almost border on child abuse surely.” At the comment he stops short, at a loss for words.   
“Let’s go.” Grantaire murmurs to him. Enjolras shakes his head, making a purposeful move toward the small group.   
“Hey!” He grins suddenly, and the group jump at his sudden presence. “What a great class huh, it’s so nice to actually meet some other parents to be.” Grantaire nearly smirks as he realises what he’s doing. “I mean we’re the first of our friends, and getting everything ready takes a lot longer than you expect doesn’t it? We’ve just moved into a new flat too so you can imagine… But well, it’ll all be worth it won’t it.” He smiles, and it’s actually genuine for a second. “We’re so looking forward to it, and I think gradually we’re feeling a bit more ready, and these classes are really helping. Oh,” He glances down at his watch. “I do need to be getting on, we have another appointment, but so lovely meeting you. Maybe we’ll see each other again?”  
He turns on his heel before they really have a chance to respond. He grabs his bag from the chair and pulls Grantaire along with him as he leaves.   
“Well, that was interesting.” Grantaire shoves his hands in his pockets.   
“Oh yeah, being continuously misgendered, stared at like I was a freak, having a teacher who looked at me like I’d somehow snuck my way in, oh and the icing on the cake having to tell someone that surprisingly I did love my child. Most interesting thing I’ve ever been to.”  
“That too. Google everything else?”  
“I’m not stepping foot in a place that confirms all the fears I had about pregnancy again.”  
“Do you want to get cake?”  
“Maybe make it ice cream, then we have a deal.”  
They make it crepes, with a good scoop of ice cream each, before their afternoon appointment with Lydia.   
“Just make sure you don’t tell her that you’ve just finished eating a mound of ice cream and sugar.” Grantaire teases, leaning on one hand. Enjolras waves him off with his fork.   
“It has fruit on it, and I’ve just been upset so I’m allowed to comfort eat a little. Blame peanut.”   
“What’s going to happen when you don’t have that excuse anymore?” Grantaire asks in amusement. Enjolras just pulls a face at him, spearing a piece of strawberry.  
Lydia is happy to see them as always, and the entire process has become routine by now. Enjolras looks rather relieved to be lying down, stretching a little.   
“Back ache kicking in?” Lydia asks, measuring his bump carefully.   
“Just a little…”  
“You might want to try a little yoga, anything else, no headaches or anything?”  
“Well I can’t quite breathe but I’m assured that’s normal.” Enjolras chuckles.  
“Baby’s moving nicely too?”  
“Whenever they can it seems. They’re still nocturnal, and in the middle of important meetings seems to be another favoured time.” Enjolras smiles as he pushes himself into a sitting position. “If I stay lying down I will fall asleep though.”  
“How did the antenatal class go earlier?” Lydia starts taking his blood pressure, jotting down a few notes. “Helpful?”  
“Well… They weren’t unhelpful, we’re just probably won’t go back.”  
“That good?” Lydia glances up.   
“Well the teacher looked at us like we’d somehow faked the whole thing to sneak into some sacred women only area. People gossiped. And then someone said me having this baby was comparable to child abuse. So…”  
“That’s understandable, and probably explains why your blood pressure’s a little high, nothing enough to worry about.” Lydia nods. “We can go through a few things in detail at our coming appointments.”  
“Really? I’m not being stupid?”  
“No, the stress wouldn’t be good for either you or the baby, and you wouldn’t be able to learn well in that environment. There are so many sources out there now and we can go through them together and you can look over them as well. I’ll find a few recommended ones for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a bit of a rough chapter, it's always up and down I'm afraid! See you next week for something a little nicer!


	13. 32-33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire has just about finished hanging out the washing when his phone rings. He clips a peg to the other end of the blanket before digging it out of his pocket.  
> “Hello?”  
> “Hey!” It’s Joly’s voice, sounding happy but earnest. “Is Enjolras around?”  
> “No, he’s not back from work yet, why?”  
> “Good. We have important plans to discuss with you.”  
> “Are you going to ask me to join a cult?”   
> “No, that’s for another time. We were all thinking about throwing you both a baby shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of cissexism

Grantaire has just about finished hanging out the washing when his phone rings. He clips a peg to the other end of the blanket before digging it out of his pocket.  
“Hello?”  
“Hey!” It’s Joly’s voice, sounding happy but earnest. “Is Enjolras around?”  
“No, he’s not back from work yet, why?”  
“Good. We have important plans to discuss with you.”  
“Are you going to ask me to join a cult?”   
“No, that’s for another time. We were all thinking about throwing you both a baby shower.” Grantaire frowns, balancing his phone between his shoulder and ear as he tries to peg up a Babygro.   
“Aren’t they supposed to be a surprise?”  
“Well yes, but we need your help… And maybe your apartment.”   
“You’re really not doing well with this are you?” Grantaire laughs.  
“Hey! We’ll set up and tidy after, it just means you two don’t have to lug things back to your place.” Joly sounds like he’s pouting. “But we need you to distract Enjolras to actually set up…”   
“Fine I can manage that, when were you thinking?”  
“Well…” There’s some conferring in the background. “We can all get time off next Saturday.”  
“Are you all there planning?” Grantaire snorts, taking his phone back in his hand and leaning on the railing of the balcony.   
“Well we thought we would before tonight’s meeting.”  
“Mhmm… An actual shower though…”  
“We were all going to give you presents, we just thought it would be nice to actually having a get together. And according to Feuilly someone keeps getting emotional over the baby clothes at the supermarket…” He can hear Bahorel protest in the background and laughs lowly.   
“Okay, I wouldn’t deny him that. I’ll give one of you a key next meeting. And I can just hear the door so I’ll have to see you later.” There’s a hasty good bye and he shoves his phone in his pocket and gets back to hanging washing as Enjolras ventures outside to find him, looking surprised.   
“You’ve been busy.”  
“I had a free afternoon.” Grantaire shrugs. “So I went shopping to get a few things and finally got that baby washing powder so I figured I’d try and wash most of the stuff we got. I may have underestimated…”   
“Is the baby really going to need all of this?” Enjolras frowned at the clothes horses.   
“It’s a baby, they make mess. How was your day?”  
“Tiring.”   
“In what way?” Grantaire asks in concern as he hangs up a final suit and picks up the basket.   
“Well peanut’s been tossing and turning all day.” Enjolras stands aside to let him pass. “So they’ve been squished into my lungs for most of it. I spent a lot of time on my feet too…”   
“You want a back rub?”  
“Would you?” Enjolras flops down on the sofa. Grantaire places the basket down and sits next to him, letting Enjolras lean back a little. He begins rubbing small circles into the small of Enjolras’s back. “I hate public transport.” Enjolras groans. “It just keeps getting worse. Now it’s a continuous stream of ‘you can have my seat ma’am’ or ‘can I help you with that?’ or ‘are you okay there miss?’ Like I’m suddenly helpless now… This just gives me away so much…” He sighs, resting a hand against his bump. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can take another 2 months of this.” Grantaire opens his mouth to respond, even though all the words seems empty. “I know they’re all trying to be helpful, which I guess would be lovely but it’s just so much to take in. To be honest having a uterus was never as much of a worry for me as the rest of it, the curves and… Because those set me out as ‘female’ and now this just…” He sighs, dropping his head back against Grantaire’s shoulder. “It was just a long week with a crappy end.”   
“Hey… It’s okay…”  
“It’s not! It’s every day for the next two months! Like here I’m fine because you know I’m male, and at work I’m perfectly comfortable with the fact I’m pregnant but then I have to go out and it just seems like every little thing is confirming to people that I’m ‘not’. It’s just all hit me.” He mumbles miserably. Grantaire gives up on the back rub and just wraps his arms around Enjolras instead. “I’m worried that I’m regretting it, and that’s horrible…”   
“You’re allowed to feel that way, don’t force yourself into guilt…” Grantaire takes his hand. “You love peanut, that’s obvious. And this… It’s temporary. It doesn’t make it any better but it gives you a goal, something to aim for. Focus on that, on whatever you need.”  
“You don’t think I’m being really shitty?”  
“I think you’re brave. And that all this is incredible. And that you’ve remained so positive, that you’ve got this far without any major hiccups.” Enjolras exhales slowly, closing his eyes.   
“I just need some time out. Just stay here for the weekend and do as little as possible…”  
“Well that can be easily arranged, I mean I can get hold of any junk food you want, and as Jehan will tell you I have the best crappy film collection.” Enjolras chuckles.  
“That does sound good…”  
“I do have work tomorrow though…” Grantaire remembers. “But I am around in the evening.”  
“That’s fine, I could catch up with some work.”   
“Doesn’t that defeat the point of doing nothing?”  
“I enjoy my work!” Enjolras protests. “So it counts in my relaxation time.”  
“You’re a right weirdo…”   
“Thanks.” Enjolras sounds unimpressed, pushing himself up.  
“I didn’t offend you did I?” Grantaire hides a smile.   
“I just need to pee. Peanut flipped over I think…” He pulls a face. “It’s been less than an hour.” He tells his bump with a small poke. There’s obviously a response because he adds “Don’t you talk back to me.” as he leaves. Grantaire chuckles, stretching back against the sofa. 

~~~

“Do you want to go out for a walk?” Grantaire asks after lunch, washing up their plates. Enjolras glances across to him where he’s drying a knife.   
“A walk? Where?”  
“Well we’ve not been across to the park yet. If that’s not too far?”  
“No. That should be fine, I’m hardly unfit. We just might be a bit slower than usual…” Grantaire smiles in amusement.   
“We don’t have to be out long if you do get tired.”  
“I can manage a walk. But I will go and start putting my shoes on now…” He hangs up the tea towel as Grantaire hides a chuckle. “At least it’s a beautiful day.”   
“Yes… Thank goodness.” Grantaire finishes up, following him out into the hall. Enjolras is on a stool leaning down as best he can to pull a shoe on. “You okay there?”  
“I’ll be fine.” Enjolras mutters, eventually pulling on a boot because he can’t be bothered with laces anymore.   
They do get on the walk, eventually, Grantaire really hoping they don’t meet one of their friends on the stairs. They don’t, though he’s sure he sees Bossuet’s car on the corner. Luckily they’re heading the opposite direction. It’s not the longest walk, but Grantaire keeps them there for what he hopes is long enough for the others to set everything up. Enjolras smiles as he walks, admiring the daffodils along the paths.   
“We could bring peanut here, after they’re born. It’d be lovely just walking with the three of us…”   
Grantaire hums his agreement, resisting the temptation to bring their fingers together. He had thought things were going well again, vis-à-vis being platonic, but the thoughts are creeping back in again. He won’t pursue them, of course he won’t with Enjolras none-the-wiser of his feelings and for fear of ruining the moment he keeps his mouth shut.   
Enjolras continues to talk as they walk back past the museum and across the bridge. It’s relaxing to listen to, hearing him much more relaxed now after a week of working primarily in the office, even though he usually hates that work it allowed him more time in comfortable spaces and it was worthwhile enough work. They cross the small roundabout and Grantaire sneaks his phone for a small warning text.   
“You were right, a walk was a good idea.” Enjolras stretches as he waits for Grantaire to unlock the door, Grantaire’s pretty certain he’s stolen his hoodie, it makes something flutter in his stomach.   
“I’m usually right.” Grantaire teases as they take the stairs a couple of flights up, because Enjolras hates the lift with a passion. Enjolras rolls his eyes, actually leaning outside their door.   
“If I could at least have my lungs back I’ll give peanut the rest of it…” Grantaire laughs as he unlocks the door and walks straight into a streamer. Enjolras’s hand goes to his mouth to mask a laugh.   
“What on earth…”   
“Crap we thought Grantaire’d be a gentleman and let you go first.” Joly pokes his head around the door. “I told you that was a bad idea Bossuet.” Bossuet’s head appears above him.  
“It was certain to work…”  
“Why are there floating heads in my house Grantaire?” Enjolras raises an eyebrow.   
“Crap!” Comes Bahorel’s voice. “Guys you’re supposed to say surprise!” He appears below, which is probably hilarious from behind given his height. “Grantaire could you exit and let Enjolras through please so we can do this properly?” Grantaire sighs, stepping aside to let Enjolras through, but holding the streamer aside this time. At this there actually is a loud ‘surprise!’ though it was hardly worth it. Enjolras grins anyway.   
“What is this?”   
“It’s a surprise baby shower.” Jehan explains. “For both of you but we had to tell someone so we could break into your apartment.”  
“You didn’t have to.” Enjolras tells them as he kicks off his shoes and heads for the lounge. The lounge is only slightly more overdressed than the hall, in that it has balloons and a full length banner that someone’s made rather than just the foil ‘congratulations’ one in the hall. “Oh wow…”   
“You work your arse off at the group so we thought we’d give you something in return.” Bahorel tells him.  
“And Bahorel may have bought an entire aisles worth of baby stuff.” Combeferre shoots him a cheeky smile.   
“They shouldn’t make it so cute.” He grumbles.   
“Guys this really is too much…” Enjolras sits on Grantaire’s old mismatched arm chair that doesn’t fit with anything else in the room.   
“Nonsense!” Courfeyrac chimes in. “You’re the first to have a baby but this is going to be a tradition!”  
“Wow if we get this many presents I think the rest of us should get started…” He’s pretty sure that’s Chetta because Joly’s ears go pink. Grantaire perches on the arm of the chair, leaning across the back with a laugh.   
“I think having kids for the presents doesn’t count as a good reason Chetta.” He calls.  
“So getting drunk and having a one night stand is the way to do it?” She fires back. Grantaire doesn’t have a reply for that, so he pouts.  
“Anyway, there are presents yes?” He decides to move on a little. He receives a smirk in return.   
“Cosette, Marius and Feuilly are just in the kitchen sorting out snacks for a little later.”   
“There’s food too?” Enjolras raises an eyebrow. “You guys have gone all out.”  
“It’s a big event. Of course we were going to spoil you both.” Courfeyrac grins, looking slightly giddy with excitement, Grantaire would bet money he’s one of the primary planners.   
“You said you wouldn’t start without us.” Cosette protests as she pokes her head around the door, holding a plate of sandwiches.  
“They arrived back early.”  
“Don’t worry, it wasn’t a big ‘surprise’ anyway, so you didn’t miss much.” Grantaire reassures her. “I walked into the streamers.”   
“Oh… Then we should get this properly started, I’ll go grab the other two.” She places down the plate of sandwiches – it’s definitely not one of theirs with its oval shape and floral border – and disappears out again to return with her boyfriend and Feuilly in tow, all of them with plates with various goodies and a pot of tea. Cosette places down the tray and begins enquiring about drinks whilst Feuilly lays out the cakes and biscuits.   
“This is really too much.” Enjolras comments, thanking Cosette for a mismatched cup and saucer of tea.  
“No, it’s been fun! We’ve had great fun baking and decorating last night with Feuilly.”  
“Mostly.” Marius comments. “Apparently I’m only to be trusted with smoothing icing not actual decorating.”   
“You’re clumsy darling, last time you made biscuits the dots didn’t even go right.” She smiles fondly, leaning down to kiss him before she settles. “So, presents?!”   
“Mm, let me just eat something. I’m at the hungry all the time stage.” Enjolras leans to take a couple of sandwiches. “Let me check, what’s in these..?”  
“Jam, ham and cheese, salmon, and cheese and tomato.” Enjolras pulls a face at the idea of tomato, despite being a large craving at the beginning of the pregnancy he’s gone off uncooked tomato massively. He selects a ham and cheese sandwich, then opts for a jam one as well, leaning back to nibble them.   
“Which one should we start with, any volunteers?” Courfeyrac asks.   
“I think ‘Ferre’s should go first. Because she wouldn’t tell me what she bought.” Bahorel suggests.   
“Alright, on that wonderful persuasion I’ll go first.” Combeferre smiles in amusement, holding out a box to them. Enjolras takes it, looking intrigued as he gives it a small shake. “It’s a little breakable.”   
“Oh, sorry…” He peels the edge of the wrapping paper, then gives up on being neat and pulls it off to reveal a machine. Grantaire studies the packaging as Enjolras turns it over.   
“It’s a little odd but it’s a noise machine, apparently they can really help babies sleep during the first year. And there’s a night light too. You can customise the noises.” She smiles, but looks slightly embarrassed.   
“This is the most you present I could think of.” Enjolras smiles. “Thank you.” Also found within the box when they open it to investigate are a set of dinosaur themed baby gros that make Enjolras burst out laughing as he pulls out about 3 in bright colours and various sizes.   
“Mine next.” Bahorel volunteers, holding out a gift bag with his free hand, the other balancing a small stack of biscuits. Grantaire chuckles, taking it from him. He digs through a little, finding several tissue wrapped presents, most of them squishy.   
‘Bahorel made the mistake of going into the Disney store.’ Feuilly signs to him with an amused look at his housemate. Grantaire hands Enjolras one of the parcels and begins unwrapping a particularly squishy one.   
“Oh wow…” He laughs as a bright orange Tigger romper emerges from the wrapping paper, complete with hat. “That’s actually adorable.”   
“What do you have?” Enjolras asks, looking across. “That is ridiculously adorable. But not quite as adorable as this.” He holds up a Dumbo baby comforter and Grantaire may make a slightly embarrassing noise.   
“There’s more you know.” Bahorel prompts.   
Between them they dig through the bag, finding several more character rompers and outfits. Feuilly holds out their gift next, in a small box, looking nervous. Grantaire carefully lifts up the lid, then pulls out the mobile. It’s handmade, hot air balloons made out of baubles in a four different colours, with baskets hanging below.   
“Oh it’s so lovely.” Grantaire grins, then places it down so he can sign to Feuilly. ‘I love it, it’s beautiful.’  
‘I thought it would match the nursery.’ Feuilly smiles. ‘There’s something else under.’ Enjolras digs under a layer of tissue and pulls out a grey cardigan, with sheep lining the bottom edges. ‘I just couldn’t resist…’  
‘Now who’s getting soppy?’ Grantaire teases, and Feuilly pouts.   
“Here’s ours.” Cosette passes across a box and a parcel. “I’ll admit the box is more for Enjolras…” Grantaire hands it across, and Enjolras lifts the lid to reveal an assortment of toiletries for the baby, as well as a few other favourites of his, and some essential bits and pieces.   
“Oh thank you, but the coffee is a little mean don’t you think?” Enjolras teases.   
“Cosette’s other gift makes up for it.” Marius tells him. Grantaire tugs at the wrapping to reveal a patchwork lion, in various different textures and fabrics, with a mane of multi-coloured ribbons, some silky some velvet. “See?”  
“Well we did ask, you definitely delivered.”   
Next Musichetta nudges the rather large parcel on the ground toward them, which is reveal to be a rocker/bouncer for the baby. They’d not even thought about getting one, but somehow their friends had found one that was not too extravagant, but managed to look adorable with the option of small hanging toys.   
“This is too much…” Enjolras tells them, looking up.   
“Nonsense!” Bossuet tells them. “It’s from the three of us and we knew there would be certain things that wouldn’t be a priority. That’s what these baby showers are for.”   
“Still…”  
“No, you’re accepting it and in return we get first dibs on cuddles.”  
“Fine…” Enjolras smiles, knowing when he’s beaten. “Thank you.”   
“And there’s this from me.” Joly hands across a wrapped present, though the paper might say happy birthday. “It’s like you asked for.” Grantaire finds several pieces of knitted clothing in creams, handing each across to Enjolras as he finds them. There’s a pair of trousers with braces, a little jumper, a cardigan with leather buttons, scratch mitts, a pair of booties and a little hat.   
“This is more than we asked, they’re gorgeous.”   
“Ze’s been knitting in front of the TV every night, studious little thing.” Musichetta comments. “Impossible to distract zem.”  
“We made do.” Bossuet teases his girlfriend while Joly raises an eyebrow at the pair.   
“We saved the best for last!” Jehan announces, passing across a gift bag.   
“Why is it heavy?” Grantaire asks in amusement.   
“Open it and see.” Courfeyrac tells him. Grantaire places the bag on Enjolras’s lap for him to open, but Enjolras hands him the first heavy present.   
“I think that’s one you’ll like.” Grantaire muses it, shaking it lightly before he opens it.   
“Oh, an impressions kit.”   
“I was right, it’s arty just for you.” Enjolras leans against him a little to view the box. “I wouldn’t have even thought of this.”   
“We know.” Courfeyrac raises an eyebrow teasingly, then grins. “Open the rest.” Enjolras lifts out a tissue papered parcel, peeling of the sellotape to open it. He pulls out a small cream dress, with a wide border of carts of flowers around the skirt.   
“Oh… But we said we weren’t doing really gendered pieces, we don’t even know the sex let alone the gender.”  
“That’s why you’re supposed to open both.” Jehan tells him. Enjolras digs out the other one and opens it up to find another outfit, this has a shirt and tie with a small knitted vest over the top and dark blue trousers to match. “Because you can dress them in both!”  
Enjolras chuckles.  
“Oh I see… Are you sure you didn’t just get distracted?”  
“No…”  
They pause to nibble sandwiches and sweets, chatting away as Enjolras and Grantaire examine some of their gifts.   
“We did have a little quiz planned.” Cosette begins, once the cakes have been sufficiently demolished.   
“She means she and Courfeyrac have a quiz planned.” Joly cuts in, sipping a cup of tea.   
“Fine… But it’s only if you guys want to play it.”  
“What is it..?” Enjolras asks suspiciously.   
“Well.” Courfeyrac moves over to sit on the arm of the chair next to Cosette. “We ask you a question and you both answer and see if you get the same.”  
“Okay… What kind of questions..?”  
“You’ll see.” He grins, handing them both paper and pens.   
“Goody.” Enjolras raises his eyebrows at Grantaire with an amused look. Courfeyrac has cards with the questions on, and looks probably far too excited.  
“How did you tell Grantaire?”   
‘In an argument.’  
‘He shouted at me.’ Grantaire writes with a grin at their matching answers.  
“It’s just so you two…” Jehan sighs.   
“Most common craving?”  
‘Crisp sandwiches’   
‘Anything starchy.’ Grantaire writes, then glances at Enjolras’s. “Mine still counts. That is carb on carbs.”   
“Fine, I’ll give you it.”   
“Food you went off of?” Enjolras muses it a while before giving his answer.   
‘Bananas’   
‘Prawn Cocktail Crisps’   
Enjolras looks across to Grantaire’s paper.  
“I’d forgotten about that, technically they’re my most common craving and food I went off of.”  
“How on earth does that work?” Chetta asks.   
“They sound amazing, I’m really in the mood for them, but eating them still makes me feel nauseous. Unlike curries, which the smell really puts me off but the taste is still incredible.” He laughs. “I never realised cravings would get so weird.”   
“Speaking of weird, what was your weirdest craving?”  
“Oh this might be embarrassing…” Enjolras pulls a face.   
“Be truthful. Just so long as it wasn’t something like coal or soap…” Jehan teases.   
“No it was edible… It was…” He scribbles. ‘Cheese, marmite and honey sandwiches’ He looks slightly sheepish.   
“Now that is odd. Grantaire?”  
“I have the same.” He grins, holding up his sign. Enjolras turns quickly to look at him.   
“How did you know, I thought I’d hidden that pretty well!”  
“We live together. It’s kind of endearing, don’t worry.” He nudges him with a smile, Enjolras twists his lips in a pout in return.  
“Alright, next question.” Courfeyrac announces with a flourish. “How long did you get morning sickness for?”  
’17 weeks.’ Grantaire writes.  
’20, give or take.’ Enjolras holds up.   
“Seriously?” Grantaire frowns.   
“Not proper sickness, just nausea. That’s what I was counting.”  
“That you did hide well…”  
“I had a few months of practise.” Enjolras teases.  
“When did the baby first kick?” Comes up next.   
The answer is easy to remember, and they both hold up the same 22 weeks/13 January, though he’s amazed that Enjolras remembered so precisely.   
“Wow, I am impressed.” Bahorel comments.  
“It was the day Grantaire asked me to move in with him.” Enjolras explains. “Peanut seemed quite keen to go along with it…”  
“Bloody hell, they’re too cute. I can’t take it anymore.” Bahorel groans, flopping across Feuilly, who pats his head.   
The game continues for a few questions more, mostly fun ones. Potential names is one, and neither of them actually have any proper ideas so they don’t match at all on that. Enjolras doesn’t even give any names, just ‘something neutral’. When they finish everyone begins finishing off the last nibbles over another round of tea, they don’t leave until gone six so dinner comes a little late, Grantaire cooking as Enjolras lays out the various clothes they receive on the table.   
“Remind me to tell everyone how lucky we are to have them.” Enjolras comments.   
“You do realise they already know, you told them enough times today.” Grantaire teases with a fond smile, Enjolras always frets over his friends knowing how valued they are. It used to hurt a little, but now he knows it probably applies to him too.   
“Then I’ll tell them again, by letter or something. It’s hardly going to hurt to let them know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice chapter today! And an extra long one. Just as well, I'm afraid I'm away for the next two Sundays and won't have access to my laptop, so there won't be updates for two weeks. But, at least I remembered to tell you this time! :S :L


	14. 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras still isn’t convinced by waiting rooms, but then Grantaire doesn’t think he’s ever going to get used to them. He always looks just on the wrong side of uncomfortable, folder in his lap so his fingers can drum, and he always wears something even more oversized than usual. The amount of congratulations he keeps getting from old ladies, and mothers with toddlers, and basically anyone they meet who want to talk is steadily growing. And today it seems like everyone is delighted for the ‘happy couple’. He all but jumps up when Lydia appears at the door.   
> “Morning you two, and how are we both?”

Enjolras still isn’t convinced by waiting rooms, but then Grantaire doesn’t think he’s ever going to get used to them. He always looks just on the wrong side of uncomfortable, folder in his lap so his fingers can drum, and he always wears something even more oversized than usual. The amount of congratulations he keeps getting from old ladies, and mothers with toddlers, and basically anyone they meet who want to talk is steadily growing. And today it seems like everyone is delighted for the ‘happy couple’. He all but jumps up when Lydia appears at the door.   
“Morning you two, and how are we both?” She grins, ushering them into her office.   
“Good thanks, everything feels like it’s going well.”  
“Your blood tests say the same you’ll be pleased to hear.” She smiles, gesturing to the bed. “Now I’ve booked you in for a longer session so we can talk about labour and the birth, a few things that the ante-natal classes would have gone over too. But if we just get the usual out of the way, and I’ll give you your second anti-D injection, then we can get started on that.”  
It’s all pretty routine by now, measuring, testing, being poked with needles. Enjolras rolls his sleeve back down as he sits on the chair next to Grantaire, sighing.  
“Is that the last needle?”   
“For now, we’ll have to discuss your hormone replacement post-pregnancy. Shashi told me you’d been on gel before, which we don’t recommend with young children around because of the risk of them coming into contact with it. But anyway, that’s a discussion for another time. For now let’s discuss the matter of labour. Now you haven’t mentioned you’ve experienced any Braxton-Hicks, well not anything that you’ve thought it worth commenting on.” Enjolras shrugs.   
“Nothing’s hurt no.” Enjolras asks, only slightly sarcastically   
“You might yet get them, but they should be pretty irregular, and go away if you move around. Comparatively actual labour-“  
“Hurts like hell?”  
“A little. Now listen, this session and the next one we’ll be talking a lot about things that might make you dysphoric, so we can stop whenever you want if you need some time out. Okay?”  
“Yeah.” Enjolras smiles. “Thanks for the heads up.”   
“I’ll get into it properly then?”   
“Go ahead.” Lydia smiles that wide smile she has that makes them both feel better.  
“Alright then! Labour will probably be a little irregular at first, more crampy. You might be able to work through it even. Contractions’ll be lasting about 30 seconds or more but they’re likely to be over half an hour apart at first. Gradually they’ll get a bit stronger, closer together. You need to give me a call either when your waters break – which could be a big rush or more of a trickle – or if they get to five minutes apart, because we’ll be getting closer to the actual birth then. Before all that you’re likely to have had a ‘show’ – which is just the mucus plug coming away. It should have a little blood in it, anything more than a pink tinge I want you to call me.”  
“What other… What else will happen?” Enjolras asks cautiously.   
“You might experience some backache too. It’s best to keep moving at the beginning, you might want to take a bath, have a massage, it’s good to have something to eat and to keep hydrated too. And depending on time, you’ll probably want to sleep or have a nap before things kick off. And of course, breathing exercises! Shall we?”   
Enjolras starts the session looking more than a little self-conscious at the entire idea of doing this in front of them both, one to one. It’s unsurprising, even Grantaire’s finding it more than a little intense, keeping eye contact with Enjolras as they breathe together. He imagines when this is actually happening it will seem a lot less awkward.   
When this actually happens…  
He’s not sure what hits him but something does and his grip tightens on Enjolras’s hands momentarily.   
“I thought I was the one pretending to be in labour?” Enjolras smiles, trying to break a little of the tension. Grantaire chuckles, but it comes out slightly too rushed and breathy, and he focuses on the counting even more as Lydia tells them to try a different position.   
“Alright, I think we’ve been through most of what I want to go through.” Lydia tells them after a while of practical and talking things through. “Do you have any questions for me before we say goodbye?”  
“Not that I can think of.” Enjolras frowns, looking across to Grantaire who barely notices. “My mind’s gone completely blank…”   
“That’s okay, we can talk more in a couple of weeks.” Enjolras nods, looking reassured. “I’ll see you at 36 weeks then.” Lydia grins, standing up to show them out.   
They’ve got their Wednesday routine pretty down pat by now, so Grantaire can go through it on auto pilot. Enjolras picks somewhere for lunch, because his list of ‘no’ foods changes most days, then they do a quick food shop. Grantaire pushes the trolley, while Enjolras reads the list and they divide the shelves between them depending on what Enjolras can reach – or most often what he won’t admit but Grantaire knows he can reach. He partly zones out, so doesn’t notice at first when Enjolras says something to him.  
“Grantaire?” Enjolras repeats, moving slightly toward him. “Are you okay?”   
“Huh? Oh… Yeah I’m fine, just going over the appointment.”   
“Okay… I just wanted you to grab that pasta for me. It’s a little low.”  
“Oh! No yeah of course.” Grantaire does the action more hurriedly than is necessary, making sure to place all his focus back on Enjolras’s voice.  
“I was beginning to think you were just enjoying watching me struggle…”  
It becomes harder, once they get home, to keep his mind off what’s impending. He’s not entirely sure why it’s only just hit him, the idea that in a few weeks he’ll actually be a father. Not in the sense of now, where he’s known for months that there’s going to be a baby, but actually having that baby there needing him, relying on him.   
And Enjolras. Sure the pair of them have been relying on each other more recently, just by virtue of living together, but Enjolras is going to be vulnerable, he’s going to need support, a much more intimate support than he’s ever had to give.   
“I have a bit of work I need to finish off, can I leave dinner up to you?” Enjolras asks and Grantaire nods, slightly blankly, with a noise of affirmation. The other man pushes himself off the sofa and goes to retrieve his laptop, leaving Grantaire completely alone with his thoughts.   
It had all seemed so far away, something he could prepare for, but now he finds that he hasn’t really prepared at all. Yes they have pretty much everything they need but mentally he’s nowhere near that level.   
The dinner he cooks is simple, quick, because he just needs to get out of there. He calls Enjolras into the room, where his portion is sitting nicely at the table, and doesn’t even come up with an excuse.   
“I need to head out.” He’s become far too good at faking his way through this. “I’m really sorry, but I’ll be back later.”

Courfeyrac answers when he knocks on the door. It shouldn’t be a surprise by now, given that the pair live together, but it’s still odd after years of coming to Jehan’s and sitting just the pair of them for hours to have someone else there.   
“I’m guessing you’re looking for Jehan.” He says as he steps aside. Courfeyrac always looks like he’s ready to listen, no matter what. So Grantaire manages a small smile through his slight panic and follows him into the main room.   
Inside is still painfully Jehan, but Courfeyrac is gradually creeping in. Jehan’s making something that’s probably edible, but may also just be some kind of clay for his classes. They glance up, and can almost immediately realise something’s wrong. So they pull dough off their fingers, stick the bowl in the fridge and make their way over, wiping their hands.   
“What’s up?”   
“Do you want me to leave you to it?” Courfeyrac asks, already looking like he’s preparing to pack up his work.   
“No it’s fine.” Grantaire waves him back as he sits down. “I think I need a drink though.” Jehan considers him for a moment, chewing the edge of their nail.   
“No. You’ll be alright.” Grantaire knows they’re right, but it doesn’t stop the pang. He’s itching for a cigarette too, for the first time since he and Enjolras moved in together. He’d practically quit before this all happened anyway, just smoking the odd day, so actually giving up properly hadn’t taken too long but now his fingers itch for something to do, hold. “What’s wrong?” Jehan coaxes gently as they sit beside him.   
“I just- Everything’s suddenly hit me. There’s only… A month left and, I just don’t know if I can do all this. Not yet.”   
“What can’t you do?”  
“Be a father! I’m useless. I still work at a bar, I haven’t got a stable income from my ‘real job’. I don’t know how to… I don’t know change a nappy, feed a baby… Even just holding them I’m bound to do wrong. And Enjolras, how am I going to support him! I’m supposed to be helping him through all this, I mean the birth… The new stage… Just… I can’t.” Grantaire scrapes his fingers through his hair. Jehan gently takes his hand in their own, holding it between soft fingers.   
“Yes you can. I know it’s scary, I know it’s a big change but I also know you. And I know you can do this, just seeing how you interact with Enjolras and peanut. You love them, and when the time comes you’ll be ready. Every new parent gets anxious, it’s a perfectly valid way to feel.”  
“They keep saying that.” Grantaire mumbles. “But I really…”  
“You’re not giving up on this.” Courfeyrac tells him, perched on the arm of the sofa. Grantaire glances up, nearly forgetting his presence. “You can’t. When ‘Ferre and I first found out we chatted with Enjolras about it all. His body’s always been such a source of discomfort we wanted to make sure he was really going to be okay with it all. He told us that he hadn’t been, he was almost completely sure when he first found out that he wasn’t going to keep it. Then you both went to the doctors. And you helped him, you talked to him and reassured him and made him feel like he could actually do this, that he could be strong enough to do this. And he told us about Halloween, when you took him out and helped him through and how you’ve looked after him when none of us even knew anything was wrong. He’s grateful Grantaire. He’s strong, you know that, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t always need some support that he won’t admit he sometimes needs.” He sighs. “Basically what I’m saying is you’re there worrying about all the technical stuff, but you’re already there on all the emotional bits. And that’s what’s important.”   
“Mm…” Grantaire chews his lip.   
“You can learn all the rest, you’re already a natural at caring.” He smiles. “I think Enjolras said… ‘He’s so damn negative all the time I know when he says something good it must be true, because he must actually believe it.’ Or words to that effect.” Grantaire manages to raise an eyebrow at that.  
“Thanks…”  
“Well, I don’t want to see you throw this away. Besides, if you do I’ll have to actually hunt you down and that just sounds like a pain…”  
“Now…” Jehan pats his hand. “I’m not giving you alcohol, but I can offer cookie dough. Unless you need to keep talking?” Grantaire shakes his head, slightly shell shocked. “You’ll be great Grantaire. You love this baby don’t you?” At a nod he smiles. “Then you can make it work. You can look things up, make the mistakes first time parents do, whatever you need. And you’ll have all of us there to help you too.”

Grantaire makes it home just after 10, rather more drained than he’d like, but possibly having been cuddled nearly half to death by Jehan and Courfeyrac while watching some ridiculous re-run with the bowl of cookies that Jehan had been making.   
Enjolras is still in the lounge, reading glasses perched on his nose, head buried in a book. He glances up as Grantaire enters.   
“Oh you’re back, I thought you’d been a while. Well, I thought it was work.” Grantaire pauses, trying to find the words, or any words to tell the truth. He’s not sure he can, because Enjolras needs him, he needs him to be strong. But then…  
“No I just… I had a bit of a freak out.” He admits after a few moments, because Enjolras is watching him with those worried eyes, the ones Grantaire used to think were only reserved for friends. “I just needed some air and someone to talk to and I went to Jehan’s. And Courfeyrac’s I guess. I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s sorted.” He’s supposed to be reassuring, but he knows he repeated that too many times to actually make Enjolras believe it. Enjolras nods slowly, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes before he pushes himself up.   
“Are you… Upset?” Grantaire asks quietly, carefully.   
“No, I’m not. Not at you. I’m not upset, I’m not angry. I just wish you could have told me when you started getting worked up. I… I want to be able to help you, you’ve been so good to me over these last months and I just want to be able to repay you somehow. I know Jehan is your friend, and I’m not saying everything has to come to me, or any of it. But if you start feeling freaked out, or worried again when I’m here then… Please tell me, so I can try and help too.” He looks up at Grantaire. “What got you so worried?”  
“Just… Everything hit me.” He says, because after all this he feels like maybe he can for once. “I don’t know how to do anything… I didn’t think I could ever be prepared and then… I just screw up everything. I’ve never manage to do anything right and I’ll just… Ruin it. Like I do with everything I touch.” He mumbles miserably.   
“Look at me.” Enjolras takes his hands. “You are not a screw up, you’re one of the best friends anyone could ask for and I honestly couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but you.” Grantaire makes a small dismissive noise. “No, Grantaire.” Enjolras places his hands firmly on his bump, holding them there with his own. “Look, you made this. This isn’t wrong, this isn’t bad. This is beautiful. This little baby is part of you, and they’ll be perfect. You won’t ruin it, you won’t screw it up. Because I know you, I know what you’re capable of. You’re kind, caring, wonderfully artistic and imaginative, and you love this baby. And that means you can do anything.”   
The baby shifts beneath his fingers, a small foot kicking out against his palm. Grantaire exhales a shaky breath, dropping his head onto Enjolras’s shoulder with a small sob. Enjolras’s arms come up to wrap around him tightly, one hand carding through his hair.   
“We can do this, because we’re doing it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's good to be back! And writing properly again, why does inspiration always strike at the most inopportune moments?
> 
> Anyway! Sorry for the break and for the sadder chapter on my return, it's all ups and downs!


	15. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s about half an hour into the meeting that Grantaire realises there’s something not quite right with Bahorel. He’s shifty, checking under the table, in his bag. Of course he’s not actually going to tell Enjolras that would be no fun, especially when he stops his righteous fury mode which only seems to have intensified recently, and notices what’s going on. He’ll probably be last.

Jehan pulls him aside when he arrives at the meeting, with a look of concern on their face. There aren’t many people here yet, so they stand just outside the door.  
“How’re you doing?” They ask, as Grantaire leans, sipping the cider in his hand.  
“Uh… Well better. Better I think.”  
“Yeah?” They smile, touching his arm.  
“Mhmm. Enjolras and I chatted and he was great about it. So we’ve been reading through the books and going over things a little more.” Jehan nods, squeezing his shoulder.  
“I’m glad, I hate seeing you so down.” A pause. “Especially over something I know is so important to you.” Grantaire sighs, looking down at the foam in his glass.  
“I don’t even know why it all got to me all of a sudden. I’ve had six months to prepare myself, figure stuff out but at the appointment I just… Like being hit by a car or something. Just… I don’t even know, I didn’t even freak out that badly when Enjolras told me though I guess we can put that down to shock…”  
“Sometimes these things don’t have any clear reason, maybe it was just a build-up.”  
“Maybe, still. I’ll work through it. I can do that for them both.” Jehan smiles, and opens their mouth to say something more but they’re interrupted by the arrival of Bahorel and Feuilly, definitely late and in somewhat of a rush. Bahorel still manages to pause to clap them both on the shoulder and say a hello and Feuilly shoots them a smile that says they know they’ve interrupted and signs a hello. Jehan shoots him another questioning look.  
“Do you want to head in or take that drink elsewhere?”  
“No that’s fine, we’d better head in. I think it’s an important one.” He takes Jehan’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “Thank you.”  
“Hey, what are friends for?” Jehan wraps an arm around him as they head back in. They settle in the two remaining seats, between Courfeyrac and Enjolras who looks like he’s itching to start. He doesn’t comment like he would have done in the past, no quip about them having somewhere better to be, and Grantaire thinks maybe he’s realised what those little breaks and late starts were for. He settles back in his chair, shoots him a smile and picks up his drink to sip it as he listens.  
It’s about half an hour into the meeting that Grantaire realises there’s something not quite right with Bahorel. He’s shifty, checking under the table, in his bag. Of course he’s not actually going to tell Enjolras that would be no fun, especially when he stops his righteous fury mode which only seems to have intensified recently, and notices what’s going on. He’ll probably be last.  
There’s a gradual wave around the room, Feuilly obviously notices first looking bemused and rolling their eyes. Next Bossuet starts looking shifty, and Joly glances over and has a moment of surprise that’s suspiciously directed toward zir boyfriends’ crotch. Then Chetta follows suit, nudges Cosette, who alerts Marius. From there Courfeyrac catches on, and therefore Jehan who’s leaning on his shoulder. Grantaire’s pretty sure Combeferre has a sixth sense about these things, so the fact she’s watching the room with an amused smirk doesn’t surprise him. When Enjolras turns to ask some one’s opinion, a whole 30 minutes after the saga started, he’s honestly shocked to find that everyone’s eyes are directed elsewhere.  
“Anyone want to tell me what’s going on..?”  
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Combeferre smiles in amusement. “But Bahorel seems to be the source of the problem.”  
“When isn’t he?” Grantaire heckles. Bahorel sticks up a finger at him, twisting his lips into a grumpy pout. “It’s true.”  
“Bahorel?”  
“Uh…” The question is answered by the appearing of the most ‘I will fuck you up’ expression on a cat Grantaire has ever seen. Two unimpressed green eyes, basically telling you they’re done with whatever shit you’ve just pulled, and a set mouth set in a grey tabby face underneath a notched ear.  
“There’s a… How the hell was there a cat in here for most of the meeting without me noticing!?” Enjolras sounds legitimately put out and at least 5 people around the table snigger, but the rest flat out burst out laughing. “What?”  
“Enjolras, you are the least observant person I know.” Combeferre tells him as the man sits down with a sulky pout.  
“Well a cat is hardly what I’m looking out for.” Said cat has hopped up on the table, confidently investigating the various papers spread out in front of them.  
“What is the story here then?” Grantaire asks, holding his hand out to the cat, who sniffs it then begins nibbling at his fingers gently. “And is this normal?”  
“Oh very, he likes fingers.” Grantaire raises an eyebrow, but tickles the cat under the chin anyway.  
“Story?” Enjolras prompts.  
“Feuilly and I have adopted a cat.”  
“Good to know you’re finally settling down.” Bossuet teases. Bahorel ignores the comment.  
“So we went along to the shelter to drop off some cat food and this guy is there doing all these little tricks on his bar and we-“ Feuilly nudges him, pointing at Bahorel. “I… Couldn’t leave him. So that’s how we ended up with Rocky.  
“The cat suits you perfectly…” Courfeyrac comments, leaning on his hands. “He looks so done with the world.”  
“He’s a right sweetheart though, football is his favourite. We’re trying to lead train him too.” Feuilly raises another eyebrow that says ‘you’ but doesn’t comment.  
“This still doesn’t explain how he ended up here.” Jehan points out, scratching his ears, Rocky arches up against their hand, with his eyes closed he looks much more content.  
“Well that’s an interesting story. I hadn’t realised-“  
‘I had.’ Feuilly interjects.  
“Fine… But Rocky naps in bags. So we get half way here and there’s a wriggling and suddenly this guy’s head pops out and I’m like okay… But we were running late so I couldn’t drop him back-“  
“Please tell me the landlord knows he’s here…” Enjolras groans.  
“I’m getting to that!” Bahorel protests. “We’re nearly here so I figure I’ll just bring him along, he’ll probably sleep or something, no bother. So when I get the drinks I leave Feuilly with the cat and explain the situation to Mike and he’s really cool with it as long as he stays back here and is house trained. And he’s asleep anyway but then he… Well he woke up and went exploring.”  
“When did you get him?” Cosette asks with a smile that says she might take the cat home with her.  
“A couple of weeks ago. We wanted to get him settled before we introduced you but… Well Joly knew.”  
“How?” Chetta asks, elbowing her partner.  
“Ze was coming round and I thought it would be polite to warn zir in case zey were allergic!”  
“I’m not, thankfully.” Joly grins. “Because I wouldn’t have been able to resist this one.” Rocky has grown bored of exploring the table, clambering onto Bahorel’s shoulders to perch and survey.  
Grantaire leans back in his chair to where Enjolras is watching the scene with one raised eyebrow.  
“How’re you coping with a cat upstaging you?”  
“It’s kind of nice?” Grantaire mimes falling off his chair, clutching at his heart.  
“Nice! What have you done with Enjolras?”  
“Well it is… It’s hard to explain but since we told everyone about the pregnancy there’s been a lot of focus on that. From everyone, mostly strangers to be honest but... I know it’s not intentional but suddenly everything is about ‘this’ even if people are trying to be nice. Like asking me if I want to sit down, telling me not to do that, eat that, what’s the baby doing, how am I feeling?” He looks back across to the cat as it makes its way along Bahorel’s arm to Feuilly. “It’s nice to have something else for everyone to think about for a while.”  
“Huh… I hadn’t actually… Thought of it like that.”  
“No it’s fine! I didn’t expect you to realise, it isn’t a problem most of the time. Just sometimes it seems like it’s all anyone cares about.”  
“They do value you, completely. And that might not help when everyone does seem very focused, and I can see where this is coming from, but… Okay I’m bad at this.”  
“No, you’re not. You just don’t want to overstep the mark. Which is nice, usually it’s a lot of ‘oh no! That’s not true at all, why would you think that?!’ You know, it can be hard to unlearn that as an automatic thing. I mean I know they all love me, and they don’t mean to focus but the distraction’s really great right now.” He leans back a little with a stretch. “Though I guess it is going to be a bit of a main focus from now on isn’t it?”  
“Well, I guess it’s a big change. But you know, we have each other and our friends. Other parts don’t have to change so massively. Like work and whatnot. I mean you’re never going to be dragged away from that.” Enjolras shoots him a look.  
“I think my own baby might be able to drag me away. I mean morning sickness did, for the first time ever.” He’s distracted by the arrival of Rocky to check him out, turning his head to one side. “Hello...”  
“Oh come on, he wants to say hi.” Grantaire grins, scooping the cat up and plonking him on Enjolras’s lap. “And to peanut too.” Enjolras raises an eyebrow at the cat, who mews at him, standing with his front paws on Enjolras’s bump to get closer to him. Enjolras holds out a hand for him to sniff.  
“Is this our latest member?” He asks, scratching him under the chin. “Will he be coming to rallies?”  
“He might make you more approachable.” Courfeyrac teases, and Enjolras shoots him an offended ‘oi’. 

Grantaire’s improving again, it’s taken most of the week to get there but he is. Enjolras keeps an eye on him, he can tell, but it’s reassuring. They cook dinner, do the washing up, things continue on as normal. Once or twice they’ve fallen asleep on the sofa together, or else ended up sharing a bed when Grantaire’s mood swung back to low on Sunday. But this time he told Enjolras, in the middle of a painting he paused and fell a little. And Enjolras had made him his favourite dinner and put something ignorable on TV and they’d talked until Enjolras had started yawning and told him that, if he needed someone, he was welcome to sleep in his bed. So they’d slept opposite each other, and Enjolras had edged closer in his sleep in that way he does, though Grantaire had slept very little, placing his focus on the movement of Enjolras’s breaths, a hand on his side. Peanut was having one of their quiet nights, the ones that Enjolras says he prefers but secretly he always worries a little.  
Today they’ve decided to be productive, or as productive as they can be given that it’s chucking it down outside and honestly you’d probably get soaked through the second you step outside. Grantaire therefore declares that today is a day for pancakes and sets to work making a batter while Enjolras watches in amusement from a bar stool. He layers one up with chocolate spread as Grantaire makes the next, then pauses.  
“Do we have any salted crisps?” Grantaire turns to raise an eyebrow.  
“You’re not serious?”  
“It’s a legitimate thing! Come on…” Grantaire mock sighs and digs in the cupboard, chucking a packet at him. Enjolras makes a small noise of satisfaction, placing a line of them down the centre before he rolls it up. “Much better.”  
“You are such a weirdo...”  
“I blame it entirely on peanut, they’re going to have the weirdest taste in sandwiches.” Grantaire shakes his head in amusement, rolling up his own pancake, nibbling it occasionally as he focuses on the pan. “So, other than pancakes and not stepping foot outside the door do we have any plans for today?”  
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Grantaire pokes the edges of the pancake as it bubbles. “I guess we could finish all the nursery stuff, washing and folding and putting away. That sounds dull as hell actually, ignore that.” Enjolras leans on one hand, watching him.  
“I actually think it sounds like a good idea. We can put some music on, tackle things a bit at a time, we only have to do it once.”  
“Well, so far.” Grantaire chuckles, but he likes that Enjolras agrees. Recently being able to actually do things, to be helpful, has been as useful to him as anything else.  
They finish up a few more pancakes between them, and opt for not getting dressed before they get started. There’s a load of washing in the dryer now, and they’ve managed to put the sheets on the crib and put together the rocking seat the trio bought them and find proper places for a few of the other gifts. Grantaire’s unpacking a box he’d brought from his old flat, full of some of his old books, when Enjolras comes back in with a stack of freshly dried clothes.  
“What did I tell you about lifting?” Grantaire asks. Enjolras dumps the basket down on the floor and pulls a face at him.  
“It’s not heavy.” He tells him, slowly crouching to sit on the floor next to Grantaire – and he knows Enjolras will regret that later. “What’ve you found?”  
“Nothing special, they’re just some of my old books from when I was a kid.”  
“Yeah?” Enjolras pulls a couple out. “Mog? I remember these…”  
“I had the whole set.” Grantaire tells him, fondly. “My parents thought they weren’t suitable for me but my grandparents rescued them and kept them at their house. They even bought me the last one, even though was probably too old for them then but… I always liked them. And they made me want to draw and create new characters.”  
“That’s good. You have such a talent, it would have been a shame if you’d not continued it.”  
“I was lucky I had people who encouraged me so much.” Grantaire smiles, slipping the books into the bookcase. He rescued it from his home, only a basic thing, but with a bit of DIY and some cream paint it matches the rest of the room nicely. Feuilly’s donated a few books too, that they’ve picked up from various book sales and charity shops.  
“Why don’t you read one?” Enjolras suggests, as he’s prone to do when he realises how important something is to someone.  
“Seriously, you’re going to be sick of these by the time the baby’s one, let alone however much longer they want them to be read.”  
“Ah well, one more won’t hurt then.” Enjolras leans back against the wall. Grantaire rolls his eyes with a chuckle, but pulls the first book off the shelf and settles next to him, so he can better read to peanut as well. It only takes a couple of minutes to read the story, and Enjolras runs a hand over his bump with a fond smile as Grantaire finishes. “They like Mog.”  
“Good, I think I can cope with reading that a few times over.”  
“Mm… You know we uh… We haven’t actually discussed baby names.”  
“Please tell me that’s not come into your head because you like ‘Mog’ as a name.”  
“No, of course not.” Enjolras pulls the basket of clothes toward him to begin folding them on his lap. Grantaire holds out his hands for them, beginning to arrange them in some sort of order to put into the drawers later. “But I was just thinking… I mean do you have any preferences?”  
“Well… What surname are they going to have?” Grantaire asks, after a moment’s consideration.  
“Shit.”  
“You hadn’t thought about it had you?”  
“No… I don’t know… We could double barrel?” Grantaire can feel his face light up at the suggestion.  
“Really?”  
“It’s your baby too.”  
“Yeah but… We’re not together, wouldn’t it be weird?”  
“I don’t think so. Which way round?” Enjolras ponders, bringing his hand to his chin to lean so he ends up looking almost comically serious.  
“I’m going to go grab some paper…” Grantaire chuckles.  
He arrives back to find Enjolras finishing up the folding, keeping the piles he set mostly organised into sleepsuits, Babygro’s, some less everyday pieces, etc.  
“I’ve decided which way works better.”  
“Shoot.” Grantaire says as he settles back down, leaning against the side of the chest of drawers. Enjolras picks up a stack of clothes and tucks them into the large bottom drawer.  
“Grantaire-Enjolras.”  
“Sure..?”  
“It sounds better that way around.” Grantaire smiles, slightly thrilled for some reason, it’s arbitrary that it sounds better but he can’t help it. He notes it on the paper. “What names do you like?”  
“I always kind of liked Sophia but… Well it’s very traditionally girly.”  
“Write it anyway.”  
“Grandad was a Leslie…” Enjolras considers it, then nods. “What about you?”  
“Leigh?”  
“I did know a Lee...” Grantaire says as he makes a note.  
“Okay, Jamie.”  
“Jamie’s good. Robin?”  
“Like the bird?” Enjolras teases, and Grantaire shrugs. They go on like this for a while, shooting names across, Grantaire making a note of all of them, trying to categorise a little. Enjolras finishes placing all the clothes in various drawers and moves across to sit next to him, examining the list. They’ve begun clearing a few by now. “Georgie works better as a nickname.”  
“True… I’m ruling out René.”  
“To be fair that’s only a family name… Bailey’s is the drink I’m sorry.” Grantaire chuckles and puts a line through it. “What are we down to?”  
“Leslie, Jamie, Casey-“  
“No, not Casey, they’re not a Casey.”  
“You’ve not met them yet.” Grantaire teases. Enjolras pulls a face at him.  
“Well I just know.”  
“Fine then… Leslie, Leigh, Jamie, Erin, Alexis, Céleste, Robin, Joselyn, and… Harper.”  
“Hmm…” Enjolras sighs. “I didn’t realise it would be so hard. “I mean, some of those obviously won’t work with the surname, and then there’s the question of middle names.”  
“Don’t you think the surname’s long enough?” Grantaire teases.  
“We’ll see. I really don’t know right now though.”  
“Well, so long as we have ideas we both agree with then we can wait until the baby is born and see what they suit. How about that?”  
“That’s about the only thing we can do. I can tell you no’s but no definite yeses yet.” Enjolras frowns at the list. “Do you think you do just ‘know’ when you see them?”  
“Well, probably not straight away but there must be something to give you an idea. Otherwise this is going to be impossible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rocky is based on a cat from my local paper, I can't get the picture to work here but you can find him here: http://chatteringbluemagpie.tumblr.com/post/142589998728/complications-are-the-spice-of-life-35  
> I just saw him and was like yup, Bahorel needs this cat
> 
> Speaking of names I've never given you theirs!  
> Enjolras is Maxime, he uses it at work and stuff but still uses Enjolras around friends because he used it for so long before he changed his first name :)  
> And Grantaire is Farrin (He hates it). The rest are thus far nameless


	16. 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How are you feeling about this appointment?” Enjolras asks as they sit in the waiting room, it’s quieter today, the move into spring meaning less sniffles and less Grantaire feeling like they’re going to get sick just sitting here. Enjolras, therefore, feels more inclined to talk without fear of drawing attention to himself.   
> “Me? I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”  
> “Doesn’t mean I don’t. Last time we were here you had massive anxiety for the rest of the day. So I thought this time I would check.”   
> “That’s really considerate of you, but I am honestly fine. Working through everything over the last couple of weeks has been helpful. So yes I’m still nervous but it’s definitely not you know… Crying level.”

“How are you feeling about this appointment?” Enjolras asks as they sit in the waiting room, it’s quieter today, the move into spring meaning less sniffles and less Grantaire feeling like they’re going to get sick just sitting here. Enjolras, therefore, feels more inclined to talk without fear of drawing attention to himself.   
“Me? I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”  
“Doesn’t mean I don’t. Last time we were here you had massive anxiety for the rest of the day. So I thought this time I would check.”   
“That’s really considerate of you, but I am honestly fine. Working through everything over the last couple of weeks has been helpful. So yes I’m still nervous but it’s definitely not you know… Crying level.” Enjolras smiles wryly.   
“Well good, just talk if you feel you need to.”  
“I will, I will. Don’t worry so much.” Enjolras seems to be restraining an eye roll as a lady walks in with a baby in a sling. She smiles kindly, and the baby looks around with wide, curious dark eyes. Grantaire waves slightly and they grin.  
“Oh she likes you…” The lady chuckles. “Normally she doesn’t smile that wide for anyone but daddy.”   
“Oh… Well she’s very sweet. What’s her name?”  
“Adeona, but we all call her Addie.”   
“Hello Addie.” Grantaire grins again and gets a gurgling laugh.   
“When is yours due? Oh here I am being rude, I’m Thema by the way.”  
“Enjolras, and the gooey one is Grantaire.” Enjolras smiles, though he’s wary. “And… Actually a month today, May 13th.”   
“Oh getting close. I remember that time, I was all nerves.”  
“I think I’m more nervous than he is.” Grantaire interjects, surprise flickers over her face but she keeps the happy smile.   
“You’re getting to the when will it be over stage?” She guesses and Enjolras chuckles.   
“A little. I mean I know I should be enjoying the last weeks, and I do love being so close but… Well you know all the delights, little things you miss being able to do like… Breathing?”   
“Oh yeah… And the rest. I had all sorts, if it’s on the list I was probably down here asking for something to help. They are worth it but god at that point…” The pair share a laugh, and Grantaire pretends he’s more focussed on the baby than how relaxed Enjolras is for the first time in this room. “And everyone wants to tell you how to do everything.”  
“Huh, yeah… More than a little. Especially as we opted out of classes, which everyone takes as failure.”   
“Well they’re not for everyone.”  
“The information was great, the being told I was doing something tantamount to child abuse was not.” Shock flickers across Thema’s face, mouth opening slightly.  
“No… Someone actually said that?”   
“Well when you’re a man doing this suddenly there’s a lot less camaraderie.” He shrugs slightly awkwardly. Addie is beginning to get restless, so Thema undoes the sling as she talks.   
“Well, to be quite frank they’re… Twats. For want of a better word.” She jiggles the baby on her knee. “Well from someone on her first time and 6 months in if you need any advice… Well I’m happy to give you my number.”  
“Really? Just we’re the first of our friends and with everything else…”  
“Oh no, it’s no trouble! I was only the second and that advice was a god send. Hang on, do you mind holding her?” She holds out Addie to Enjolras who pauses for a moment, before he takes the baby in his arms, smiling.   
“She’s a sweetheart isn’t she?”  
“Oh she is now yes, she’s on her best behaviour.” She finds a notepad and pen in her bag, and notes down a number and her name. “You wait to we get home.” They continue their chat for a few more minutes, Enjolras bouncing Adeona on his knees.  
“May I?” Grantaire asks, holding out his hands to Addie as she looks to him, Thema nods.   
“Get some practise in.” Grantaire takes the smiling baby who immediately grabs his hair.   
“Hey, hey. No pulling.” He says as he disentangles the tiny fingers. “I know it’s fun but it’s ouchy…” Enjolras watches with a fond smile, because he thinks Grantaire’s too distracted to notice but he does, and it warms him a little.   
“You’re a natural.” Thema comments, glancing around from her focus on the conversation. “My husband takes forever to get her to let go.”   
“Well, it looks like we are getting friendly in here.” Lydia appears through the door, smiling at the scene.   
“Oh, hi.” Enjolras looks up.  
“I would say I’m sorry I’m running late but it looks like you’re getting along just fine.”  
“Very well. Thema this is Lydia our midwife.” He says as he pushes himself up.   
“Nice to meet you.” Lydia smiles.   
“Grantaire you are going to have to give the baby back…” Enjolras comments with an amused grin.   
“Unless you want to take her for vaccines, I wouldn’t mind if you’d take her for that. I’m terrible with them.”   
“Unfortunately I have some important information to learn. So though I do loathe to say goodbye…”  
“Well give me a call.” She grins, taking Adeona back, the baby gurgles happily. “I’d love to keep in touch.”   
“Yes, us too. We’ll call.” Enjolras smiles. “Probably at 3am going why won’t they sleep?! But we will call.” Thema chuckles, standing to hug him. They head into the office with Lydia who gestures to the bed.   
“Usual stuff today plus some chat too, so it’s another double session. But first I’m going to have a little feel to check baby’s in the right position. There is still time for them to turn but it’s good to establish in case we need to think of contingency plans. So… May I?”  
“Go ahead.” Enjolras reclines back, lifting his shirt to his chest so Lydia can gently feel around his bump. “Are they completely the wrong way around?”   
“Actually… I think they’re behaving.” She comments.   
“There’s a first, though it does explain all the feet being stuck in my ribs at 2am…” He muses. Lydia chuckles.  
“You want to have a listen to the heartbeat?” Enjolras lights up, so she takes it as a yes and goes to find the Doppler. “Still lovely and strong, and low down which confirms my thoughts. Looks like they’re getting nicely in position.” She withdraws to finish up a couple of other bits and test Enjolras’s blood pressure. “A little low, so make sure you’re not standing for too long and are careful getting up. But your sample is clear so we can move on to our chat. You mentioned you might… Try breast-feeding?”  
“Chest.” Enjolras says, then starts again. “I’d prefer it to be referred to as chest-feeding, I’m not fond of my upper torso being referred to so I think it might be easier.”   
“I can say chest, especially if it’ll make you comfortable. Basically I’d like to cover a few ‘first day things’, but maybe we could start with that?” Enjolras chews his lip but nods.  
“Okay, go ahead.”

Grantaire watches as Enjolras books them in for the next appointment. He looks concerned, far more than normal, as the receptionist scrolls through times and offers them a 2 o’clock.   
“Sure, yeah, that’s great.” He nods, but doesn’t manage a smile. The folder is held tightly in his arms. Grantaire makes a decision.   
As soon as Enjolras looks round to him to leave he holds open the door and steers him, not in the direction of the shops but towards home. He briefly considers the tube, given the distance, but decides the barrage of ‘ma’am’s’ and ‘Miss’s’ won’t help in the slightest. So they walk, and Enjolras looks up at him with a questioning look.   
“Don’t we need to do a food shop?”   
“We have enough to last until I can go out tomorrow. This afternoon I am setting aside for a grievances session.”  
Enjolras pauses.   
“A what?”  
“Okay that’s not entirely the right word. A worries and concerns afternoon?”   
“Okay…” Enjolras frowns, not looking entirely convinced.   
“Well, it’ll allow us to get things off our chests and work through them. I thought it was you who wanted to talk through things more.” He teases. Enjolras looks like he’s resisting rolling his eyes as he chews the inside of his lip.   
“Alright. Should we get some lunch first to take home?” Grantaire makes a sound of agreement, looking around for somewhere to buy some food. Enjolras nods to a small café they’ve not been to and pulls him across the road to it. Inside they pick up a couple of slightly pretentious but delicious looking sandwiches that Enjolras ums and ahs over for a while before picking his. Grantaire grabs a coffee too, because it smells too good in here not to, and Enjolras gives him a slightly pouty look as he sips it.   
“You could’ve had decaf!”   
“That’s not quite the same…”   
They make it back to the flat and Grantaire finds out a couple of plates and some drinks and they settle in the lounge.   
“Mmm…” Enjolras sighs contently as he takes a bite, trying to avoid the cheese escaping down his chin. “Okay this was worth it.”  
“Happy over there?”   
“It’s all about the little pleasures.” He takes a couple more bites, leaning back into the sofa. “Okay, what were you thinking with this… Grievances afternoon?”  
“Well… We obviously both still have some worries, personal or otherwise, about the coming weeks. So I thought maybe it would be worth taking the time to go over them together rather than stewing individually. That’s what I’ve always been told to do and I’m honestly crap at it but if we could work through it together…”  
“Maybe we could actually sort some things out?”  
“Basically. If you want we could start small..?”  
“Like?” Enjolras frowns, nibbling a crust.   
“Well, I personally am worried I’ll manage to screw up putting on the nappy. I’m bound to put it on backwards or something.” Enjolras chuckles, and nods.  
“Okay… I’m kind of worried the neighbours are going to hate me after… Yeah.” He smiles wryly and Grantaire can’t help but laugh quietly.   
“I’m worried I might manage to leave them on a bus or something equally as stupid.” Enjolras raises an eyebrow, but looks amused at the concept.   
“I… I worry that I won’t know if they’re eating enough.” Grantaire nods thoughtfully, noting it down in his head.   
“I worry I won’t know what they want, why they’re crying.” Enjolras looks down at his sandwich now, but he’s obviously growing more confident with the serious worries he’s got going on because his next comment takes things up a little.  
“I’m kind of scared I’ll have to go to hospital. And how that would affect me, if Lydia couldn’t be there or something.” Grantaire reaches across to gently squeeze his shoulder. “And… I’m worried that chest-feeding will make me too dysphoric to actually be able to do it.”   
“Oh…” Grantaire realises. That’s what had been affecting him so much today, he should have realised really. Enjolras’s chest has been more than a small source of discomfort for him over the previous weeks. Enjolras nudges his sandwich on his plate.   
“I know everyone keeps telling me that I don’t have to do it if it’s too uncomfortable but I’d like to try. I’d like for our baby to have that. I mean I’m going to be producing milk anyway so I might as well actually make use of that for some of the time at least but… Well I know I won’t be able to do it in public, I wouldn’t be able to cope with so many strangers- I mean I’m not even sure I’d be comfortable with our friends seeing that so… But what about here? Will I even be able to- Today made me worried enough let alone the real thing!” He sighs in agitation, placing his plate aside.  
“You…” Grantaire begins, but finds himself knowing he’s vastly underqualified.   
“I know I’ll just have to… Work through it. See what happens and go from there. And I know I can pump and that will mean they can have milk in the day as well because… Well I can’t feed them in public and I can’t go and do it in the men’s toilet can I?! I’ve been stuck having to avoid all public toilets except neutral ones for the last four months for fear of someone bullying me out so I can hardly go in there and get my chest out can I! And well, let’s be honest I don’t want to be feeding our baby in a toilet. So pump it is, but I can’t do that all day long so I may as well feed them ‘properly’ when I can I just… I can’t think right now.”  
“Do you want…” Grantaire pauses, then opts for just holding his arms open. Enjolras shoots him a small smile, then leans into him with a long exhale. He leans his head on Grantaire’s shoulder and wraps his free arm around him. Grantaire rubs his arm and rests his cheek on Enjolras’s hair and just holds him. Because sometimes that’s all you can do, hold tight until they’re ready to talk whether that’s in five minutes or five hours. Enjolras sniffs.   
“God I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” He mutters, wiping the corner of his eyes more roughly than needed.   
“There’s nothing wrong with you. This is just a stressful time and it’s more well… Complicated than most.”  
“Still… It’s not worth actually crying over. Especially because I know you were really anxious recently and you probably still are. I mean you just told me all the worries you were having-“  
“And, when I was really anxious I had a cry. So, if you need to cry then feel completely free. You have quite a few excuses.”  
“And you?”  
“I’m alright. Honestly, I am plenty fine to let you talk about your concerns.” Enjolras sighs, pushing himself upright again to reach for his drink, wiping the corner of his eye.   
“Alright, there was one thing I wanted your input on. Something that won’t make me cry because it won’t help anyone and I just can’t think about all of this right now without… Getting dysphoric.”  
“Okay.” Grantaire doesn’t push, when Enjolras wants to talk things through he will. Pushing him now will only make him more stubborn. He already looks embarrassed by his outburst, focussing on sipping the orange juice in his glass. “Shoot.”  
“Well… When the baby is born how were you thinking of referring to them?”  
“Huh… I honestly hadn’t thought about it.”   
“Well I was, after we chatted about names. I don’t want to put any expectations on them but I also don’t want to other them before they’ve found their own identity.”   
“Enjolras you’re hardly going to put gender roles on our kid based on their genitals, you must realise that.”   
“But others will. I mean say our baby has traditionally ‘male’ genitals if he’s our son then there are expectations and if he didn’t live up to those… Well I know how much it hurt me when I didn’t match up to the female expectations placed on me.”  
“Then they can stay our child, no sons or daughters.”   
“That was my best thought… And… Well I was thinking about pronouns, well mainly the binary vs neutral pronouns. I’ve liked using they, and I was thinking about continuing using it but maybe alongside others.”  
“You mean a binary one?”  
“Maybe, until they can tell us otherwise. I just don’t want people to call social experiment and get all suspicious and pushy and… Well put all that on our baby. Not the eye rolls and question after question. When they’re ready to tell us, whenever that is, we can edit and alter and everything else will be neutral but… Well I’ve just been reading up and asking and personally I think it’s what I’d prefer.”   
Grantaire leans back a little, against the sofa, going over the many points Enjolras has made as he takes a mouthful of juice.   
“Okay.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. Being friends with the group has really opened my eyes up to the issues of childhood and I like the idea of ‘child’ and neutral parenting but when you put it all like that I can see why full neutrality might not always work, especially outside that circle.”   
“Like my parents.” Enjolras mutters. “They’ll be all about their little grandson or daughter. No matter what we say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We go up, we come down again, only a little this time. Important talking and making new friends! I'm not sure where Thema came from but suddenly she and Adeona appeared and I was like well then!   
> See you next week :D


	17. 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want you to go.” He tells Enjolras, because it’s been bugging him all week, on and off. It’s completely irrational, he knows that, but it plays on his mind over and over until he feels like he might burst. So he allows the words to slip over his lips. He knows it was a mistake as soon as they do.  
> “Excuse me?”  
> “I don’t… Want you to go. To the lecture tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of dysphoria, disordered eating and anxiety

“I don’t want you to go.” He tells Enjolras, because it’s been bugging him all week, on and off. It’s completely irrational, he knows that, but it plays on his mind over and over until he feels like he might burst. So he allows the words to slip over his lips. He knows it was a mistake as soon as they do.  
“Excuse me?”  
“I don’t… Want you to go. To the lecture tomorrow.” Enjolras places a hand on his hip, tea towel still between his fingers. “You’re 37 weeks pregnant, anything could happen.”  
“Grantaire I’m not an invalid. I still have three weeks until my due date, do you expect me to just stay in the flat for all of them?”  
“Well no…”  
“You remember what I told you when we started this? I told you not to be a mother hen, yet here you are fussing over nothing! There’s no reason for me not to go. I’m perfectly capable. And besides, this event has been booked for months.”  
“Since before the pregnancy?”  
“No. But it’s not like things are imminent. And you know how much my job means to me.”  
“More than this.” Enjolras actually folds his arms at this, and Grantaire chews on his lip. He hates it, hates hitting a nerve.  
“Of course not! But peanut isn’t here yet. And it’s just a lecture, there’s nothing dangerous about it so stop talking like I’ve suggested going sky diving tomorrow!” Grantaire focuses on the mug in his hand with more intent than needed.  
“I just… I worry about you. I know how much public transport exhausts you at the moment and what a worry things can be and… I guess it’s mostly an excuse, the 37 weeks thing. I just don’t want something to happen tomorrow that would be upsetting, like some transphobic arsehole. And I know it’s an event all about gender but… There’s always one…” He doesn’t want to say that he wants to protect him, so it goes unsaid, left in the back of his mind. Next to him Enjolras sighs, leaning on the counter.  
“I know, I know there is. That’s been my life for years. I know you want to get me away from unnecessary stress but you can’t. If something happens it happens. It doesn’t mean I like it, but if I lived by thinking about what might happen I wouldn’t be able to leave the house. You know, I wouldn’t even be here not like this. And I need to do this, it’s important to me that kids hear my story, our friends stories, know that that support is there. And this might make things harder but hey, it’s another opportunity to educate, that’s how I’ve got to see it.” He glances across, and Grantaire doesn’t want to look up. He knows he overstepped, and even if Enjolras understands it still wasn’t his place to start an argument over it. “You can’t wrap me in a protective bubble, and you can’t wrap peanut in one either. You’ve just got to work as best you can. Otherwise you’re going to worry yourself to death.” Enjolras nudges him.  
“You’ll be alright? It’s a long day.” That gets an eye roll.  
“It’ll be a nice change of pace. Come on, if there was anything wrong or if I had any doubts you know I’d tell you. If you’re that worried why don’t you come?”  
“But it’s not my place, you and the others should be doing it.”  
“You can come and give out cards and information. I think it would help you stop worrying so much, God knows you need to.”  
“Over active imagination.” Grantaire shrugs slightly.  
“You’re better though?”  
“Currently.” Enjolras nods, reaching across to take a plate from him.  
“Come.”  
It takes Jehan and Feuilly, who come by the next morning to grab the stuff for their stall, to actually persuade him to come.  
‘We could use an extra pair of arms.’ Feuilly points out. ‘Bahorel can’t make it so you can help us set up the stand.’  
The pair are hard to say no to, with a mix of practical and emotional reasoning he ends up on the tube, leaning on a pole with a box of leaflets under his arm. Joly, Combeferre and Courfeyrac meet them there, having already found their little stand in the hall. It’s a day event at the university, organised by the LGBT and feminist societies with a focus on various issues. There are stalls, a few lectures, and various activities being set up around them. They finish hanging up their posters, laying out leaflets and information and a few freebies from workplaces just before the doors open.  
From there it’s a morning of talking, handing bits and bobs out and listening to the people that come through in small waves. Grantaire mostly hangs back, restocking anything that needs to be, doodling a couple of things.  
“I’m doing a talk in a moment.” Enjolras tells him as he sits back to grab a bite to eat, leaving the others to head the table. “Do you want to come?”  
“I… I don’t know.”  
“I think you should.” Enjolras offers, sipping his water. “If it would interest you.”  
He’s never been known to be able to say no to going to one of Enjolras’s meetings, since he and Jehan first went along to one a few years ago now, so he ends up at the back of the lecture theatre, trying to look discreet as people filter in and Enjolras shuffles papers.  
“Hey everyone.” Enjolras begins once everyone’s settled in the small theatre. It’s reasonably busy, especially considering it’s a Saturday. He has a presence that makes people listen, even those who had shared a few shocked or intrigued mutters as they came in. “I’m Enjolras, and, well it’s hard to keep this one hidden so this is Peanut.” He gestures to his bump. “It’s actually Peanut who’s inspired me to come and chat to you today, or what I’m going to talk to you about. And that’s bodies.  
“There’s a concept that you’ll find whenever you look up what transgender means. And that’s that Trans people are born into the wrong body. Many of you I’m sure will know that’s untrue. Obviously some, including myself, there is a lot of dysphoria surrounding the body we were given at birth. For others that’s simply not the case. One of my friends in fact, who I’m sure you’ll be able to chat to later spent years thinking they couldn’t possibly be a trans man because they liked ‘feminine’ things, they liked certain clothes, they liked flowers, they didn’t mind that they had a slight figure or a feminine face. And that hurt in a different way, it hurt because people on both sides wouldn’t believe them when they said they were male. Because you ‘can’t’ be okay with those things if you are. That obviously opens up a whole new debate that I can’t get into right now, but feel free to come chat after.” He smiles. “For myself my teen year were rather different. Well for a start I didn’t even know you could be transgender, so I spent puberty not having a clue why I hated my body so much. I knew I hated it for bleeding, for filling out on my hips, and well especially when suddenly I had some semblance of breasts that suddenly marked me out as a ‘woman’. But I didn’t know why, so I tried to delay things, I wore the baggiest clothes I could find, I’ll admit I began eating smaller amounts because that meant I couldn’t fill out more. And now you’re all thinking if my body is such an issue why get pregnant which is the most feminine my body could probably ever look.  
“If I’m going to explain all this I’ll have to be completely honest. When I first found out I thought there was no way I was going to go through with this. I woke up one morning with this feeling of… dread. That something wasn’t right with my body. I’d been on T for a few months by that point, so I didn’t think much of it when my periods stopped. In fact it was a delight to be honest. But then I started waking up every morning feeling nauseous, for the first time I was actually taking days off work because I couldn’t make it. I didn’t want to take the test, the whole idea was making me feel so anxious that I’d added another layer of ill on top of my morning sickness. So it took nearly 5 hours to actually take it, and then I kind of left it. I wanted it to go away, and I thought if I didn’t find out maybe it would. Which sound very stupid. Eventually I… Manage to build up the courage to look and there was these two tiny lines. I still didn’t believe it, I took 3 more but it kept coming back positive.  
“He actually doesn’t know this… But I almost didn’t tell the father. Not when I did. I almost went straight to the doctors to give up on the whole thing. But it just came out, I literally just blurted that I was pregnant.” Enjolras pauses, sighing. “I’m glad I did though. Having his support through the first few months, before I told anyone else, was invaluable. He told me, when I was in the middle of breaking down in a doctor’s appointment, that he actually thought it was cool that I could do this. And that if he could swap places he would. I’d never thought about my body like that before, as I’m sure many others haven’t. But since I’ve started talking to others who have been through this it seems to be something that comes up. I’m a man who can have his own children, who can carry them inside me. And as I’ve been chatting with people they’ve said their partners have told them similarly, that they would love the experience.  
“It’s not easy, but actually now I’ve got this far I almost enjoying my pregnancy. Even though it does keep me up being able to feel my baby kick, not just by placing a hand on my bump but actually inside me is incredible. Knowing I can do that has almost helped me come to terms with my body. There are still things I want to change, there always will be, but at a basic level.  
“I told someone recently I could cope with pregnancy, fundamentally, except for how feminine it’s seen as. With my friends I’m still Enjolras, I’m still me, I’m still male. Outside, now it’s more noticeable, I’m marked as female. Even my parents see this as an admission of femininity, not that I expected anything less. It’s an odd balance. Some days I’m happy to correct people who I know mean well, others it’s getting harder. Certain comments always get to you more, some people get personal.  
“I guess, I’m just trying to say that everything’s what you make of it. There’s no set of rules on how to be male or female or non-binary. Being pregnant hasn’t made me less of a man. Not minding your body, even if people say you should, doesn’t make you less trans. Like something that’s not seen as traditionally masculine or feminine doesn’t make you any less your gender. If I can help even one person today who doesn’t think they’re something enough then I’ll be happy.”  
He continues the speech a while longer, then takes questions, smiling all the while.  
When the room empties and they’re left with just the pair of them Enjolras ends up looking almost awkward, certainly more uncomfortable than he had standing in front of a group of people and talking about his personal feelings.  
“I uh… I thought you deserved to know.”  
“About?” Enjolras makes a small noise of frustration.  
“The fact I nearly gave up on this whole thing without telling you. Everything has been so, well… Good, I felt a little guilty that I thought at all that I wouldn’t share this with you. That I almost… Took that away.”  
“Oh… Well I guess that didn’t really surprise me… Especially when I saw how much the beginning stressed you out. That just wasn’t what I took from your talk.”  
“Huh…” Enjolras pulls a face. “And here I am making declarations for nothing.”  
“Well, not for nothing.” Grantaire pushes himself up. “You got it off of your chest, and I am glad you can be so honest about things, even the not so pretty bits of the whole thing.” He holds open the door for Enjolras, who nods his thanks.  
“Honesty is important to me. If you can be honest with others they feel like they can be much more honest with you, open up more.”  
“True, you’re good at that.” Enjolras smiles a little, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and he instead rubs his back. Grantaire offers him the seat as they reach the stand again where Joly is chatting to a student while Jehan and Combeferre have a debate off to the side, but he shakes his head, going to ask Courfeyrac about the afternoon. Grantaire settles back to his doodling, drawing a few sketches of the people at the tables around them as he listens to the conversations his friends are having.  
He’s found himself far more relaxed than he expected to be, watching Jehan chat with a girl who’s come over to ask a few questions. But his eyes wander back to Enjolras every now and then, at the end of sketches. His back still seems to be bothering him, but he keeps moving rather than sitting down, turning to Combeferre to ask something about leaflets for the man he’s been talking to. It’s then Grantaire sees him actually wince, as he finds the leaflet and resumes his conversation with the man. Something flickers in his mind, and he puts down his notebook to move closer to Enjolras.  
“Can I borrow you a minute?” He murmurs, causing Enjolras to jump a little. Admittedly he probably didn’t realise Grantaire had seen him, but he nods and gives a small apology to the man, directing him to Combeferre. Grantaire leads him just outside, then thinks better of being in the corridor and ducks into a small classroom.  
“What on earth’s the matter?” Enjolras asks, sitting on the edge of a table.  
“I hope you’d tell me.” Grantaire prompts, and gets a blank look. “Are you okay?”  
“Yes..?”  
“You’ve been pulling faces. I just saw you wince…” Enjolras gets one of those ‘oh’ looks on his faces as what Grantaire’s asking dawns. “You’re not..?”  
“No. No!” Enjolras is quick to reassure him. “It’s Braxton Hicks.”  
“How can you tell?” Grantaire asks, perching next to him. “I thought you said they weren’t painful.”  
“They’re not, usually. They’re just sort of… Tight. Todays are just a bit worse but that’s normal, though I kind of hope they scale down a little again… But I’ve had literally three all day, and just walking through to here has helped.”  
“Really..?”  
“Yes! If anything happens or I thought anything had changed I would tell you. But until then we’re both fine, just moving along like we’re supposed to. Don’t worry.” Enjolras reaches across to squeeze his hand. Grantaire smiles slightly.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t want you to come today.”  
“I get it, I’ve noticed how your anxiety works. You like being proactive and being able to be in control. I didn’t take it personally.”  
“It doesn’t excuse me being an overprotective arsehole.”  
“Well… No. I’m just trying to tell you that I know why you did it. And that perhaps I understood why.”  
“It won’t happen again.” Grantaire promises.  
“Talk through it, next time. Talk me through why.”  
“I will, but I’ve already dragged you away from the fair so… If you’re feeling alright?” Enjolras nods, with a small smile.  
“They’re crampy but honestly I’ve had far worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there! I wanted to show the group doing what they do best, because there's been a lack of that thus far


	18. 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're about halfway around the park when Enjolras pauses as he speaks, screwing his face up in a surprised expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for labour and birth

“I wasn’t expecting you back so early.” Grantaire comments as Enjolras dumps his bag in the living room.  
“I finished my work, so my boss suggested I take a part day.” He sighs, flopping on the sofa with him. “To be honest I think she’s just worried I’m going to have the baby at my desk.”  
Grantaire chuckles.  
“The kettle just boiled, you want tea?”  
“Please. I do keep telling her I’m not due quite yet but…” Enjolras stretches back as Grantaire heads for the kitchen, returning a little while later with a fresh mug of tea. “Thanks.” Enjolras hums happily, blowing on it before he can sip it.  
“Other than that a good day?”  
“Yeah it actually wasn’t bad. Productive. Yours?”  
“Morning shift was busy as always, but after that I’ve managed to do some painting so…” He gestures to the canvas he’s working on.  
“It’s really good.” Grantaire smiles a thank you before he turns back to study it. They sit for a while, Enjolras watching Grantaire add details to the image and shading. “Do you think we could take a walk before dinner? I’ve just been restless all day and I don’t think I can stand to be sat down for much longer. If you’re not too busy I mean.”  
“Hmm? Oh no, it’s all detail work, nothing too pressing. We can go for a wander.” He finishes up his tea, placing down the mug. “I’ll just wash my brushes and I can be there.” Enjolras finishes up his tea and follows him through, dropping off his mug, then vanishing again to pull his shoes back on. “Ready?”  
“I’m itching to get out. Park?”  
“That sounds good.”

They're about halfway around the park when Enjolras pauses as he speaks, screwing his face up in a surprised expression.  
"What is it?" Grantaire asks, stopping. Then a sudden moment of realization. "Was it Braxton Hicks or…?"  
"I don't know, it might have just been nothing... It wasn’t terrible…" Grantaire raises an eyebrow.  
"Do you want to go back? Call Lydia?"  
"No." Enjolras decides. "She’ll probably just recommend walking or something anyway. Let's just continue for now, it was probably nothing, just a cramp really.”  
So they continue at a similar pace, but Grantaire keeps an eye on him. He’s fine for over half an hour, then he nearly imperceptibly pulls his lip back between his teeth.  
"You want to sit down?" Grantaire asks as they approach a bench. Enjolras opts not to sit however, leaning instead. Grantaire pushes himself up to gently place a hand on Enjolras’s shoulder. "Are you going to make it home or should I hail a taxi." Grantaire’s amazed by how calm he sounds when inside he's shouting more than a little, but in an excited this could be happening way, not a run away type of shout. Enjolras shakes his head, straightening himself up again.  
"I'm fine. Let's just get back."  
Grantaire calls Lydia to alert as he makes dinner, Enjolras stretched out across the sofa rubbing his stomach.  
"How far apart are the contractions?" She asks.  
"Pretty far, I guess about 20 to 30 minutes still. But they are regular, he’s had a few since 5."  
"And his waters haven't broken?"  
"No. I just mostly just letting you know."  
"Call me if they do and I’ll come by to do a check. Make sure he has something to eat, and as much rest as possible. "  
"Thanks, will do."  
Enjolras eats very little, looking quite pale as they eat. They’re in bed before 9, Enjolras deciding that he might as well get some sleep in case things do move along. Grantaire tries too, not very successfully, to get a little rest. The idea of Enjolras next door plays on his mind for much of the evening, but he must drift off at some point because he wakes to a knock on the door and a hiss of ‘Grantaire.’  
Enjolras is leaning on the door frame.  
“What’s up?” Grantaire rubs his eyes.  
“I can’t sleep anymore. It’s just all very uncomfortable, and I can’t sleep in between anymore.”  
“In what way?” Grantaire asks, trying to recall any of the things Lydia’s told them.  
“You mean other than the worst cramps I’ve ever had getting nearer to 15 minutes apart?” He sighs, rubbing his bump. “There’s just a lot of… Pressure…”  
“Do you want to come in?” Enjolras nods and takes a step forward, then freezes, mouth opening a little. There’s a wet splash on the floor. “Did your-“  
“Oh…” Enjolras breathes and shit he actually looks scared and it serves to wake Grantaire up a little more, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Enjolras bites his lip. “Could you- I think we should call Lydia.”  
Grantaire does so, slightly blearily, as Enjolras paces small lines down the hall somewhere between agitated and uncomfortable.  
"Impeccable timing. Peanut could have let me have a proper sleep but no 2am is the time to get things moving..."  
Grantaire laughs softly, moving to rub his shoulder gently. Enjolras glances up, exhaling quietly, brows slightly furrowed in a look of worry.  
"She said she'd be here as soon as possible."  
Grantaire's in the middle of giving him a massage, to try and ease some of the backache he's getting when she does arrive, a lady with short red hair in tow. Enjolras has managed to relax a bit since the phone call, but seeing Lydia definitely helps, Grantaire can feel him un-tense against his hands.  
"Enjolras this is Jo. She explains. "She'll be your second midwife."  
"It's nice to meet you." Enjolras tells her, as Lydia goes to wash her hands.  
"Likewise." Jo seems lovely, getting a glass of water for him while Lydia begins her exam, and Enjolras seems to trust Lydia’s judgement, smiling his thanks.  
“Baby’s in a good position, but you're only 4cm dilated. It could be a while."  
"Just what I need...”  
"Why don't you and Grantaire run a nice warm bath while Jo and I set up in here?" She suggests.  
"Nothing is helping." Enjolras groans as Grantaire runs the bath. "Standing is exhausting, sitting down is just plain uncomfortable…" He pushes himself up off the toilet seat and walks a few circles, supporting his back.  
"Remember your breathing." Grantaire suggests. Enjolras just puffs his cheeks out at him. "There, hopefully it’s the right temperature.  
Enjolras clambers in, relaxing a little in the water. "Thank you."  
"It's no problem, do you want anything else?"  
"Not that you can help with." Enjolras winces at the stiffness of his back as he shifts. “I may hate you."  
"No you don't." Grantaire grins cheekily  
"We'll see." Enjolras’s smile is serene, then vanishes into pain at another contraction.  
"Breathe." Grantaire reminds him as Enjolras’s fingers grip the sides of the bath.  
"Oh god..." Enjolras groans, collapsing back into the water. "They're definitely getting worse."  
"That's good."  
"Speak for yourself."  
They’re definitely getting closer together now, at about the every 5 minutes stage. Enjolras pants through the end of the most recent one, eyes tightly shut.  
“I’m going to have to get out.” He tells Grantaire when he can talk again. “Or I’ll never be able to get up.”  
Grantaire helps ease him out, though Enjolras looks quite loathe to leave the water. He has to pause in the middle of getting dry and putting on a new t-shirt, groaning. Eventually they make it back into the other room.  
“Every five minutes, about a minute long.” Grantaire reports.  
“That’s good.” Lydia smiles. “That means we’re in the active stage.”

“Active,” Enjolras mutters quite a while later. “Would suggest something moving much more quickly.” Lydia’s nipped into the kitchen to make something for breakfast, the sun just rising above the horizon. He’s leaning back against Grantaire, rather a dead weight between contractions, his head resting back on Grantaire’s chest as Grantaire smooths his hair.  
“It’s only your first, they always take a bit longer.” Jo tells him as she checks him over.  
“People keep saying that like there’s going to be more.” Enjolras muses, and she chuckles.  
“Don’t worry, we’ve nearly reached 7cm, hopefully it won’t be too much longer to the transition.” Enjolras pulls a face. “Lydia told me you work for a charity, it was the one my sister turned to.” She begins, peeling off her gloves. Enjolras glances up. “I really admire the work, I’m thankful for it. She went through a really hard time when she came out, the family were pretty good but at school… And it was so nice for her to have a support. And then later when her workplace found out one of the teams worked the case for work place harassment. I really wanted to come today, to be able to help you like you helped her.” She explains.  
“Oh…” Enjolras begins to smile, but is cut off. “Oh!” His hand scrabbles at Grantaire’s leg.  
Lydia pokes her head back around the door.  
“How are we doing?”  
“Progressing slowly, but nicely.” Jo reports. “Contractions are strong, last about a minute and are coming close to every three minutes now. I think we’re pretty close to the transition stage. Oh, baby’s low too.”  
“You take a break. I’ll continue here.” 

“I know you don’t want to but if things aren’t moving as we’d like we may have to transfer you.” Lydia tells Enjolras a while later, kneeling beside him. “I’m just going to check you again.” Enjolras doesn’t reply either way, just coming down off a contraction, making the most of the gas and air. He's been outright refusing to be moved since Lydia first brought it up, looking all the more determined through his exhaustion. “Actually… I think we’re nearly there.” She glances up to Jo with a smile.  
“Then the next bit’s the quick bit right?” Enjolras asks.  
“Quicker.” Lydia reassures him. “You’re doing wonderfully. Now are you comfortable here?”  
“I think so…”  
“Contractions may be a little further apart now, but you can start pushing with each one.”  
Enjolras breathes for a couple of minutes, able to relax for a short while before the next contraction. He squeezes down on Grantaire’s hand with enough force to make the other man yelp as he pushes.  
“I don’t know if I can do it…”  
“You can.” Grantaire assures him, pushing the loose, damp hairs off Enjolras’s face. “Just think of our little baby. You can do it for them.”  
“I think that’s emotional blackmail.” Enjolras groans, tensing again.  
“Do you want me to swap?” Jo asks Grantaire. “If you wanted to see?”  
“I-“ Enjolras relaxes back against him, panting.  
“You should.” He says. “Just don’t let go of my hand.” Grantaire transfers his weight to Jo, who begins telling Enjolras how well everything’s going even if it seems like it isn’t.  
Grantaire’s almost stupefied into amazement. The process is slow, he can see why it’s been so frustrating for Enjolras, and Lydia's instruction to push Grantaire snaps back enough to talk, telling him what's happening.  
“Oh Enjolras you’re amazing…” The baby is eventually born, sounding most indignant about the whole affair. Enjolras collapses back against Jo, closing his eyes.  
“It’s a little girl, born at… 9.56am.”  
“Bloody hell.” Enjolras chuckles weakly. “That’s why I’m so tired.” Lydia smiles pulling the baby up to lie on his chest. “Oh… Hello…”  
“Would you like to cut the cord?” She asks Grantaire, who will admit he can't take his eyes off the pair.  
“Oh- Uh yeah…” He takes the scissors, and cuts where he’s told. Then he moves to Enjolras’s side. “She’s tiny…”  
“She didn’t feel it.” Enjolras is smiling anyway.  
“Why don’t I take her to get cleaned up?” Jo asks, and at Enjolras's nod gently lifts her away from him to take to the little bath. Enjolras looks around to Grantaire, with a tired smile.  
“We did it.”  
“You did it.”  
“Not without you.” Grantaire kisses his forehead gently.  
“You get all the credit. You really are incredible. I just can't even tell you...”  
“Here she is!” Jo brings her back, wrapped in one of the blankets. “7lbs 1. Quite a good size.” She hands her back to Enjolras who cradles her close to his chest.  
“She’s perfect.” Grantaire smiles, gently stroking her cheek.  
“Any names?”  
“I don’t know yet.” Enjolras can’t stop staring. The baby watches intently, eyes flickering around between them. “She has your eyes.”  
“Really? I think it’s all you. She’s too beautiful to be mine…”  
“Nonsense.” Enjolras looks up at him. Grantaire is suddenly at a loss, unable to keep the eye contact. “You just can’t see it.” It would be so easy to kiss him right there, but instead Grantaire presses his lips against Enjolras’s damp hair, holding him close. 

Lydia and Jo finish up, and Lydia stays with Enjolras to make sure the baby is feeding correctly as Jo tidies. There had been a few frustrations, tiredness finally seeping into impatience for Enjolras but they got there, and his face when she’d finally got there was one of sheer delight.  
“You’re both doing so well.” Lydia smiles, patting his shoulder.  
“I’m guessing you don’t want us to come to my appointment later?” Enjolras jokes, and Lydia laughs.  
“Not unless you really want to. I’d suggest lunch and a good sleep instead. And then I can have a nap too.” Enjolras chuckles, then glances up to Grantaire with a tired smile. “She’s doing it.” Grantaire holds out a mug of coffee to Lydia and some water to Enjolras.  
“So I see.” He says as he settles, wrapping an arm around Enjolras’s shoulders.  
Lydia leaves them a moment to finish up her work. Enjolras brings the baby to his shoulder to burp her gingerly, when he lowers her again her eyes are heavy and he chuckles.  
“I know they have the saying drunk on milk but I wasn’t sure how true it was.” Grantaire grins, but Lydia comes back with Jo before he can reply something vaguely witty.  
“If you think you’re all settled we’re going to head off.”  
“Oh…” Enjolras looks slightly fuzzy.  
“I’ll be back over around this time tomorrow, don’t worry. And we’re both satisfied with how well you’re both doing.” Enjolras nods slowly, smiling.  
“Then I’m happy if you are.”  
“You’ll all do great. I know it.” Jo grins. “And we’re a phone call away.”  
“Thanks.” Enjolras smiles. “Then I guess we’ll see you soon.” Grantaire gets up to show them to the door, and thank them again before he returns. “We uh…” Enjolras looks like he doesn’t know where to start.  
“We do.” Grantaire smiles as he sits back next to him on the arm of the chair.  
“Early of all things.” He leans against Grantaire’s side, holding her against his chest. He yawns widely. “Took long enough too.”  
“Do you want to rest?” Grantaire asks, because Enjolras will try to power through if he’s not prompted.  
“I… I’m going to have a wash first and I think I should have lunch too like Lydia said.”  
“I can grab some food while you shower?”  
“Would you?”  
“Of course, you deserve a sandwich at least.” Grantaire teases. Enjolras rolls his eyes. “Should I take her?” Enjolras nods, so careful as he transfers her to Grantaire’s arms. She’s certainly more out of it now. Enjolras pushes himself up slowly, then sways a moment before nodding to himself and turning toward the bathroom.  
The tiredness seems to suddenly hit him as he stumbles back to the lounge. Grantaire’s cradling their baby closely, rocking her ever so slightly so she drifts off to sleep, she’d stirred when he’d put her in the crib to make lunch, which Enjolras grabs off the table to begin nibbling.  
“I told you you’d be a good father.” Enjolras smiles. Grantaire glances around, before looking back down again.  
“Well… This is the easy stuff.”  
“Still, if you can get her to sleep that’s pretty good.” Enjolras points out, taking a crisp from the plate. Grantaire smiles, stroking the top of her head. She has quite a head of hair, dark like his. Holding her like this he feels like he could do anything.  
“Do you want some sleep, I can keep an eye on her.”  
“You must be tired too.” Grantaire shrugs.  
“I’ve had worse, you look dead on your feet.” Enjolras debates for a moment, looking back to the baby in Grantaire’s arms, loathing to leave her but obviously realizing he's not going to be any use if he got more tired. Eventually he caves.  
“I kind of feel it… Okay, wake me if anything happens.”  
“Go on.” Grantaire laughs.  
Enjolras sleeps through until dinner time, emerging blearily as Grantaire cooks dinner, it's pasta because right now he'd probably cut his fingers off if he made an attempt at anything fancier.  
“Anything happen?”  
“Nothing I couldn’t handle. I thought you might wake up when she cried but you were completely blotto.” Most of the afternoon had been spent sketching her, taking more pictures, the scrabbling to make a bottle of formula while soothing her so Enjolras didn’t wake up. He nods to the cradle in the corner. “She’s asleep.” Enjolras sits gingerly on the sofa next to her, rocking the cradle gently.  
“She was stubborn, but’s she’s definitely worth it.” He smiles fondly.  
“She gets the stubbornness from you.”  
“Look who’s talking. She didn’t have much hope.” He sighs quietly. “We should probably call everyone or they’ll be annoyed we left it so late.”  
“Exceptional circumstances.” Enjolras snorts.  
“Could you pass me my phone?”  
They call Combeferre first, who sounds absolutely delighted as she wishes them many congratulations and promises she’ll be over at some point. Next is Jehan, and by default Courfeyrac. They receive all but a scream down the phone, then a hysterical congratulations.  
“When?!”  
“9.56. But everything kicked off yesterday at about 5.”  
“Oh you poor thing. We’ll be round for cuddles.”  
Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta get a similar reaction, Chetta calling her partners over hurriedly.  
“Any names?”  
“Not yet, it’s a little hard to think right now…”  
When they get round to calling Bahorel and Feuilly she actually wakes up, so there’s less of a hello than a high pitched scream. Enjolras passes the phone across to lift her out of the crib.  
“I’ll take that as good news then?” Bahorel asks.  
“She has a good set of lungs yes.”  
“Hang on let me tell Feuilly.” There’s a pause and the sound of the phone being put down. “They’re grinning and clapping.” Bahorel laughs. “They say congratulations and they can’t wait to meet her.”  
They call Cosette and Marius last, and Cosette announces she’ll bring cookies round for them when everyone else visits.  
“Tomorrow should be fine. If you come tonight Enjolras may pass out on you.” Enjolras sticks his tongue out, trying to get her to feed.  
“She did it so nicely for Lydia…”  
“Are you calling your parents?” Enjolras sighs.  
“Not tonight, I don’t want to have to deal with anything… I’ll call Auntie Mel though, otherwise she will kill me. Nadine too.”  
“Yeah, I don’t want to be on their bad side…” Grantaire scrolls through to find the number then holds the phone out to Enjolras, who mouths ‘speaker’ at him.  
“Hello?”  
“Hey Auntie Mel.” Enjolras smiles.  
“Maxime, where have you disappeared to? Nadine! I know you’ve been busy but at least call your Aunt.” Enjolras rolls his eyes, looking amused. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just had a lot of work stuff and baby stuff… I mean a lot of baby stuff.” Mel pauses and Grantaire can just imagine her standing hand on hip as she scolds.  
“Are you teasing me here mister?”  
“A little… They arrived today, 9 days early can you believe!”  
“Nadine get here now! I don’t care if you’re finishing a sentence it’s important!” Mel calls again and Enjolras stifles a laugh. “I never thought a baby of yours would be early. Ah here she is.”  
“What’s so important?” Nadine’s voice comes over the speaker, sounding slightly unimpressed.  
“You have a new cousin Nay.” Enjolras tells her with a chuckle this time.  
“You what? I thought that was in two weeks, I would’ve cleared my calendar!”  
“I’m sorry babies are unpredictable.” Enjolras tells her dryly.  
“Come on, details.” Mel says excitedly.  
“Alright, alright. It probably technically all started at work yesterday but my first proper contraction was after 5, so I got no sleep… Neither did our poor midwives, because they got called up at 2. But someone refused to do anything until 9… 9.56 when she finally got here.”  
“10am and you only just called us?” Nadine sounds like she’s pouting.  
“I’m sorry, but if you wanted incoherent nonsense I could’ve called earlier… But I needed a nap first.”  
“He says a nap, he means he slept solidly for four hours through literally everything. Including our first nappy.” Grantaire interjects. "That was a fun experience..." Enjolras sticks his tongue out at him.  
“We might just forgive you.” Mel considers. “What’s she like?”  
“7lbs 1oz, lots of really dark hair and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. She’s gorgeous, even more than you were Nadine.”  
“Oi!”  
“I’m not going to withdraw that statement.”  
“Don’t bicker you two, not when I’m so happy for you! Do we have a name, that’s the question?”  
“Not yet, but as soon as we do I’ll call you. There’s something I want you to do.”  
“What is it?”  
“I want you to announce it in the local paper, like Mum and Dad did, but properly this time. Correct gender for me, announcing the birth of our child rather than our daughter. I want it all to be right, not for this to be a reason for me to be female and grow out of this ‘phase’ like it seems to be being seen.”  
“Of course I can do that, as long as I can put a congratulations up too.”  
“I’m not going to stop you, just send a clipping for me.” Enjolras smiles. “Can you come over?”  
“We can be down on Friday evening for the weekend?”  
“That sounds perfect.” Enjolras smiles, there’s a small pause.  
“Have you told your parents yet?” Mel asks carefully and Enjolras's face falls.  
“I can’t, I’m too tired to deal with it all. But you’ve been so good about everything I had to tell you.”  
“They won’t hear it from me. Just… Well make sure that you do call.”  
“No I will, I will. Just in the morning. Otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it.” Mel chuckles in the background.  
“I’m so happy for you, both of you. And we’ll be down as soon as possible. Right now if it wasn’t for work.”  
“Crap, work!” Enjolras groans.  
“Should I leave you to that then..?” There’s more than a small hint of amusement in her voice.  
“Hope she sleeps well!” Nadine adds.  
“Thanks so much…” Enjolras mutters. “I’ll call tomorrow okay? Love you both, bye.”  
“You want me to finish up dinner while you call up your boss?” Grantaire offers, pushing himself up.  
“She’s going to be so smug that she was nearly right.” Enjolras sighs, laying the baby back in the crib. “Maybe she has a sixth sense or something.” He adds, leaving for the lounge. Grantaire drains the pasta, pouring on some sauce, then returns to his sketching. He’s not sure which he’ll add to the progress piece yet, but the little doodles are slightly addictive, the way her face moves, her hands curl, little frowns and gurgles. Enjolras takes a while on the phone, and he’s grating cheese over the meal when he returns.  
“Hey, I was just about to call you in. How was she?”  
“A sweetheart, she said I could add a couple of days ‘sick’ because I was so close to starting anyway. And she did have a laugh, but she sends her congratulations and sympathies that I got no time off at all.” He bends over the crib with a smile as Grantaire places two plates on the table before he joins him. “It looks delicious.”  
“Nothing special, but I figure something hearty is the way to go.”  
“Mmm…” Enjolras digs in, demolishing a good chunk of his plateful. “I meant to ask, I know it might seem weird but did you want to sleep in my room tonight? I know you can’t really… Do much as such but she’ll probably wake you up anyway so well, would you like to be there?”  
“Are you kidding, of course I would.”

When Grantaire walks into the bedroom Enjolras is lying on his side, gently rocking the crib next to him. It makes his heart flutter a little, so he pauses in the doorway to take it all in properly. So much has changed already, he’s realised things he’d never even thought about, learnt so many new things he thought he wouldn’t, already loves so much more than he thought possible. There’s a small smile on Enjolras’s face as he watches her, fast asleep, arms crooked above her head, and Grantaire can’t help but smile too, with a happy sigh.  
Enjolras glances around.  
“Hey…”  
“Hey.” Grantaire pushes himself off the doorframe and sits on the bed behind Enjolras so he can lean over to watch her. “How long do you think that’ll last?” He murmurs, and Enjolras chuckles under his breath.  
“Don’t remind me…” He looks back up to Grantaire. “She needs a name…”  
“We have time.”  
“I know but… I was just thinking over it while you were in the shower.”  
“You have an idea then?” Enjolras pulls a so-so face.  
“Possibly, but only if you like it.” He pauses, returning his gaze to the baby as she stretches a little.  
“Go on.”  
“It was on the list… But, well maybe Alexis?”  
“Alexis…” Grantaire considers.  
“Well I mean we can shorten it, or she can. To Alex or Lex or… She just, to me…” Grantaire smiles, reaching over to take the hand rocking the crib.  
“You don’t need to justify it. I think it’s a lovely name.”  
“But do you think it’s _her_ name?” Enjolras rolls onto his back a little so he can look up at Grantaire.  
“Yes, I do.” Enjolras beams. “May I make a small suggestion for a middle name..?” Grantaire asks.  
“Of course.”  
“Leigh. I think Leigh would suit…”  
“Alexis Leigh.” Enjolras smiles, turning it over with his tongue. “I like that.” Grantaire squeeze his hand, withdrawing so he can lie down properly. “I didn’t think it would be so easy.”  
“Well, sometimes you just know.” Grantaire leans on his arm so he can face Enjolras.  
“Maybe not the next bit though.” Enjolras laughs softly.  
“Well…” Grantaire weighs it up on his free hand. “We can do it together.”  
“Mm…” Enjolras rolls back onto his side, facing the crib. His arm still curls protectively over his rounded stomach, Grantaire notices, and he allows his hand to find Enjolras’s. He blinks once, twice, and he’s asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is late, but it's with good reason! Today is the actual day! And I'm a sad person who couldn't resist posting this actually on the 4th rather than early...  
> Never fear, there will be a new update Sunday too!  
> They're remarkably calm here... Believe me, there is a lot of freaking out later I just figured you'd want the smushy bits :L  
> (Also I did chose the 4th for a reason, it was my due date but I, unlike Alexis, was late! Also her original due date turned out to be my Mum's birthday... So... So many May Birthdays o.O)


	19. 38-39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a knock on the door just after half five, Enjolras just finishing up feeding Alexis.   
> “I’ll grab it.” He opens the door, not to one or two people as expected, but the entire group grinning at him expectantly. The effect is near creepy, so he says so.   
> “This is my excited smile, how rude of you to suggest otherwise.” Courfeyrac pouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of cissexism and familial transphobia

Lydia pops by at eleven the next day, all smiles.   
“How are we all?” She asks as she gets to the living room. “All happy?”   
“Well I think so. It feels like it…” Enjolras frowns, like there should be something wrong. To be fair, if she’d asked about 5.30 this morning she probably would have gotten a different answer after Enjolras all but burst into tears after a long session when Alexis refused to feed. Lydia bends over the crib to smile at Alexis.   
“And this one? Feeding well?”  
“Well…” He pauses, twisting his lips in a frown. “A couple of hiccups… Maybe we could check over that?”   
“It’s fine, it takes a bit of practice.” Lydia reassures him as she picks Alexis up. “Hey darling… Ooo you do look happy. How much sleep did you get?” Enjolras chuckles.   
“Awake every two hours on the dot, and this one over here didn’t wake up for the first two.” Enjolras gestures to Grantaire who’s perched himself on the arm of the armchair.   
“Well I’d had no sleep!”  
“Yes, because I slept perfectly.” Enjolras raises an eyebrow. Lydia chuckles.  
“I’m just going to check her over, make sure everything’s working properly. Then we can go over the bits you want to check. Did we figure out a name?” She asks as she checks Alexis’s eyes.  
“More painlessly than expected. This is Alexis Leigh.” Enjolras smiles, as Lydia makes a few notes.  
“Hello.” She coos, holding out her index finger to be grabbed in a mock shake. “I’m just going to check her joints too but she’s certainly wiggling well. This is such an adorable outfit, one of the best homemade ones I’ve seen.” She comments as she unbuttons the outfit to check over her hips and listen to Alexis’s heart.  
“Our friend made it for us. They’re all coming by after lunch so we thought we’d dress her for the occasion. It’s a shame you couldn’t meet them, they’ve heard a lot about you so I feel we should return the favour.”  
“Just make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself.”   
“Enjolras needs things to do or that overwhelms him.” Grantaire grins, Enjolras rolls his eyes.   
“They won’t be around for long, it’s just after their work. My aunt and cousin are popping by tomorrow evening too which’ll be lovely.”   
“See, needs everything to do.”

There’s a knock on the door just after half five, Enjolras just finishing up feeding Alexis. Lydia left after an hour, with tight hugs and a reminder that she was there for anything they needed and that she’ll see them in a few days.   
‘Or any of your friends, you know, if they ever need a midwife.’ She’d chuckled.  
‘You’d be the first we’d recommend. We couldn’t have asked for anyone more perfect.’  
“I’ll grab it.” He opens the door, not to one or two people as expected, but the entire group grinning at him expectantly. The effect is near creepy, so he says so.   
“This is my excited smile, how rude of you to suggest otherwise.” Courfeyrac, at the head of the group, pouts. Grantaire chuckles, shaking his head.   
“You know how tempting it is to shut the door right, just to hear the reaction. But I also thing Courf might explode so…”  
“You dare young man.” Jehan folds their arms.   
“You’re younger than me remember. Alright, come on. She’s just been fed so she’s pretty out of it. Babies literally get drunk on milk, it’s pretty sweet.”   
“Are you getting gooey on us R?” Bahorel nudges him.   
“Oh you can’t talk, you wait.” Grantaire raises an eyebrow, because he knows Bahorel and he will probably cry, he has with his sisters’ two kids even if he doesn’t ever admit it. “Alright, come meet Alexis.”   
Enjolras looks up with a smile as they enter the room, with a few soft coos and hello’s. A couple back out again to get spare seats but soon they’re all settled around expectantly.   
“You’re like vultures...” Enjolras comments.   
“That’s what I said.” Grantaire perches on the arm of the chair.   
“Is this her..?” Cosette coos.   
“No, we picked up the wrong one…” Grantaire can’t help the automatic reaction.   
“Oh shush. Now isn’t the time for sarcasm Grantaire.”  
“You tell him that, you didn’t hear how sarky he was with me yesterday.”   
“Don’t you start that again.” Enjolras looks up at him. “I had a pretty decent excuse.”   
“How long was it again?” Musichetta asks, looking curious but not sure if she should be.  
“Uh…” Enjolras frowns in though. “Six… Nearly seventeen hours.”  
“I don’t want one anymore.” Chetta tells her partners. “I’ll just cuddle this one.”   
“Does everyone want cuddles?”   
“No, we just came here to watch. Yes!” Combeferre rolls her eyes. Enjolras chuckles, shifting so he can transfer Alexis to her arms. Combeferre’s face lights up, mouthing a hello to Alexis, and Enjolras leans back into Grantaire a little looking happy at his friends’ obvious delight.   
“She’s so teeny…” Courfeyrac near squeals when he’s handed her. “How do humans start so tiny? It’s ridiculous and should be illegal.”   
“Give me a go, before she gets grouchy at least…” Jehan protests.  
“She should be alright for a while, and she was burped so hopefully no sick either…” Enjolras smiles in amusement.   
“Parenthood, so glamorous.” Jehan sighs in mock melodrama, and Courfeyrac eventually concedes and passes Alexis across to his partner. It’s a steady pass across from there, Chetta holds out her arms, spends about 5 minutes cooing, saying a few things to Joly and Bossuet every now and then before she allows Joly to have a go.   
“She suits the outfit so well Joly.” Chetta comments. “There was no need to worry.”   
“I wasn’t worried… I just thought whether it would be perfect… Because she deserves that.” Ze strokes Alexis’s cheek gently, and she watches zem with her blue eyes with what might be curiosity. Bossuet gets her next, and gets a gurgle before she decides she doesn’t like being away from her parents and starts to grizzle.   
“Why is it always me?” Bossuet grumbles, light-heartedly.   
“She’s already a daddy’s kid. If I hold her too long she grumbles.” Grantaire reassures him as Enjolras rocks her a little.   
“What terms are you going for anyway, you can’t both be dad.” Marius points out.   
“Oh…” Enjolras frowns, looking up at Grantaire with a slightly concerned look because he missed something, he forgot to check everything.   
“You hadn’t thought about it had you?”   
“No… Well the baby won’t be speaking for a while so…”   
“Enjolras is obviously Dad.” Grantaire offers, and Enjolras’s expression changes, softens. “Other than that…”   
“What about Papa?” Cosette offers. “My father’s a Papa.”   
“I thought it might be a little old fashioned… But actually maybe it could work.” Grantaire considers. “We have time though, she’s only a day old.”   
Enjolras gets her settled again, so Bahorel gets a turn.  
“Goddamn how the hell did the pair of you make something so precious?” Bahorel says as Alexis stares up at this strange new man.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Grantaire protests.   
“Oh come on, the most cynical person I know and the scariest.”  
“Oi!” Enjolras looks indignant.   
“Now Bahorel that’s unfair.” Grantaire points out. “He’s gotten a lot better recently.” Enjolras turns to him, elbowing him in the side.   
“Remember Bahorel she has to grow up yet.” Combeferre smiles in amusement.  
“Don’t you start.” Enjolras warns.   
“Too late, I’ve already had my cuddle.”   
“I can ban you from babysitting.” Combeferre looks offended.   
“You wouldn’t.” Enjolras simply shoots her a sickeningly sweet grin.   
Feuilly looks delighted when Alexis reaches them, beaming down at her, reaching out their little finger so she can grab on, then smiles even wider.   
Enjolras leans his arm on Grantaire’s leg, looking contented as he surveys the scene. Grantaire squeezes his shoulder.   
“I think you’ve made everyone’s year.” He murmurs.   
“Obviously the only reason I did it.” Enjolras chuckles. “Not for Alexis or myself. Or you…” Grantaire holds back a wide smile, instead letting his hand run down his back a little.  
“I think we need tea.” Jehan announces, standing up. Grantaire jumps, snapping back to reality a little. Feuilly’s fingers has been completely commandeered by Alexis, who is sucking on it contentedly. “Grantaire can you help me?” Grantaire snorts.  
“It’s not that difficult.” But he pushes himself up anyway, accepting Cosette’s offered biscuit tin on the way, to follow Jehan through to the other room. Jehan begins digging around for mugs as Grantaire puts the kettle on, they’re an odd assortment of his and Enjolras’s mugs, mostly given to them both by friends.   
“So…” Jehan begins, laying out a couple of mugs and Grantaire groans because of course there was an ulterior motive. “What about you and Enjolras?”  
“There is no me and Enjolras.”  
“Oh come on!” Jehan puts another mug down a little too heavily, then pauses to moderate themselves. “Grantaire you’re staring at him like he’s the salt of the earth.”  
“I did witness him giving birth to our child yesterday.” It still feels odd to say that, his child, their child… “I think that qualifies for amazement.”   
“Of course it does. But it doesn’t nullify the fact that you’re still completely head over heels for him. This has only solidified that…” Grantaire pauses with his head in the fridge.   
“So I loved him before, I still love him. That doesn’t mean-“  
“Yes it does. It does this time. Because all of us have noticed how much you care for him. All through these last months. Before we even knew why, why do you think we thought you were sleeping together?”  
“It doesn’t matter.” Grantaire says firmly, probably more for himself.   
“God you’re an idiot.” Jehan groans.   
“Thanks…”  
“He loves you too.” Grantaire stops short, kettle in hand.   
“He doesn’t.”  
“Of course he does. Are you that blind? He’s so happy with you. All the little touches, the stares, none of that twigged?” Grantaire doesn’t reply, processing everything in far too quick succession. It makes his head spin. “Oh my god…”  
“Nothing can happen. I can’t screw this up. This is the first really good thing that’s happened to me since I graduated… Hell ever.”  
“You won’t. You’re practically there it just needs to be official. I mean come on, you’re living together, you have a baby… The last nearly 9 months you’ve both been relying on each other.” They turn to look at Grantaire. “You really haven’t noticed?”  
“I’ve been a little busy recently… You know birth of a baby and all that.” He’s more sarcastic when he’s nervous, Jehan knows, so they reach out to touch his arm gently.   
“Please talk to him.” Jehan tells him a little more firmly. “You owe it to yourself if no one else.”  
“Alright, alright. But when I’m ready and I’m sure.” He pours out a few more mugs of tea, and Jehan follows with milk, it’s a split of 2 to 1 milk to none that they all have memorised.   
“Fine, until then you can come chat to me. And we can eat Cosette’s delicious biccies.” They dig around for a decent plate as Grantaire loads up tray with the mugs and sugar. They’re all decorated perfectly, tiny rattles, booties, babygros and bottles in various pastel shades. Jehan soon has them all laid out in what might be a pattern. “Bahorel will want photos of these.”   
“He will?”  
“Yes, he brought his camera. Didn’t you notice him snapping away out there?” Grantaire frowns, tray in hands and Jehan stifles a laugh. “Oh you are so far gone…”

Enjolras feels well enough to try a walk to the supermarket the next morning, so they spend about an hour trying to figure out what they actually need to take Alexis out with them. He also called up Thema, over breakfast, and gathered a few tips from her, chatting animatedly.   
“How many nappies? Will she need a bottle in that time?” Enjolras ponders as Grantaire tucks a few things into their nappy bag. “I’ll make up a bottle.” He decides.   
They make it out eventually, walking along the edge of the river in the sun. Grantaire pushes the pram, Enjolras beside him, occasionally giving Alexis a little wave. They get lots of smiles now, and though Enjolras still has a noticeable bump it’s mostly hidden by his baggy shirt so he seems a lot more relaxed than mere days ago, even with the attention. Or maybe it’s that his own attention is diverted. Enjolras takes over the pushing of the pram, though a little slower, as Grantaire takes a basket. They get the basics, plus some nicer food for when Mel and Nadine come over. They opt to divert back through the park, pausing to sit for a short while on the grass when Alexis starts grizzling.   
“Not feeling uncomfortable or anything are we? No cramps?” Grantaire teases.   
“Please tell me that’s not going to be a joke every time we come here…”   
When they get back Grantaire makes the suggestion of drawing a picture of Enjolras and Alexis, in the style of his bump pictures, so the afternoon is spent getting a basic outline, and then Enjolras watching as he fills in the details. Mel and Nadine arrive at 6, all excited grins and tight hugs.   
“I’m so happy for you! Where is she?!” Mel squeezes Enjolras again excitedly.   
“Asleep. But you can met her when she wakes up, it should be about half an hour if she’s on time… Do you want dinner?”   
“You don’t need to make us anything! Come on, you must be busy. Why don’t we take you out?” Enjolras pauses, looking worried. This morning had been an issue for him, but they’d made sure they weren’t out long and were prepared enough. A meal is a completely different ball game, and Enjolras looks a little freaked out again.  
“Oh but… We need so much stuff to do that. I don’t- I don’t know…”  
“We don’t have to, I just thought it’d be nice.”  
“I know, it’s just… Well mainly it’s if she needs feeding.” Enjolras admits. “We’re just getting used to it all, and I have no idea how much she’ll need…” Mel nods with an understanding smile.   
“Well, we could get take-away. Still treating with none of the worry.” Enjolras relaxes a little, and smiles gratefully.   
“There’s an Indian just around the corner?”   
They figure out what they want, and Grantaire and Nadine head off to order it. She grills him on the way, all the things she can’t usually say with Enjolras there. By the time they’ve actually got their food she may know more about him than any of his friends, but they’ve agreed to be friends themselves. Alexis is awake by the time they get back, Enjolras feeding her in his bedroom before he brings her out, so they lay out the table and plate up.   
“Here she is…” Enjolras announces as he wheels in the crib. Mel’s face lights up, and even Nadine grins.   
“Oh hello precious…” Mel grins, reaching down to stroke her cheek. “She looks so much like you did Enjolras. Other than the hair.”  
“I see a lot of Grantaire in her… He doesn’t see it.” Enjolras settles in his seat, running a hand over her dark hair.   
“She’s the best mistake you could have made.” Nadine tells him as she leans over to say hi. Enjolras rolls his eyes, turning instead to his food. “When do I get cuddles?”  
“After you’ve eaten, and after me.” Mel tells her, nudging the plate. Nadine begrudgingly sits down and starts eating, possibly quicker than she should. They chat amongst themselves, Mel asking questions of how Enjolras has been getting on, what everything was like, and Nadine complains every now again about it being TMI. “Oh, I forgot!” Mel disappears a moment to fetch her bag, then begins digging through it until she finds her purse. “I brought you the announcement.”  
“So quickly?”  
“Mum’s new fancy man at the paper fast tracked it…” Nadine raises one eyebrow teasingly.   
“He is not my fancy man, but he was nice enough to put them through.” She pulls out a folded, irregularly shaped, piece of paper. Enjolras reads over it quickly, before handing it to Grantaire with a smile. There are two announcements on the piece, one with a small stork above it announcing the birth of Alexis Leigh to fathers Enjolras and Grantaire with the date and her weight, the second is a smaller congratulations from Auntie Mel and Nadine without the frame.   
“Thank you, so much, for doing this.”   
“It was no problem honestly. How did your parents take it all?” Enjolras dabs at his plate with the edge of a naan.   
“Well… I called first thing. Told them they had a beautiful little grandchild. They of course wanted to know boy or girl but… Other than that they seemed very happy. All congratulations and how please they were and… Well then they said how happy Grandad would be to find out. And how much happier he was to find out I was… Normal again. They’re all sending down cards and presents.” He sighs. “I thought it was going better you know… But I was just being too optimistic. I can’t even be happy that I’m back in his good books, because it’s all false pretence and as soon as I see him again it’s going to go completely to pot. So I’m trying not to think about it, she’s much more important and everything else… It’ll just have to wait until I can deal with it.” Alexis gurgles, so he picks her up, holding her to his shoulder with a kiss to her temple. “Won’t it…”   
“I’m sorry.” Mel says, and it’s genuine. “I will talk to them, if you wanted me to. So it’ll be easier next time.”   
“Mmm… I’ll think about it.” He sighs. “Should we go to the lounge, watch something… We can do cuddles too.” He’s lightening the mood, and Mel takes the bait, or accepts it anyway.   
“We’ll do the washing up in a bit, cuddles are far more important.” Grantaire stacks up the plates quickly as the other three head for the lounge with their drinks. Mel gets first dibs, holding Alexis in her arms with what can only be described as a beam.   
“I can’t tell you how proud I am of you Maxime. After everything…”  
“It was worth it, so nothing to be proud of…” Enjolras looks down a little.   
“I’ll be the judge of that.”   
Nadine eventually persuades her to give Alexis up, holding her like a china doll.   
“You were that small once.” Mel tells her. “Well… Not quite, you were a big baby. But you were just as cute.” There are a few photos taken, and Nadine may have promised to be a cool cousin, not lame like her mum, to which she gets poked in the ribs.   
“It’s true! She’ll need someone who can be a sister figure, everyone else will be old!”   
“So will you.” Enjolras teases. Nadine looks offended, and considers protesting before she wrinkles her nose.   
“Okay, she’s your baby, take her.”   
“You’re not scared are you?” Grantaire can’t help but grin. Nadine sticks her tongue out at him as he takes Alexis.   
“Aren’t you going to help your poor old cousin out? No?” Enjolras’s grin is wicked. “Oh go on…”  
“Ew, nonono!” She screws up her face, shaking her head rapidly. The rest of them burst out laughing, Mel ribbing her about having to do it someday as Grantaire leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meetings galore! I could have made this sooooo much longer but I decided not to bore you! :L


	20. 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s taken him a week to build up anywhere near enough courage to do this, and even now he’s not sure if he can. But he’s making dinner, Enjolras chopping vegetables next to him, and pretending he’s completely fine. Which he is, mostly.

It’s taken him a week to build up anywhere near enough courage to do this, and even now he’s not sure if he can. But he’s making dinner, Enjolras chopping vegetables next to him, and pretending he’s completely fine. Which he is, mostly. There’s a cry from the rocker on the other side of the room, and Enjolras exhales lightly with a smile.  
“Well, it’s dinner time for some.”  
“Go and get her settled, I can finish up here.”  
“Thanks, I’m absolutely starving…” Grantaire holds out a piece of raw carrot to him as he passes back again, which Enjolras holds like a cigarette in his mouth as he leaves. For only the third time in 9 months Grantaire would die for a smoke. No time to think about that now. He drops the vegetables in their pans and sets to work.  
He does the best he can with the dining table in the time it takes for Enjolras to get Alexis fed and settled. It’s not much, but it’s all laid up with a couple of non-matching napkins, the flowers Jehan brought them and a few candles scattered on the worktops – which in the lounge would definitely present a fire risk with the number of cards they’ve received. It looks nice at least, presentable.  
“She’s well out of it.” Enjolras comments as he re-enters the room, then pauses. “What’s all this?”  
“Happy due date.” Grantaire smiles, looking up from where he’s finishing up a candle. He’s using it as an excuse, a get out of jail free card if he really does chicken out.  
“What? Oh… Wow I had actually managed to forget that in all this…” Enjolras chuckles. “Can you believe it?”  
“Well you’ve been otherwise occupied. I have something… It’s not quite done but…” He takes the progression piece out from behind the sofa.  
“What..? Oh… Oh you actually did it.” Enjolras sits on the arm of the sofa and studies it. It goes from week 8, when Enjolras had found out, though he admits he made up the first few images, right through to week 40 which still stands empty. He’d already filled in week 38, so between it and the image of Enjolras and Alexis sits a sketch of their first photo as a family. Enjolras runs his fingers over it gently with a smile. “This is incredible Grantaire, just all the little details and the events… You didn’t need to do this.”  
“Of course I did, you deserve it, you deserve everything I could give you.” Grantaire smiles, and Enjolras glances up.  
“Are you… I mean this is a lot, is there something else?” He’s made it too obvious, he had hoped to get part way into the meal, to steady himself, have time to think and so he freezes. Enjolras frowns. “Grantaire?”  
“Okay, okay I’m just… I’m going to break the promise I made myself when this started, when we slept together even… But when we found out about Alexis I promised myself I was okay with this just being platonic. And I was, I mean I still am.” He sighs. “And now I’m just going to go and ruin everything by opening my mouth but I’ve started now and after everything we’ve just been through you really deserve to know that- Well I think I’ve fallen in love with you. Only there’s no think about it because I was pretty much in love with you before we even slept together but these last 9 months have just… But I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t because now everything has to change. I don’t want it to, I’m happy and I want you to be happy, more than anything, and not feel like you have to have feelings too. And I just want Alexis to be secure rather than me wrecking it all by telling you that I love you on a whim but there it is.” He looks down and mumbles, because he can’t really bear to say the words to Enjolras’s face, to see his reaction. The sofa springs creak.  
“Grantaire look at me. Please look at me.” Enjolras prompts gently. He looks up, just a little, but still returns his glance to the side when he meets Enjolras’s eyes. “I’ve already told you you can’t wreck this.” Enjolras tells him softly. “Nothing has to change but… I want it to. I don’t feel obligated to be with you because I…” He sighs and chuckles under his breath. “I’ve already fallen for you. And I think Alexis would be a lot happier if her Dads would actually let themselves be happy together rather than trying to stay platonic because it might be for the best.”  
“I…” Grantaire finds himself at quite a loss for words, brain still catching up from where it had launched itself into panic mode. Enjolras’s hands tug on his to get him to sit down on the sofa.  
“Before I found out I was pregnant I was actually going to ask you on a date.” Enjolras tells him, and Grantaire looks up, Enjolras’s face is kind, flushed slightly pink with embarrassment. “The night together, all our coffee stops, had made me develop a bit of a crush and I was beginning to think what the hell, one date can’t hurt. I was all ready to ask Courfeyrac and ‘Ferre what they thought I should do and then, well everything else happened. And I probably thought exactly what you have, that this had to take priority over what could just be a date, a month. I couldn’t throw that stability away, just being friends was fine well I say just... I loved the new closeness, emotionally and physically and I decided it was the next best thing, and I could live with it. Then, especially after we moved in together, I began to realise the closeness was making me feel something entirely different for you, this was developing beyond a crush like… When we woke up on the sofa together. But I could still talk around it until, well… After Alexis was born and you looked down at her, and at me and I just wanted to kiss you and it wouldn’t even have to be romantic but… Well yeah, there you go. That’s me.” He stops uncharacteristically short, pulling his lip back between his teeth and giving a half shrug. Emotions have never been Enjolras’s strong suit.  
“Well, hell if I’d realised that I would have kissed you, and kissed you again because I wanted you to know how much you meant. I keep having to catch myself, stop myself taking your hand or putting my arm around you-“  
“Don’t.” Enjolras tells him. “I haven’t been so good at stopping myself with you.”  
“Oh…” Grantaire frowns, adding up all the times Enjolras leant into him, touched his arm, his hand.  
“You actually didn’t notice, I thought I was being far too obvious…” Enjolras chuckles awkwardly and Grantaire chuckles under his breath.  
“Okay, this isn’t actually how I pictured this going but dammit Jehan was right about it.”  
“Jehan?”  
“That’s why they dragged me out to make tea last week.” Grantaire runs a hand through his hair. “I was in complete fight or flight mode over this so I’m just going to- Actually no I’ll serve the food that needs doing.”  
“I can do it.” Enjolras offers.  
“No it’s alright, it’ll give me something to do.” He pushes himself up and pulls the dish from the oven and brings it to the table before moving back to drain off the vegetables, glad to have something more to do with his hands. “Alright, it’s nothing amazingly special but hopefully it’ll be alright.”  
“It looks delicious.” Enjolras smiles one of his soft smiles, and it’s enough to distract him, and he puts his hand down against the edge of the oven dish. He pulls back his hand quick enough to knock over one of the drinks, sending lemonade dripping onto the floor.  
“Shit-!” His immediate thought is to move to right the glass, to grab a towel to begin wiping up the spill but Enjolras takes his arm.  
“Your hand-“  
“But the-“  
“No, no. You burnt it you need to run it under the water.” Enjolras pulls him toward the sink, checking the water temperature before he holds Grantaire’s hand under it. The warmth of his hands around Grantaire’s wrist contrasts to the cool water running over the back of his hand.  
“It’s not that bad.” He tells him with a small smile.  
“It still pays to be careful.” Enjolras insists, holding him there until Grantaire complains he can’t feel his hand at all, let alone any burn. Only then does he flick off the water and pat the outside of Grantaire’s hand dry and, slowly and cautiously, plant a small kiss on the inside of his wrist. “I want to try, even if it makes things more complicated, even if it might go wrong. I still want to give us a go.”  
Grantaire pauses, looking down at the man who’s given him more than he could even dream ever having, and now he’s dared ask for more. But Enjolras is smiling at him, that warm smile that makes him feel safe. He blinks slowly, and falls in love again, and he knows he’ll regret not taking this chance.  
“Okay.” He smiles, letting his fingers twist into Enjolras’s. Enjolras practically beams, leaning up to press and firm kiss to Grantaire's lips, then planting several more softer ones, and it's exactly what he wanted last week and it's more perfect than he'd hoped. He leans his forehead on Enjolras's with a dazed smile, his hand in Enjolras's hair and Enjolras's against his cheek. “Let’s… Complicate things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's... Done...  
> Oh that's weird, I don't like it :L Never fear though, I am far from done with this lot, I have so many other plans for everyone so Complications will return maybe not next Sunday (Exams) but soon! Parenthood, Weddings, and more! Lots more  
> My original intent was to have this left platonic but these two had something else to say about it...  
> Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you soon! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap guys I'm so sorry I've been a bit awol! I promise updates for other stories are coming but I had no inspiration basically all summer and whatever I had written was just drabbles. Then this one literally bit me and I wrote most of it in under two weeks, so it should be going up pretty quickly in weekly instalments.  
> And the others will be updates too, I am working on things! But in the meantime I post snippets and stuff over on my blog: http://chatteringbluemagpie.tumblr.com/


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